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alone and rejected by love ones

mause
Community Member
I have always suffered from depression all my life so I find it difficult to make friends and connect with people. My daughter was married in December last year overseas, everything I thought was wonderful.  I have 2 daughters both are adopted from Korea.  At my daughters wedding we (my husband and I) found out our daughter was ashamed of us, our family was placed at the back of the church and at the reception our table was at the back corner if front of huge speakers which made it impossible to sit there.  She removed the father and daughter dance so she wouldn't have to dance with my husband (her father). We were devastated and humiliated. We didn't say anything at the wedding but did the following day. She didn't care. She has refused to talk to us since, her new husband tells us she is not ready to talk. I have slipped deeper and deeper into depression since. I realize now that both our daughters are ashamed of having non Asian parents. we didn't see it coming.  My husband is coping much better than me. I don't have the support of family and friends, most of my family is dead, and my closest friend lives in another state, so I can only talk to her on the phone.  My whole world has collapsed and I can't stop crying, I love my daughters so much and they don't love me.
4 Replies 4

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Mause, welcome to beyond blue forums.

Gee, how hard it is. I have a daughter that wont see me. Yet I adore her (not her atittude) and do love her otherwise. And we parents dedicated our lives for so many years.

If I told you, you must move on it would be a tough call. But you must.

You can have various degrees of this decision. You can say to yourselves (and your daughters if you wish) "the door is always open for you". Or you can make other decisions. For example. With my daughter who is 22yo over her lifetime I've trvelled countless miles visiting her, taking her to entertainment, driven to her town only to get a cold shoulder treatment, been defriended on Facebook etc etc. So I have made a decision. If and when my daughter ever want to see me it can only ever be in one place- my garden. If she had had children she is not to bring the, (I dont want to get attached and hence more hurt). I will not drive out of my driveway for my daughter. It is a fair and reasonable decision and its my decision. She can take it or leave it.

So put in your own boundaries. Stop writing to them trying to pry responses from them which appears like begging. Establish plans for a new life eg hobbies, sport etc. Boredom is your enemy. Time is your future friend. Make sure they know how to get in contact with you.

There are many threads here that can help you. Read here a lot. a couple of posts a night. It will get things into perspective.

Use search to read the following posts.

Making sense of grief

The grief of separation

Is crying good or bad for you?

 

Take care. Tony WK

 

pvroom
Community Member

I'm so sorry to hear about this, and really feel for you. I'm the opposite. I was married in Dec 2013 and my father refused to attend. We haven't spoken for more than 5 years and he has recently reconciled with my brother but shows no interest in me. I'm about to have my first child, he knows this and isn't interested.

It's very difficult to accept but what I have learnt is that nothing comes from forcing someone. My advice would be to try to keep contacting your daughter on a regular basis, i.e. weekly or monthly, even if it's just an email. Try to respect her wishes and causing her to be more angry won't help but I really hope eventually she will come around. 

Thinking of you 

Lexie_e
Community Member

My husband of 10yrs has told me he has suffered anxiety for 2+ years & learnt to hide it from everyone including me. He has now moved out 4 weeks ago & Sid he loves me but lost the spark/not in love with me. He is seeing a therapist, I asked him to come back home whilst he works through his issues but he Sid home just makes him more anxious. I don't know what to do, if he gets hep with his anxiety could he then think clearly & try to safe our marriage?

atm he says he feels he is losing his mind. & needs to fix his issue before dealing with our relationship.

mause
Community Member
Hi Lexie, I have been happily married to my soul mate for 38 years, but in that time he has suffered a nervous breakdown on more than 1 occasion. I was not able to help him through it, but I kept in contact and he finally came around.  He has recently (6 months ago) been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder which he has had all his life, I wish I had of known years ago because it explains all his irrational behavior.  We have not always had a happy marriage but for what ever reason we always came back to each other. I guess we have the same basic goals in life, family means everything to us and always will.  Just be near for your husband if he really loves you he will be back and try and find out more about what is hurting him so you can help him.