An inconsiderate husband and a happy life? Can it exist?

[At_a_loss1]

Last week I ended up in hospital. I thought I was having a heart attack! Turned out to be an anxiety attack. I've never had one before. Life has been so stressful lately and I've tried talking to my husband about it but he just talks over me so I gave up. I was 150kms from home (we live in the middle of nowhere and this is our closest large town). My husband was at work (100kms away). My friend was picking my kids up from school. I called my husband at work to let him know what was happening and got a response of...I won't be home until I finish work. He had no car. My friends husband drove 150kms to drop my friend at the hospital so I wasnt alone. Than he drove 100kms back to where my husband was at work to pick him up and bring him to the hospital. He called the whole time but hubby didn't answer until 6.30pm. I called my husband at 3pm. He had his phone the whole time. Friends hubby drove another 100kms back to the hospital & than home, another 150kms.I can't get passed the fact that my husband didn't even try to get to me. Not at all. My friends husband drove for nearly 6 hrs to make sure I was ok and my husband couldn't even ask to borrow one of his friends cars.I have been struggling with this marriage for the last 5yrs (we've been together 15) I always forgive when he's inconsiderate even though it hurts me deeply everytime. I just want to be happy. He apologises but things always go back to the same thing.How do I forgive this time?

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

Welcome to these forums.

There are lots of things in what you wrote. What fantastic support your friend and her husband give you. It definitely does serve as a contrast to being spoken over or ignored. You might follow the old pattern of forgiving and moving on if it worked, but it sounds to me like it doesn't work for you and you are considering what might.

This can be a good place to discuss and figure out a range of options. My guess is that living with a man who talks over, doesn't seem to care for you as much as being at work etc contributed to the panic attack. I also think if it doesn't work there is no harm in trying something else. What would you like to do differently or to be different this time? How would he react? Remember you are not alone with friends like yours and you have room here to talk through as well.

Rob.

[t33p33]

Hello

How wonderful to have friends who are so caring and thoughtful and go out of their way to help you at your time of need... truly awesome mates you have! 🙂 Sorry to hear that you had to go through that experience and feel no support or gratitude from your husband.

Have you tried couple's counseling or anything of that sort? Does he recognize that there is a problem?

Tracey 🙂

[geoff]

hello, just as Rob and Tracey have said how good your friends are, but with your husband you have always forgiven him, only for the same situation to keep happening time after time, but as it's been a marriage that has been difficult where you are struggling with no courtesy held by him, I'm not sure whether or not this marriage should keep going.
When love, help and care isn't happening within a marriage then what's the point of living with someone you may not love, because this only makes your life miserable. Geoff.

[lulululu]

Does your husband treat you well normally or is it just stressful situations that he can't handle? Does he have mental health problems? What's happened in the past 5 years for him to change? I'm afraid that he sounds like my husband, I could write a long list of situations where I have been treated the same! There seems to be a huge lack of respect for you and your feelings too. Do I have a happy life with my inconsiderate husband? Mostly not, it's a lonely marriage although I find joy in small everyday things and my children. It's really for you to decide if you can carry on like this, whether your husband thinks there is a problem too and if he's prepared to work on issues with you. 5 years is a long time to struggle, now's the time for some honest talking.

[Doolhof]

Hi At a loss,

It has been a few days since you sent in your post. I am just wondering how you are now? While in hospital were you given any information on anxiety and how you may be able to help yourself in the future if you have another anxiety attack?

Have you been to see your Dr at all since returning from hospital? It sounds like you are in a rather remote area, so gaining access to mental health support my be difficult for you.

There is plenty of information on this site for you to look at.

Hopefully you are okay.

From Dools