A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

MisterM · ‎17-05-2016

Hey all,

This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links.
I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb.
I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way.
To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up.

Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to.
We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her.
After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home.
I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man.
My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything.

I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now.

I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me.
It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself.
Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend?

I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law.
Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

Elne · ‎21-05-2016

She feels awkward that you like her and asked her out and she doesn't feel the same way. The more attention you give her the more creeped out she will be. You were obviously contacting her too much online for her comfort. It's not her job to make you feel good about yourself, you need to learn how to respect people's boundaries. It can be hard for young women to openly reject men because we are taught that it's more important to protect men's feelings than to be assertive about our own wants and needs. Rejecting men can also be dangerous for us. This is why she fobbed you off saying she was working instead of straight out saying she isn't interested in you when you asked her on a date.

MisterM · ‎22-05-2016

I feel like you are having a go at me with that post Elne. You're making me sound like a stalker. I do know how to respect boundaries.
Is it wrong for a guy to ask a girl out nowadays?
I sat away from her in lectures and tutorials since she mistook my facebook message as creepy.
As per my previous post I walked quickly from one class to the next and she pretty much caught up to me and overtook me just so we can end up in the lift together. How do you want me to respect her boundaries when she chases me down? Sorry but I am annoyed with what you said.

MisterM · ‎22-05-2016

Hi Tony, Paul, Apolloblack,

Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Tony, the first google search didn't show in results, I read the insurance sales guy story.

eliza1 · ‎23-05-2016

Hear hear Elne. MisterM it's not wrong for a guy to ask a girl out, but she is clearly not interested in you. She is being polite and friendly because she is in a class with you. Your posts about her are, sorry, coming across as a little obsessive. Respecting her boundaries in this case would mean just treating her as a colleague/fellow student (like you would with any of the men in your class) and moving on.

pipsy · ‎23-05-2016

Hey. I feel most of the above posts are a bit out of sync here. MisterM has apologised, the girl said 'no harm done', since then she has maintained a distance, difficult when they're attending same classes. Admittedly MisterM is slightly confused as he was only trying to be friendly. I don't think he actually 'freaked' her out, she just didn't expect him to send her something via fb. I feel the girl is sending mixed messages, she doesn't want to 'go out' with him she wants to remain friends. She needs to be honest with him, let him know her boundaries. No-one is capable of reading minds, if she doesn't let him know when and how he's crossed the line, how's he supposed to know? If she doesn't want to speak to him, he needs to know, if she wants to just be on 'hello' terms, he needs to know. He's not stupid, nor a stalker, he's just confused.

Lynda.

MisterM · ‎23-05-2016

Eliza1, I don't think you read my previous posts.
I am moving on. I am sitting away from her. She followed me last week.
How am I being obsessive?
This girl is confusing me. I was trying to get away from her as fast as possible and she chased me down on the way to the next class. How do you know I am not treating her like another student? Which by the way I am. I am keeping any interaction strictly about our assignment. I haven't messaged her online since she freaked out.
Wow.

MisterM · ‎23-05-2016

Thank you so much Lynda.
Really appreciate your support and you understanding me.

eliza1 · ‎23-05-2016

You're seeing what you want to see. Sounds to me like she just didn't want to wait for the lift, so hurried in time to get it. I do this all the time, it doesn't mean I'm romantically interested. I don't know what you expect from her.

MisterM · ‎23-05-2016

Eliza, I did not say that meant she is romantically interested. You're putting words into my mouth.
I don't expect nothing from her, why do you ask me?
What I am saying is, if I made her feel uncomfortable, wouldn't she avoid me instead of catching up to me when I literally bolted from one class to the next building to get to the next class.
Trust me, she was not in need to hurry, we had the next class together to which we were both going to.
We were early and lifts come all the time.
Why are you attacking me like this?
I feel crap about what happened and you're kicking me when I am down.

firsttimemum · ‎23-05-2016

Sorry that people are being rude to you! Thats obviously not going to help when you are already feeling bad about yourself.

the only advice that I can give regarding the girl is to just move on. She obviously isnt interested, which doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you. Its most likely just because of the age gap. Shes probably just acting weird because she is embarrased. I wouldnt take it to heart. She is young and may not have experience in how to appropriately act in these situations.

All the best!