A girl told me I creeped her out - feeling depressed about it

[MisterM]

Hey all,

This girl from university that is in two of my classes sent me a stern message on Facebook on Friday telling me that I am creeping her out after I sent her a YouTube link of a video of her suburb via messenger. She told me to not send her any more links.
I thought she would find it funny as during classes we've been teasing about her suburb and my suburb.
I did not intend to creep her out at all and felt sick reading her message on Friday. I replied apologising and saying I didn't intend it that way.
To make things worse I actually asked her out on a date about a month ago and she said she's working so I never followed up.

Today was the first time I've seen her since she sent me the message as me and her had to meet up at the library in a private study room to work on our assignment. She seemed okay but after a bit of silence I just apologised again and she said for me not to.
We usually sit next to each other at lectures and classes, in the lecture today I sat away from her.
After the lecture she left the building first and had a good head start towards the train station to go home.
I caught up to her with another friend from uni at a crossing as she was waiting for the green man.
My friend ended up turning left and leaving just me and her to walk a block. It was awkward, we chatted a bit about uni but as soon as we got to the train station she just turned to go to a ticket machine without saying bye, then a few mins later she rushed past me down the escalators without looking at me or saying anything.

I have been very sad and anxious all weekend and the same now.

I feel so devastated as I did not even think of what she accused me of, it was a joke that turned bad for me.
It's got me questioning my character and disliking myself.
Is it because girls think I am a creep that I have never had a girlfriend?

I am also devastated because I was managing my depression/anxiety so well with a change in medication and recently met with my psychiatrist to say the change has worked as I was so happy, even my mum noticed the change and mentioned it to my brother in law.
Now it's all come crashing down, I feel hopeless again and guilty.

[blondguy]

Hey MisterM

No Worries at all....Its a rocky road....I actually get a lot of strength off Apollo Black as well as Pipsy and Tony WK for my depression...

It would be great if you could keep posting back

Paul 🙂

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mister M

I saw your name pop up, and I thought.... yes I know you. I remember having engaging discussions with you on the topic of "small talk". I don't have any advice though. But I just wanted to say hello anyway.

Hugs

Shelley xx

[MisterM]

Hi Shelley,
Hope you're doing okay?
Yeah I haven't been on much due to uni, busy with homework.
Hugs. M

[Apollo_Black]

MisterM - you don't have to give up your music. I agree you study is important but you need to take the time for enjoyment of hobbies. Time management will be important for full time work so you might as well practice now to keep doing the things that keep you sane (for me it was writing and playing original music).

Sometimes you need to cut some negatives and time wasters out of your life to fit other things in like study and constructive hobbies and personal development (for you working on your dating game). Eg : Less internet more guitar.

I know what's it's like to be under family influence too - but unfortunately as long as your living with them they will continue to have a greater influence on your actions. Only when you move out will you be truly free to unfold your wings. I wouldn't bother getting stuck in the whole "going to wait until I have a house deposit until I move out" thing - unless your parents are able to give the deposit to you. Get out and rent, it will be good for you. Yes you're 32 but there's nothing wrong with a late bloomer - at all.

[MisterM]

Hi Apollo,

I have a mortgage, have tenants in the property.
I can't afford to live there yet.
It's not just my parents whose opinions I am concerned about, my sisters and their husbands look at me funny when I talk about my music ambitions, like I am dreaming and silly and they have even told me I should focus on paying off the mortgage. My parents never have showed interest in my music when I play guitar in my room. They don't know I have a number of song demos recorded and don't know I have performed live at open mics. I keep it secret from them.

[MisterM]

So, I sat away from her in class today, as the class ended I pretty much walked out hastily to get to my next class, somehow she caught up to me and walked past me. We then got to the lift and both got in and I said hi, she said hi what's been happening. Just a few words. Got to our next class and she seemed fine. Was joking around with me. We walked to the train station with our assignment group member and she had to run to her platform as her train was a minute away leaving me and our other assignment group member. Confused.

[Apollo_Black]

Who cares what they think? The thing is - negative people tend to try and bring you down to their negative level. Hence why you need to work hard towards breaking free and getting out of your parents house.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing your day job to support your dreams - i.e. Music. So get your study done, don't procrastinate, and move forward. And whatever you do don't pout about some stupid 19yr old girl. If you don't have time to read a short self help book - download Some of Robert Glover's podcasts on "testing for interest" and not being attached to outcome, i.e. If they're not interested don't get upset just move on...

[blondguy]

Hi Mister M

You have a lot of real talent. You have done some demo tracks and performed live? And doing uni? I admire your talents a great deal.

Apollo has excellent advice I just read above. Very important to avoid overly critical or negative people ....they really have a far greater effect on us than we know.

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[white knight]

Hi

Some of us find it hard to move on as Apollo suggests and means well. This is because in your case emotions (which are: embarrassment, misjudgement, desire etc over ride all other things. You regret this action because in your mind you failed.

So, logic has to creep in. Analyse it. Like this,

Was she too young? Answer , No. She was over 18, single, attractive etc

Was your judgement inaccurate, Answer, likely. Girls that are friends and want to remain just friends portray the same outward appearance as if they were interested in you as a bf. So it is totally excusable for you to pursue her.

In terms of a suggestion by Apollo to move out of your parents home....yes, find a way to do it when financially able....which could take some time.

Your music is your passion. My ex partner and I had issues. I'd stay up till 2am making model aircraft. She'd explode in anger. We saw a counsellor. The counsellor asked her "so do you have a passion"?

She didn't, and those without a passion don't understand those with one. Siblings and less than positive parents won't encourage you. You need to take the next step and pursue your love of music without worrying about their thoughts. Again, not easy for a worrier but keep trying.

Google these

Topic: worry is non productive- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Seek out motivation lectures at uni.

Tony WK

[Apollo_Black]

I think it's important not to get hung up on perceived failure though Tony - it's a totally normal reaction to feel rejection. However I think it's also something that can be overcome - and even practiced. That's why I suggested the podcasts. If Mr M is busy studying he can download them and listen to them on the train. You can practice on men and women - all you are doing is testing to see what level of interest they have in you and this can be done quite quickly. The important thing is to not react badly if there is no interest. Just recognise it for what it is and move on - Robert Glover explains it very well that's why I'm pressing him to research it - because acting adversely to "rejection" ultimately perpetuates a negative feedback loop and paves the way to behaviours such as passive aggressiveness.

Also the reason I said what I said about the 19 year old - is that perhaps their reaction is a little less mature and considerate than an older woman's might have been, hence another reason why I wouldn't worry about it.

Anyway - good luck with everything MisterM