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Anxiety after relationship breakup

SDW
Community Member
Hi, every day I think about him, memories of what we did together, why can't I see him anymore, why doesn't he want to be with me. I stare at my phone, I think I hear knocking on my door and hope it's him, I get so worked up. I am not focusing on work or studies, I can't get through a minute without him being in my head, really stressed and anxious. I drive around looking for him, I call or text every couple of days in the hope he will answer. This has been going on for a month now. I am trying so many things, I loved him, i still love him. This is my first heartbreak at 39 years age and I'm not coping...........
15 Replies 15

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi SDW,

well done foe being so strong today and not making contact. It's also great that you distracted yourself from wanting to drive to his house. It is hard when a relationship ends are you've already been through a divorce Or separation. It's hard enough to get involved again in the first place.

I think you did good today, yes let the tears flow. It's good to get the tears out, I did a lot if that today too.

i hope each day gets easier for you. You deserve someone special.

cmf x

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Many congratulations SDW. I know how hard it must be to control the impulse to make contact. Truly it does get easier and your heart will mend. Crying is OK. I know you probably feel foolish, I know I always do, but it helps to relieve the tension. You are working hard on this and I admire your strength. I expect you are saying you have no strength, but you have demonstrated today that you can do the hard yards.

If you miss a step at any time try not to blame yourself or give up. Look at what happened and why you think it happened, then rearrange your plans if necessary and move on. I am walking the same road as you. I lost someone dear and didn't realise how dear until he had gone. Now I need to heal and I am doing the same as you. I call it distraction therapy and mostly it works. When it doesn't I have a chat to myself about what happened and then move on.

As M. Poirot says in one of Agatha Christie's books, "Courage mon brave, courage". One thing I have found is to look no further into the future than the next day. Imagine you are walking in the dark with only a lantern to guide you. The lantern light only shines far enough to take the next step. So concentrate on the next step and then the next step until you come back into the sunshine. We will both get there.

Mary

SDW
Community Member

Thanks for support cmf.......

The numbness that follows the anxiety from heartbreak is the calm before I get sucked into the black hole of depression. The thoughts of what I an doing, why, whats the point, going through the motions are all to familiar. I wanted to curl up in a ball after placement today and never come out. I went to Yoga class & went through the motion, felt good but now I have yo face another tomorrow, what for?

SDW
Community Member
Thanks Mary, we must have been typing at same time. I just read your post and it was the light i need right now. I do know im strong and these are only temporary moments that with support from beyond blue and kind words of people like yourself that share similar experiences give comfort during darkness. If I am to move forward and face tomorrow then getting to bed is essential. Good night and yes we will get there 🙂

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey SDW

each day is as step toward things getting easier. Mary summed it up perfectly Taki g onesteo each day, don't look too far ahead.

you will get there, you proven your strength. I'm so proud of you.

cmf x

Touille
Community Member

Hi SDW,

You are brave for sharing your experience, sorry to hear of your breakup. It's a terrible feeling inside, something I would never wish on anyone.

The sad reality is that some people just don't appreciate relationships, the ups and downs, they want them to be problem free, seems like the man you like is wishy washy.

It's been a year since I broke up with my girlfriend and I had similar problems to you, in the end I just ended the relationship completely and cut all contact. It was first heartbreak at 35 and today memories came back, like you said sometimes why wake upthe next day, well our hearts are made to heal.

Try to chat to a counsellor or a good friend, let the tears flow. Take it one day at a time.

You have got some good advice on here, I really hope you can get a good night sleep.

Take Care

Hugs

Touille