21 year old mum who's lost and feeling lifeless

Lalalovessunshine · ‎19-09-2017

Hi guys I'm new and came here for somewhere to vent and find something but I'm not quiet sure yet. I probably don't make sense at all but the truth is I'm really lost. I'm a 21 year old young mum to a beautiful little girl. The past 3-4 years have been a struggle. I've had to be a single mum and I'm living at home with my parents. My mum has a drinking problem (for many years now) and also battles her own mental issues (I think biopolar or something similar) and the drinking makes her much worse. When she drinks she's somebody else and will almost every night want to fight or pick at you (we have a long history of fights due to her emotional abuse and drinking). My dad now has joined her and started drinking too much (a big disappointment because we used to be close and he was my only stable parental figure) and now I feel like I've lost him. The father of my child/boyfriend/dontknowwhatweare is in prison serving a 2 year sentence. I've dropped my whole life waiting for him/working on us with what we have and it's now with 6 months left of his sentence and I'm now breaking to bits. Everything is getting too much. My family home is a cold cold home where my parents make it very obvious I'm a burden and I'm not wanted here they just want to enjoy their own life. My partner is a good man that respects and loves me SO much but I feel like all the stress/hurt I held in over the past few years has now come to haunt me and I feel like I'm falling. I don't feel happy, I don't look forward to waking up tomorrow, I don't look forward to the future, I've lost all life in me. I spend my day in bed under the blanket lifeless. My daughter just plays around me and constantly asks me to come play but I just can't get up. I love her so much she's my whole life. She's everything to me and I promise her I'll be the best mum I can ever be and will vow to never be like my own that suddenly give up on me once I turned 20. I feel really drained emotionally. I feel like every day that passes I get sadder and I can't seem to find love that I crave especially from my mother and family. My partner promises to give me my dream family life when he comes out but I feel like it's too late my soul is so abused/tired that I don't look forward to tomorrow morning let alone in one years time. Not sure where I'm going or what I'm doing. I don't want to leave the house and at breaking point. Thank u in advance for reading and listening to me tonight. Would appreciate someone to offer advice

kanga_brumby · ‎19-09-2017

Lalalovessunshine welcome to beyond blue forums. Because of your situation I would suggest you contact a social worker . Try to get emergency accommodation to get your child into a safe loving place. If what you are telling us is correct I believe it is. You have to think of the child's safety first, it has to be housed and fed properly if you are being abused you are an extension of that child because you are it's primary carer you have to be protected.

Kanga

white knight · ‎19-09-2017

Hi lala, welcome

Thankyou for being honest and open.

I do think u our life with you bf will flourish after his release. I spent 3 years as a warder (40years ago) and met many ex prisoners on the outside. Most never wrnt back although sadly the statistics say 70% do.

I suggest to you that it isnt beyond you to set up in your own unit/flat and make a life for yourself. Your patents deserve their own home and you deserve one without the effects of alcohol.

At 4 days after my 17th birthday I joined the Air Force and it was daunting but getting out makes you stronger.

Also attend centrelink and ask what you are entitled to..Rental allowance etc.

Work it all out and set up a little home ready for your man to kick start his life

Good luck

Tony WK

awrinkle_in_time · ‎19-09-2017

Hi , i am so sorry you are feeling this way , i understand the drinking and the crazy behaviour that comes from it . and you wanting that love and support from your mum is so normal . the drinking changes everything and its not your fault at all your just having the life sucked out of you . sometimes as much as we want support from people we love its just not there , they can't give it . most of the time it hurts them so much that they can't they truly want to but are not able . they need help themselves .. this is hard to deal with when your wanting support yourself .. everyone hear at BB is sending you a big hug right now ..Keep writing , keep talking , things will change ... there is lots of support around we just need to get you in touch with it .. Maybe someone else can help with some contacts ..

Lalalovessunshine · ‎19-09-2017

Hi there thanks so much for responding to me tonight with your support. I am considering getting advice from a social worker on housing but I please need to reassure my child is safe and she is very very well fed. If she was not safe I wouldn't have her here. My mum is a good grandmother to my daughter but not a very good mum to me..

Lalalovessunshine · ‎19-09-2017

Hi tony,

thank you so much for responding to me tonight with such a supportive message. I just hope I find the hope in me to believe him when he says he will give me a new happy life.

I feel bad for him because life hasn't been on his side either and he's never had a chance to prove anything to me but I'm hoping we are strong enough to fight through this as people and as a couple. And I hope I'm strong enough to fight this darkness that is lingering over me.

As for housing I am willing to look for housing options other than home but money is tight as is and he is begging me to just give him 6 More months and wait for him to give me my home and stable life.

There were times I ran away and stayed at friends houses but it wasn't sustainable And I thought since my home is still a safe roof to sleep under I need to think of my daughter and stay put just until a little longer.

Lalalovessunshine · ‎19-09-2017

Hi there friend,

thanks for replying to my post tonight I really appreciate it. I agree with you when you say that some people just can't give you love. It's so hard.

Me and my mum were such close friends as I grew up (yes she was harsh and now that I look back I also didn't realise then she was very emotionally unstable). She sort of raised me to be her only best friend and to deeply depend and rely on her to the point that suddenly when I turned 18/19 (also when I got pregnant and needed her the most) she suddenly halted our relationship and cut me off and became a very cold and angry mum. So this sudden cut made it very hard for me to cope because I became very attached to her. I constantly seek her love but always get let down. I never understood what I did wrong I never brought any issues to the family home, no drugs, no crime nothing. Sometimes she'll say my pregnancy wasn't an issue to her but when she's drunk the opposite comes out.

I wish and pray every day that she'll heal and stop drinking but now that my dad's joined her and he's just become an angry person I feel like it'll never happen.

I just really dream of moving out and starting my own life soon that way I can hopefully heal too.

awrinkle_in_time · ‎19-09-2017

Yes i understand , the hardest thing about being on the other side of Alcoholism is that we never win . They are great at keeping us close to them .. it will only change when she is ready and you can't wait for that, when and if it comes it will be a blessing ..You have not done anything to influence this behaviour .. keep saying that to your self .. do some study on Alcoholism and the affects of living with an alcoholic parent .. It will give you strength .. you have a life in front of you , this will be a scar but you can't change that at all .. you can just get strong for yourself and your girl; and your man . i tried for years growing up to change my fathers bad habits ..that was 30 years ago ..he is still the same but i am different . xxx

awrinkle_in_time · ‎21-09-2017

Hi Friend , Hope your week is going ok ...