Am i good enough

[peter1977]

hello some of you may know me from my other thread about my partner having depression and anxiety . I write this new one because i have so many insecurities now and im really not sure what to do with them .Some of you may know that my partner had an affair and it broke up our partnership . we have since mended our relationship and we are both wanting to try fix things and be happy together . There are many reasons why this affair happened and i really dont want to go into all of them at this point . But since it has i have been feeling very insecure in myself as a man . I have always considered myself to be ok looking and have a decent body without having tickets on myself . I had always looked in a mirror and thought yeah you seem decent . I keep myself groomed and always try look my best but since this has happened i feel like i am not good enough . I feel like i have lost anything i had going for me and i feel like now i am old and worn out .I feel like maybe she had this affair because i was not good enough or i was not good looking enough for her . Is this normal to feel this way and if it is then how do i go about feeling as i used to and thinking i was ok . I mean im not male god or anything and maybe far from it but i used to feel as though i could make some woman look sideways at me at one time . Now i feel as though every woman on the planet see me as nothing .

[geoff]

dear Peter, hello again, and I do remember your previous post, and please don't worry about 'having tickets on yourself', because you're no different to most of us guys, until you get to my age, so we will disregard that comment if you wish.

What I can really see here is that you still worry that it may happen again, it's all written in your post as far as I'm concerned, and to be true I would also worry about it happening again, because with me I kept on ringing my then wife everyday at work, probably a bit paranoid, but it was always something that did worry me, as she was outgoing and attractive.

I don't know how to overcome this feeling, but I do understand exactly what you are saying, and in it's self it feels as though it's a disease eating away at you and me, but now I'm divorced. Geoff.

[ReeBecca]

Hi Peter,

 Of course you are good enough. Understandably though it will take a little while to heal the wound the affair has inflicted on your self confidence.

It is really great that you are working things through. I think relationships can over come infidelity if both people are really committed. It sounds like you both are.

Have you tried talking to her about how it has affected your self esteem? It may help to talk to her as she may be able to reassure you. Maybe her having an affair had nothing to do with you and I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with how you look.

A had a boyfriend who cheated on me a long time ago now and it took me a long time to get my confidence back because I blamed myself and thought I wasn't good enough. Eventually I realised it was his insecurities that made him cheat not me. 

Wishing you all the best.