A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

[MisterM]

Hey all,

This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links.
I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb.
I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way.
To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up.

Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to.
We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her.
After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home.
I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man.
My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything.

I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now.

I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me.
It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself.
Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend?

I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law.
Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

[MisterM]

Hi Marcsa,

I am not into the choir thing. I like rock music.
I don't know if I want to join a band, most are very well trained and maestros on instruments. I am a self taught hack. I used songwriting as a hobby and a coping mechanism.
The mood gym online CBT I found useful and helpful.
I was doing so well since a change in my medication and doing that CBT 3 months ago.
I slipped because of the girl situation which then led to negative feelings about the course of my life to return.

[MisterM]

I am feeling very down and scared.
Scared I will forever remain alone and die alone.
My friend recently separated from his wife and is already dating a girl.
All of my friends find love soon after they break up with a girl.
It makes me feel like a big failure, that others can find love so effortlessly and I try so hard and end up being seen as a creep in the process.

[Apollo_Black]

Stop the negatives and start the positives.

Firstly don't compare your life to other people's. You have your own unique life. So your friend left his wife and is now with another girl - is that good?? Just concentrate on yourself. Finish your study, play your music - but do it for you. The rest will follow. Have you looked in to Robert Glover yet?

[MisterM]

Hi Apollo.

Not saying separation is a good thing. I am just down at how easy he can find love again. When I can't find love.
Same goes with my other friends, soon after breaking up they found love straight away.
I was enjoying university and now I am thinking negative about it, like I don't want to do it anymore and can't see myself in the career I am studying for.
Today is my last day of the semester then I have time off for study and exams. Hopefully that will reenergize me and fix my headspace.
I haven't had the chance to listen to the podcast. Been busy with uni. Hopefully next week.
Where can I download it?

[Apollo_Black]

I'm sorry you're going though this MisterM. I'm sorry I'm trying to give you direct advice. Don't mean to be pushy. And I know it's hard not to look at others and compare to your own situation. And I know how you must be looking at your study and wondering if it's the right thing for you.

All I can say is don't give up. You've come this far with study - why not finish and see how it goes. At least you'll be employable in a very good profession. I look at everything as a phase. Feeling down is usually a phase, just like most things, and it will get better, it will pass.

Don't worry about the podcasts for now - you should focus on your exams. But if you wanted to you have to get them from his website - they cost money but not a lot and you can keep coming back to them. Google Dr Robert Glover. Going by your concerns about dating etc I think it would be well worth looking at. Keep your chin up and give us a hoy if you need a pep talk. I've done a fair bit of uni and know that it can be a fair grind. But I'm still in the same profession 20 years later

[MisterM]

Hi Apollo.

Thank you for your advice.
I am feeling unmotivated to finish homework I got due in less than 2 weeks and to study for my exam.
I was so motivated and enthusiastic about university and now I am not.
What the hell is going on? 😞

[Apollo_Black]

Don't worry about it. Just get it done. Things will get better. Motivation comes and goes. Even if worse comes to worse and you want out its best that you pass.

[Elizabeth CP]

You have received some very good advice (& some very negative) but you need to remember nobody is insie your body & mind. You are the only person who truly knows what works or doesn't work for you so take the advice as a way to get ideas. Some ideas will seem wrong for you so ignore them (they might be good for someone else but not you) Other suggestions may help you think of things you are comfortable trying. Follow these.

At this time I would concentrate on your university work so you can pass your exams & that will help your self esteem, depression & anxiety. Try to make time to relax doing things you enjoy eg music This will give your brain a rest & make you feel more refreshed so you can continue studying. Aim to be friendly to the people you meet at uni or elsewhere rather than worrying about finding a partner. That will happen later when the time is right.

Good luck

[hope4joy]

Hi Mister M,

Sorry to hear about the whole situation with this girl, I can see how it would be confusing and upsetting. And difficult that you still need to see her every day. I had a falling out with a friend this semester at uni, and while it wasn't a romantic thing, it still really upset me to loose that friendship and go from having my buddy to sit with in lectures to having to sit with other friends who I didn't know as well. I'm also really sensitive in interpersonal situations and find the loss of a connection with someone can have a huge impact on my mood. When I feel connected and liked and loved and supported I usually feel good and strong - and if I have some sort of misunderstanding or argument or disconnect in my relationships - then I feel alone and weak and start thinking i'm a terrible human being. Relationships (like all types, not just romantic) are my biggest trigger - in terms of being up and down in mood. I guess because relationships can being so much joy into life, and I also value myself a lot based on what others think of me. I know that's not healthy, but its what I do for the time being. I also hate the idea of having upset or offended or hurt someone.

So that's probably not much help to you Mister M - I guess I just wanted to share that I can relate. And as to doing uni work when one's mood is low? I find the only thing it to sit down and force myself to do it - but take frequent short breaks. Because ultimately I am doing uni for me so to not do assessments is bailing out on me, and I don't want to do that anymore. My future (and yours!) is important and we need to do the work and reach the milestones to open up opportunities. Only 2 weeks to go Mister M, you can do it! Just bit by bit, you'll get there.

Kind wishes, Christina

[MisterM]

Thank you Elizabeth and Christina.

Yeah it is always my friends that boost my mood. I rely too much on them, I need to boost my own mood.