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Accept, moving on but keeping options open ...

Internal_Sadness
Community Member

I always tell myself I will just forget the bad stuff from females in my life relationship wise, move on and things will improve and just continue to being a nice guys and eventually the right lady will come along.

 Is it a bad or ok thing if I leave my options open incase those certain ladies in the past change their mind and contact me? or should I shut the door on that forever?

 Thing is, I will never know I am wasting my time or not moving on BUT allowing them to contact me if they want to in the future.

So question is, to allow them to contact me in the future and I move on with life in the mean time? YES or NO? And why or why not? Advice would be wonderful.

3 Replies 3

bachat
Community Member

I think as long as you are moving on, there is no problem allowing future contact. However, i think no contact is also a good thing at the end of a relationship until you have started to heal.

I only just separated with my de facto (we have 2 little kids), her decision, i would love to try again but she doesnt want to. I wish i had the option of going no contact as it rips my heart out when i see her and communicate with her. At the same time i sometimes think if i fix my issues and she sees the changes, maybe one day in the future she may give us another chance. Its hard though, i dont want to hang onto that hope, as i know it will prevent me from moving on, but i cant seem to let it go.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Internal Sadness Welcome

I once considered asking my then estranged first wife to give it another try. We had two young children.

I returned to my caravan in a park after dropping off our kids to her. I knew an old wise man and asked him. He said- I've got two questions- 1/ Are you grieving for your fatherhood lost and 2/ why would you ever go backwards.

He was right on both counts.

Tony WK

BurtNewton
Community Member
Moving forward and focusing on yourself is the best thing to do, but if the contact is hindering this is any way you may need to stop talking to her. Focus on your own feelings because these are the most important in times like this. If it is supposed to happen it will happen, why would you force something only to have it end again in a short amount of time?