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At a cross road, with very small amount of people to talk too.

Community Member

Ahh, where to start. last year my ex and I split up. It was a messy break up at that too. She left me for someone else. When her and new partner were together she fell pregnant after 4 weeks. They were together for 5 months. 4 of those months he was cheating on her with multiple females, he was on drugs like weed and ice.

The day after they broke up, she went to his sisters house to pick up belongings. She walked into his room to find him in bed with another person. An altercation happened and the ex girlfriend got hit in the face and kneed in the belly (still pregnant at the time as well). She called me up and I went straight there, the police were called and the ambos came as well. As we were waiting for them to come, he was denying the whole thing then contradicted himself saying it was a natural reflex.

After awhile her and I got back together, went to every hospital, baby shopping, buying things she needed for the hospital. After 3 months I asked her to marry me (we were together 6 years before we split). I asked for her fathers permission first, then at Christmas time in front of her family popped the question. She said yes. February our daughter was born (she's not mine but she got treated as such) my bond with her is unbreakable.

given her actual fathers past, I asked the ex to give it at least six months before he could see her. Even his mother thought that it was a fair call. I asked for a few of reasons,1) was so we could get settled in this new life, as it is we have 2 boys as well. 2) I thought I was protecting them both. 3) was a selfish reason and that was I didn't want him near them at all. 10 months back together, but in that time she went behind my back seen him, had him under a different name in her phone. When that happened we were looking into buying our first family car. I was fuming I didn't want to get into dept to be stuffed over. Eventually at her own discretion she told him to piss off anyways.

Got the car after that. we always had some fights mainly because I wanted to start saving for a house. Something to call home. I work longish hours at work doing 2pm too 11pm, I let myself go abit wouldn't have a shower all the time because I was stuffed from work 25-30 minute drive home and I had to be awake early for school drops offs and for our daughter while the ex slept. Well now we've split again, she's been talking to him again even slept with him while I was at work, making a living for us. I love her but what do I do?

3 Replies 3

Community Member

Addition to post above.

So we've split up 4 days ago.

She has already defended his actions on assaulting her saying "he was drunk the previous night"

but he has messaged me saying she lied about it all. That she was " tired, run down, angry and upset" so he has already started lying about it all and pretty much blamed her for it. He also said that he forgave her for the things she did, when there was nothing for her to give him any forgiveness.

She wasn't happy that i let myself go abit, I wouldn't shower every night, or brush my teeth every night/morning. This no excuse but working 2pm too 11pm sucks by the time I get home at about 11.30pm have a shower brush my teeth and do whatever else I need to do. I won't be in bed until about 12 or latter, I would then also be awake at about 7am (usually when our daughter wakes up) but also get the two boys ready for school make lunches, get them dressed and out the door to do a 20 minute drive to school come back settle our 5 month old, most times once I'm back we then go out ( we live in the country So then there's another hours drive and an hour drive back ) so finding time to do everything and to try and do the normal things like showering, brushing my teeth was difficult. But the we had to make it back before I had to go to work so was hard. it was hard to do the basic things people do.

I work 9 hours a day, at a time most people are starting to get ready to get their kiss from school. Have dinner ect all in the time I work.

I just can't grasp the fact she let me in her life again take on a child as her dad but to be ripped away like I meant nothing.

Community Member
Hi mate, I'm in a complicated situation with my ex too so can empathise with you. It took me along time to find someone and I really believed we would be together forever and have a family (which I have always wanted) but we lost our first baby and he couldnt handle it and basically abandoned ship. He broke up with me for my benefit apparently but it was a load of crap, he just couldnt handle it. I still love him so much but he has basically said he's not sure if he wants to get back together, even though we're planning to have a child together. As I said, complicated. I'm not going to tell you what you should do but I can say that I know how it feels to give everything you have and it not being enough. Sounds like your ex doesnt think she is good enough for you. Some people just inherently dont think they're good enough and seek out people who fundamentally hurt them because thats all they deserve. But its no excuse on her part - she's been hurtful and thats not right. If you've done all you can to convince her that you're worth it and she doesnt stay, then thats on her not you. Its not about you not being good enough. Like me, you need to focus on how youre feeling, not isolate yourself and let people help you cope with the rejection and hurt so you can move on some day towards someone who wants what you want and will love you for who you are. Easier said than done I know - look after yourself 🙂

Community Member

Thank you for taking your time to reply to me.

i am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I too have endured the pain of both my ex's misscarging. Losing a baby is hard when it happened to me in a way I blamed myself a lot. All kinds of things went through my mind ie what if I did this or what if I did that. I do hope it all works out well for you in the end.

Being isolated is going to be the hardest part like I've said I work 2pm too 11pm. I quite literally work by myself the only time I see people is the one hour change over from shifts or if I need maintenance and smoko of course but working by myself means I dont get to interact with fellow coworkers and as it's an meat processing plant there are 1000s of people so you never really see the same face twice for smokos and I have minimal friends.

I have my boys which will help me get up and go to work but I only see them for a short period of the day too as it is and my daughter but even then the ex is already slowly cutting me out of her life

kind regards CT