Am I the only one

[Washappyonce]

I have been with my man for 23 years 3 kids I thought we were picture perfect. I thought wrong. Two years ago I had a accident and became depressed two years ago he told me he never loved me. Fast forward this year he has been acting weird getting angry with me. Hiding his phone find out he has been talking to his teenage gf. After I confront him he tells me he’s always been in love with her he has never loved me only stayed with me because I got pregnant and was forced to be with me. He also has a distorted view of our history forgetting certain things and seems to have changed out life together in his mind. He won’t leave wants to stay his excuse if I never told u you would never have known and we would be fine. He is not the man I fell in love with. To be able to fake 23 years, making love children memories is this normal am I going crazy I don’t want to be anyone’s second best I want someone to love me love me strong it hurts and I’m trying really hard not to explode but I’m getting severely depressed I have days of crying I don’t eat at all in the last 6months all I do is binge drink and then lash out. This is not me. I loved him wholeheartedly I am shattered and I have no one to talk to I am embarrassed and ashamed that my life with him has been fake. All our family and friends believe we are the prefect couple perfect family I’m finding it hard to socialise work keeps me busy but it’s eating me inside because I have no one to confide in. Help me

[Guest_128]

Hi, the best advice for you is to confide in someone that you love and will support you. I am definitely no angel but how he is treating you is absolutely not on. Maybe an app with a solicitor would be wise.

I am sorry I can't help you more, be strong.

There will be people to post.

Dory

[white knight]

Hi WHO, welcome

So sorry to hear a story like this. Seeking advice will result in many views. So when I give you my view it might differ very much from others.

Firstly, background. IM 61yo. 4 long term relationships each more than 7 years. 2 grown children. Now very happily married for 6 years.

I dont think there is anything wrong with your thinking processes. Partners guilty of breaching trust often twist words, circumstances and shake the foundation of our relationship to get around the issue- deceit.

Everyone knows the basis by which we marry or have a defacto relationship. ..trust. we dont need to spell out to our partner this. By going behind your back he has breached trust- end of story.

Then its up to you whether you can live with this situation. Most people cant and therefore shouldnt.

Consider sanity by separation. Ask him to leave. You could treat such a move as a temporary move to spend a period of time to clear your head. But only consider a reunification if and when you are totally convinced he has changed.

Initially, separation is hard but children are resilient and your mental health is important. When he has moved out - keep busy, take the kids to the beach, movies, visit friends, go on dates. Be yourself. Love life.

finally. He didnt fake 23 years. He did have some devotion I'd suspect. But his mind has wandered. So try to keep things in proper perspective.

But you deserve better. Dont listen to lame excuses. Demand not for blame to be levelled at you. Seek what you need for happiness.

And if you separate seek things legally like child support. Remember trust is the issue.

Feel free to answer my reply. I'm here most days and I'll keep an eye out for you.

Tony WK

[geoff]

hello WHO, I absolutely agree with Tony and his wise words.
Your husband had a period where he did love you, but for some reason he's more attracted to an underage girl, where he found her is not so much the problem, but being in contact with her and trying to lure her is the problem, as well what he has been doing to you is inexcusable.
I would definitely be telling him to move out, he can't pretend to be someone he isn't, and if you do this secure your money, you don't want him to frivolously be spending money on this underage girl, who maybe taking advantage of the situation.
Yes you both loved eachother when you got married and then had 3 children, but he has other intentions now which has broken the trust that once existed.
Look after yourself, and look after your children.
I certainly can't tell you to go easy on the grog, that's your decision, but I want you to take care, and I think you need to see your doctor.
I realise that what has been said has shattered your dreams, but please are you able to get back to us. Geoff.