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Alienated

Rose52
Community Member
My daughter joined a local church about five years ago which she loves. She is getting married in one week and has not included me in anything such as shopping for her dress, shoes, flowers etc. She rarely contacts me and I miss the close relationship her and I once had. She seems to have distanced herself from her father and her brothers also. If I mention the church to anyone I get told that it’s a cult and they have taken over my daughters life. Any advice would be appreciated
7 Replies 7

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Rose, and a warm welcome to you.

It's such a shame that your daughter doesn't contact you and to be in a cult if that's what it means, then her loyalty is with the leader and to stay away from her blood family.

Whether or not this marriage has been arranged is something you don't know and probably won't be able to find out.

The reasons why all of this happened could be for a number of reasons so I wonder whether she was suffering from depression and this group suddenly appeared and offered to help her by joining because she may have been pleased by the way she was treated.

It could have been she needed something more out of life or a friend introduced her so all of these are plausible but also questionable.

I know how sad it must be for you to know she is getting married and you're not involved, that's upsetting, but please if you could get back to us and give us a little more information.

Geoff.

Rose52
Community Member
Hello, thanks for getting back to me. I’m not sure what else to tell you. In a nutshell my daughter joined this church, met her now fiancé and is slowly but surely pushing her blood family out of her life. My anger has set in now, which I have suppressed for a long time, how dare my daughter push her family aside. If there have been issues in her life, I have not known of anything. I raised her on my own from age of two, we were very close, I worshipped my daughter, now she has found a new family being the church. This is making me ill. I already suffer depression and now I am worse.

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Rose52~

It is hard when any child grows up and leaves home, which they tend to do, for employment, travel, to form a partnership, a host of reasons. As a single mum your daughter would have been such a large part of your life (and you hers) and now it seems over.

A loving child will try to keep in contact and try to consider the parent's feelings if they can. It does not look like it is happening here. Being brought into a cult does tend to separate the person from their previous life and that is sad, frustrating and worrying.

Unfortunately I can't see any actions you might take provided no violence or obvious coercion was involved.

One thing. You daughter knows you as her loving mother, and you have not changed. I guess if she is ever in need, or the attraction of this church wears off then she will remember.

For now I'd suggest you try to look after yourself. You mentioned depression so I'd suggest seeing your doctor and having your condition monitored.

Do you have friends or family you can be with? Not being alone does make a big difference.

Are there any ventures you had been putting off or thinking about? Around now may be the time

Croix

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rose52

I'm really sorry to learn that you are having such a tough time. I can't even imagine how hurt and angry you must feel. I'm sure you are also terribly worried about your daughter and the changes in her behaviour.

The others have already provided good advice. What I want to add is that if this was happening to my daughter I would want to know everything I could about that church and what goes on there.

What do you think would happen if you asked to go to church with her? It won't stop your pain or the wedding but at least you'd gain a better understanding of what you're dealing with, as I suspect there might be a long road ahead for you two.

Kind thoughts to you

Wedding went ahead beautifully. Not a problem at all. Things are good now so I’m keeping my mouth shut and hoping my daughter and her husband will realise the damage that church is doing. At least I have my daughter back, that’s the first step

Summer Rose
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rose

I'm glad the wedding went well and I'm glad you let us know. I've been thinking aboit

Hi again

My post decided to send before I finished....

Wanted to say that, I've been thinking about you. One step at a time with your daughter. Best of luck