Woman i love gets abused,its affecting my own mental health.

[KiwiWayne]

That title probably sounds selfish,maybe it is but if i didnt care so much it would not mess up my head, im an alcoholic who was told that alcohol as its a depressant was the cause of my mental issues,myself i feel it may over been the other way around,my mental problems caused my alcoholism,i still have depression & anxiety during even long periods of sobriety.

To get to the point i am 5 months sober & returning to an ex that was recently raped i found out today,shocking as it is this is not the first time, she is a attractive female alcoholic & that i have found is not a good combo,without going into detail you can imagine vunerable drunk = predator magnet scenario, my already cluttered head went into overdrive with all sorts of emotions, the reason i left her in the first place was because of a similar incident,i feel i've failed her,i dont know who to speak to or whether this is even the right forum (& no she wont go to the cops)

[BlueGrass]

Hi Kiwi

A discussion on a forum I used to be on pondered that very "egg before the chicken" scenario re drinking, and I think it was finally concluded that it can be both, or neither, for that matter. It is how it affects the individual, no black and white.

With your friend. It is such a male-dominated society still, and so much blame is thrown on the victim, I do understand her reluctance. It would be hit and miss getting good, understanding police to speak with.

I think you might be wise to seek a counsellor for yourself, and discuss this. Just my opinion, but might be worth it.

I'm sure others will comment soon

Take care

[Croix]

Dear Kiwi Wayne~

Welcome here, and before I say anything else I'd like to give you a cheer - 5 months sober! That is an achievement. And yes here in this Forum is a good place to start.

With your ex, of course it is up to her what happens, if she says no cops that is very understandable. It's still an enormous thing in her life (and I guess yours now) and I think some expert help might be in order. The results of that experience can affect a person's whole life. Could I suggest her calling a professional organization like Respect (1800 737 732 anytime) or our own 24/7 Help Line (1300 22 4636) and seeing what happens? They are both pretty easy to talk to.

I would imagine your support for her right now would mean a very great deal - to both of you. Did she actually tell you about it? That would seem to indicate a fair degree of trust. I've no idea about the reasons you left before but if you have a second chance at a relationship you have something right now many do not.

Leaving that to one side it sounds as if both of you could use professional help in other areas too. Consolidating your 5 months so you don't slip back and also dealing with the depression and anxiety. I've not had an alcohol problem, but just for depression and anxiety on it's own I had to have medical help.

So if you are not already under treatment I'd suggest you start with your GP and take it from there. Whether the booze started the depression or the other way around you still need to deal with it.

You might like to have a look at our thread Forums / Long term support over the journey / Battling the booze where others talk together.

I've talked about you supporting your ex, but do you have any personal support? Ideally I would hope that can come from your ex and you can support each other. Alcohol can get in the way but maybe you can overcome that one together.

Apart from anything else you might find it worth a look at the depression and anxiety sections of The Facts menu above and also a browse around this Forum to see how others have coped.

I'd welcome it if you came back and said more

Croix