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3 years for nothing....

Community Member
So basically my girlfriend and i were dating for around 3 and half years the relationship was really good but we only had one downfall...distance. we had distance between us for 80% of our relationship we met up a few times here and there but everything seemed really good we had fights like every normal couple but i felt like these fights she just added them up like a tally every time we argued i felt like i lost a small piece of her nearly every single time after an argument she would almost be a little bit more distant and not her self...anyway things went on pretty normally though we were both happy she told me a week before she left me that she was the happiest she's ever been with me. until something changed one day i woke up i called her before she went to the gym she was super excited that i had called her when she wasn't expecting me too and it was awesome hearing how happy she was....but things changed after that call ended and she went to the gym and called me after but something was off, she sounded dull and different.Hours after this call she all of sudden started to become distant...very distant, one word replies, not replying fast like she usually did, not calling me on her lunch break or when she finished work and sounded really dull when i called her. This continued on for a few days later until she told me after i had asked her is everything okay that she needed her own space and that "its not you its me" she told me she wanted me to focus on my self more instead of always focusing on her and that we needed a break/breakup because she felt like i was "suffocating her" with too much love even though we're on opposite sides of the country, after the breakup i was destroyed i couldn't believe it, it just wasn't like her she just became like a stranger to me she treated me like i was a random person to her, she blocked me on everything but after 1 day i messaged her on instagram just trying to reach out and apologize for whatever i had done and that we could work it out as a couple but wasn't expecting her to reply, but she did. we talked that day and for the rest of the week up until now about work and exercising among other things but talk about our relationship was forbidden. she told me today that "this wasnt what i imagined time to our selves meant" and continued to say that "maybe we should just cut contact for a while" now im 100% all for this but i can't help but feel like shes just saying this so she can move on without me....help 😞
3 Replies 3

Community Member

my doctor showed me on a piece of paper the following

he draws two lines says that one line is me and one was a female i once was with

the two lines are shown as first meeting/touching then shortly after the lines showed as drifting apart then back again clsoe to each other but not exactly touching

the message my doctor was telling me that people will go though life with same views/activities/opinions and when these two lines touch it is to show that both persons are close with the same way of thinking of needs and wants

when the lines start to drift apart it means the persons ie you and your gf are on a different path with slightly different wants and needs

i dont have an answer other than to try to tell you about the two lines on a page

Interesting way to see it! i suppose it does make sense but like im really not ready to give up on her yet and by the sounds of it she isn't ready to give up on me either, i did forget to add in that she is very close friends with one my mates and had told him that when she can see that i've gone out and done things for my self and worked on my self that she'll "110% get back with me" but who knows......im thinking of giving it to the end of this month and if she hasnt said a word or anything by then im just going to assume its completely over and move on.

the two lines can also help with how to give and take

by seeing the gap and plotting your own line it might help you work out how both of you could make slight changes to bring both your and your partners needs and wants closer together

its much harder than it sounds but it is the only way i could try to understand well my doctor one of many at least gave me something to think about