A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

[MisterM]

Hey all,

This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links.
I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb.
I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way.
To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up.

Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to.
We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her.
After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home.
I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man.
My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything.

I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now.

I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me.
It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself.
Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend?

I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law.
Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

[MisterM]

Hi firsttimemum.

Thank you for your post.
In the past week I have been getting over it and moving on.
I feel better but reading some of the posts here is making me feel pretty bad as some people are making me out to be some kind of obsessed stalker.
I was hurt at her reaction and her confusing behaviour since I decided to keep away from her physically and online.

[Apollo_Black]

Don't worry about those few posts MisterM - just water off a duck's back. Keep moving onwards and upwards. You have a lot of support here

[Stuckinmud]

Hi MisterM,

Your situation sounds very familiar to me, as I struggle with anxiety too and have often worried too much what someone thought to a joke I told and they didn't take it how I'd imagined, and resulting in them telling me off.

I don't know how teenagers think or feel these days, but when I was that age, I freaked out at a lot of things that wouldn't bother me as much now.

I'm only guessing, but she may have reacted in that way because she is a female and may have felt her safety could have been at risk, or that you were stalking her,or she just doesn't have the same humour as you. Who knows. The best thing you can do is leave it be, as she clearly doesn't want to talk about it. She could be embarrassed, or feel awkward about it. Only a speculation though.

I know how hard it is to just forget about the whole situation, trust me on that, but the best thing you can do now is to just relax, as hard as that is to do, and not stress. Don't worry about what she's doing, and eventually, if she feels comfortable with you, she will be more relaxed around you again.

I know how hard this situation is for you, and if I were in your shoes, I would find it hard to take my advice, but it's what your need to do for peace of mind. This girl may remain distant , which will be sad, but taking a step back will give her the chance to decide whether or not to come back.

Hang in there

[MisterM]

Thank you so much Apollo Black and Stuckinmud.
I really appreciate your kind words.
Much love Mister M.

[Marcsa]

Hi MisterM, if I can put my two cents worth in..... I think you may be overthinking the situation a bit. I feel from what you described she felt awkward and even embarassed about the attention she was receiving from you. I think she probably didn't know and maybe still doesn't know how to react to you. Just be calm, try for small talk, no pressure conversations - with no reading anything into the situation. It means 'squat' that she caught up with you to catch the elevator to the next class, A happy co-incidence , and leave it at that.

If I may suggest, do you play any other musical instrument ? Is it a possibility of joining a band or do you go to church - do they have some choir or ...? Try and pursue an interest a little outside your comfort zone - with no expectations . (Easy for me to say , I know) Oh ! And keep breathing, deep , calming breaths. 🙂

[HA1]

Wonderful and wise comments from Marcsa.

I was halfway through a convoluted reply until I saw Marcsa's reply. Could not have said it better.

K

[MisterM]

Hi Marsca,

Thank you for your post.

Yeah I play guitar (not that good) and do some songwriting (not that good a singer).
Kinda hard to find the right people to form a band, plus with uni commitments
I am not religious.
I overthink everything, it sucks. Part of my anxiety.

[Marcsa]

Hi MisterM,

I was actually thinking more of you finding an established group of musicians. Not starting something on your own. I have a friend who plays bass guitar and joined a community band in his local suburb. If music is your passion, despite what your family might think, you should give yourself the chance to engage with that side of yourself.

Also, as regards anxiety, are you doing anything to treat your anxiety? I know anxiety sucks. I pretty much always overthink and catastrophise about most things. I notice that it seems what you seem to have done in relation to the Uni-girl. Try and remember to take a few really deep breaths - slowly - perhaps even counting the breath in and out. That will slow down the blood flow and kind of 'ground' you a bit.

[MisterM]

Hi Marcsa,

I am not that good at singing to be honest.
My friend took 10 years to find the right band, not easy.
It's so hard to make a success out of music, so hard to be heard. Which is why I am focusing on completing this degree.
I am on medication for my depression/anxiety. I have done CBT online.

[Marcsa]

Hi MisterM,

I'm sorry, I didn't make myself clear. I suggested a choir or an established band/musical group, because I thought that you might go in as an accompanist or as part of the group of musicians. I wasn't trying to suggest you make music your source of income. I was trying to suggest maybe following a path (of music) which I thought (from previous posts) would give you some enjoyment. I really believe that if you find something which you enjoy doing - even if just for a hobby - you might find yourself a little less anxious.

A question , do you think your CBT online has helped you ?