BB Single Parents Group

[CMF]

Hi all,

One of the things I love about these forums is that as well as dealing with the heavy stuff there is space to chill out and connect with people in in a social forum. After reading threads from other single parents I noticed that many of us feel alone at times, unsupported, we feel we are not doing a good enough job or we are just plain old worn out or frustrated. I thought I would start this thread for all the single parents out there who just want a space to chill out, relax, maybe compare notes, ask for advice and to pretty much know you are not alone.

It's a tough gig, we are all doing the best we can.

CMF

[CMF]

Hi Melissa,

Welcome and thank you for your lovely post.

Cmf x

[MissMelissaKate]

You're very welcome CMV,

I'm hoping to connect to some genuine people who truly understand the struggle.

My daughter and I need as much support as we can find atm so here I am, bells on 😊

[MissMelissaKate]

CMF even, sorry my bad!

[Josasem]

I’m a single dad of teenage twins, my exwife and I have been separated, and she passed away last May.

Since the death of my exwife, my kids didn’t really mourn nor grieve. They simply bottled all their emotions. They didn’t even shed a tear at the funeral.

Both of them adamantly said no to counselling and we have a big fight about it.

Now I think it’s catching up to them, my son is having problems with his sleeping.

And now he’s opening up that the reason for his behaviour was about his late mother.

Has anyone here been in similar situations as me.

I really need to get my kids help for their mental well being.

I know councillors and psychiatrists costs money, but are there any alternatives that doesn’t cost much

[Sophie_M]

Hi Josasem,

Thank you for sharing this here. We're sorry to hear how things have been, and we want you to know that we're here for you. 

Are you connected with any bereavement or mental health support currently? There’s some advice on you’re options for support, including how much it will cost, here. We'd highly recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEDT every day). We’d also recommend looking up the Parentline number for your state or territory here, as they’ll be able to work with you on how you can encourage your twins to open up to this idea.  

Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue helpline at any time, on 1300 22 4636, or on webchat (11am-12am AEDT). They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. Reaching out is so important for those moments when you don’t know what to do.

Do feel free to start your own thread on this if you'd like to. There's info on how you can do so in our Forum FAQ thread, here. You never know how your story might help someone else.

We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this, as you've been so kind in sharing your experience here. We can hear you’re a very supportive and loving parent, and we hope you can feel some pride in this.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M 

[CMF]

Hi Josasem,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out. Im sorry to hear your story. Sophie has given you some great suggestions but please also feel free to start a thread or reach out on this one.

There is so much support for you here.

Cmf

[ecomama]

Hi Josasem

Welcome to the forums. I'm sorry for the happenings and the passing of your ex wife.

You can talk with your GP about options of Counselling for you and your children.

Depending on their ages, they may be within the age group for Counselling through Headspace but a call to Headspace can sort this out.

Just letting you know that due to the pandemic on top of previous wait lists, it's important to get on top of this quickly as the wait could be quite long.

Also depending on how things happened with your wife's passing there could be other avenues of support for the children.

Due to the sudden loss of your ex wife it could be REALLY helpful for you to seek your own MH support.
Your GP could talk with you about options and make referrals. Sharing if there are financial concerns will help the direction of referrals too.

My Fiance has dealt with a similar situation when his wife passed. He admits he didn't cope very well at all.
The family splintered very soon after.

Communication is really important for you all. Having a safe and open environment for this helps.

Best wishes, hope to hear back from you soon,
EM

[CycloneTracy]

I don’t know how old yr kids are. My area is a pretty good one. My son is diagnosed with autism and isn’t exactly brimming with confidence. His primary school is probably 5-6mins walk, uncomplicated route…couple of roads to cross. I think he started walking by himself in year 4. I think we started the year, me walking with him but I wanted him to be more independent so suggested I just watched him for half the walk I could see. He didn’t want to at first. Within just a few days he was happily going out the door without me even watching him. When he started high school I wanted him to be independent but also thought it may help him socially to be on the bus, also it’s terrible to drive in/and around a high school of 3k+ students and find parking. Initially drove to bus stop, he was quite nervous. Did that 3mornings and watched get on bus. Then by himself since. If rains I take by car to shelter bus stop. As I said Idk ages or route but I do know how important it is to get kids feeling confident, not to feel entitled and if it’s making u grumpy cos yr tired…well. I’m by no means a parent who has got everything running smoothly and when my boy was young it was particularly hard, he was hard work …tantrums non stop and the anxiety, fear of is he ever gonna get out of nappies, will he ever talk, will he ever read..what if something happens to me? Got no family and mates were either busy with their own crap or they were just selfish not really mates who never helped me one little bit, I didn’t realise I had made such poor choices in mates until I had my son lol. So I was burnt out by a lot of anxiety and u still finding yr way, days just felt full of decision making …should I say no, should I let it go, should I ignore? Parenting has to be extra consistent with kid on spectrum but ofc I failed on that probs 20% of the time. It got easier, I got better at making right decisions..my kid was often way better behaved than kids who had no such disorders. I only learned all this parenting stuff tho because my son did have so many issues and I did my best, a phrase often used but I definitely feel I should’ve done better in some areas. Also now he’s 16 and he doesn’t want help with housework tho he would take pleasure in cleaning whole kitchen when he was 8. And I know I’m not being tough enough on him cos I’m not in a great place last few years a family issue, my sister. Long story …well a 50yr story so I won’t get into. But it ripped me apart.

[CycloneTracy]

Agree with everything you say cmf. Not much to add lol

[jeremiahqu]

Great and very relevant thread!