Working through my trauma to find myself again

[Jorge1]

Hi all

I just needed a place to express how grateful I am to have reached this point in my life. I have been to many dark places and it's nice to recognise the light again.

I can now understand how I was unable to move through my own trauma. I was feeling stuck for decades until I decided to park relationship troubles and life to focus solely on myself. It was hard, I felt selfish and unworthy. I realised I was skirting my issues and taking on my partner's crap that was being projected onto me. I was unable to untangle me and my mess from her mess.

After a short stint in a Trauma Recovery Unit, I feel strong all of a sudden, all those attempts at boundary setting have paid off. Twenty years of working on myself with Psychologists, Psychiatrists, hospitalisations, EMDR, ACT, DBT, misdiagnosis, anxiety and depression have certainly paid off. I now have a definate sense of who I am and what my values are.

Years of denying I was born into the wrong body has been pushed down for too long. Recently I outed myself to my immediate family and a few close friends. My anxiety levels rose but not to unmanageable levels. The excitement I feel at having options to explore now that I have accepted I am trans trumps the anxiety I feel poking my head out of the shadows.

My partner has her own self growth journey and we are at very different stages. It saddens me and I know I am doing the right thing separating her stuff from mine. It may see us heading in different directions and that is okay. Incredibly sad and okay.

I need to and will continue to put me first. I feel worthy now. I no longer feel selfish. I feel proud of the hole I have crawled out of. I feel excited by the future. Self compassion, self validation and sharing with others is such a beautiful place to be finding myself.

Hugs to all x : )

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jorge1,

Thank you for sharing such an amazing and inspiring message. You never know who might read your post and feel less alone in their own experience.

If at any point you feel like talking things through would help, you can call or webchat our lovely counsellors on 1300 22 4636. You might already be aware of QLife, also, but they're really great to call if you want to talk about your journey towards self-acceptance, and your experiences coming out. You can call them on 1800 184 527 or check out their webchat from 3pm - midnight. You can also talk to Blue Knot about this on 1300 657 380, every day between 9-5 (AEDT). Their counsellors are experienced in working with people who have experienced trauma. They also have some resources on their website which could be useful to visit, particularly the pages on Survivors Self Care. 

Thank you again for your courage in sharing your story. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Catie 08]

Hi Jorge1,

Thank you for posting. I experienced trauma as a child and still struggle with it 30 years on. Your post gives me hope that one day I'll feel ok again.

Catie08

[missep123]

Hi Jorge1,

I wanted to say that from reading your post you are incredibly strong, you are incredibly brave and you have so much self-awareness.

I am sure your post will give many a lot of hope!