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Bad relationship, feel alone

Lost27
Community Member

Hello,

I just got out of a long relationship because it was getting bad and I wasn't treated very well and he blamed everything that happened all on me. Even tho everything he said and treated me really bad I want to be with him and love him but I want it to stop. I know I shouldn't want to be with him and I want my feeling for him to stop. I put up with so much over the years of emotional abuse but I still want to be with him. How can I make it stop.

2 Replies 2

therising
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Lost27

Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. Major transitional periods in our life can definitely challenge us to look internally for revelations/solutions.

Wondering if you can pinpoint a number of reasons as to why you still love your ex and want to be with him. This might help when it comes to better understanding why you can't let go of what you know, deep down, to be an unhealthy relationship. What sort of guy is he, in your opinion? Is he a goal setter and go getter? Is he a pretty confident guy, on the surface? Even though he was abusive, did he offer you some sense of direction, security or motivation in life?

Is it possible to now begin exploring certain traits you hold within your self? Taking your ex out of the picture, do you have any solid goals in life you look forward to reaching or achieving independently? Do you have a sense of self-efficacy (aka confidence in your ability to manage any situation in life)? What about a sense of self-love and a sense of internal strength (aka courage)? We're getting into 'Wizard of Oz' territory here with the previous questions and character traits. In some way, could you be relying on your ex to help define you, when all along you hold the traits you're looking for? Now that you realise your wizard isn't all that wonderful, shifting focus to your own true power may end up being what helps take some of your focus off him.

Sticking with the Wizard of Oz theme, the great and powerful Oz turned out to be a bit of a power hungry dude with self-esteem issues. The true heroes were those who took the powerful journey of challenge and personal growth.

Take care Lost27 and remember there's no place like home, that soulful place to be found deep within our self

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello L, and a warm welcome to the BB site.

It must be really upsetting to know that the person you loved has treated you so badly, all you wanted in life was affection and devotion from him, unfortunately, it wasn't like all the time as you say, I do feel very sorry for what's happened.

The love you have for him is being mixed up with a bad relationship and certainly not a healthy one for you to move forward and be the person you want to be.

Remember the pain you've experienced during this break-up has nothing to do with the relationship you've had, that can be confusing.

What you mourn for is the relationship you thought you could have had if things had just been different, but that relationship didn’t exist.

You could still love him in the future if you feel that way, but you aren't able to live together, this is how my ex and I feel, I still love her but she cares for me, but to be with each other has now long pasted.

I know there will be someone out there who will appreciate everything you do and vice-versa, someone you can cuddle up to every night, and someone to take care of you, the way you always wanted.

Best wishes.

Geoff.