What to do with anger?

PeacefulWarrior · ‎07-08-2017

Hi, i’m new to these forums. I encountered a traumatic event 2 years ago. I’m now 6 months into the healing process and have recently started therapy with a trauma psychologist.

But I’m struggling. I’m angry, impatient, restless and on-edge all the time. The smallest things trigger intense rage - and I don’t know what to do with it. So I turn it inwards. The other day driving the car, I ended up pinching my legs so hard that I was screaming in pain (it was to prevent myself from a road rage incident). Most days I binge eat to swallow anger. Or i throw something to smash. And the rest of the time it turns into frustrated helplessness. I'm already doing light exercise at gym most days (weights, walking or pool), which is probably helping a little... but its not enough.

I’ve read that anger is part of the healing process when coming out of (or through) trauma - but I’m yet to learn a productive way to channel it outwards (rather than inwards).

I’m a bit of a passivist, but I've been thinking about taking up boxing - to punch bags, not people. Has anyone found that helpful? Or some kind of martial arts? has anyone here experienced other ways of physically channeling this angry energy outwardly and productively? At this stage, I'm open to all ideas about what to do with anger 🙂 cheers

Elizabeth CP · ‎07-08-2017

My brother bought his son a drum set, set up in the garage to give him an outlet for his anger. Same principle as the boxing. It seemed to help him & he has certainly changed from a very angry & violent teenager to a lovely caring adult. My grandmother used to smash jam jars in the bin when she was angry. Maybe not constructive but better than bottling it up or exploding. A book I read suggested allowing time to 'wallow in anger (or other negative emotions rather than trying to dismiss them. This meant accepting you are feeling angry & then thinking about why you are angry. Saying to yourself something like No wonder I'm feeling angry when X just happened. The idea is that by acknowledging your feelings & then acknowledging that there is a reason for feeling this way you take the sting out of it & the feeling will ease. In contrast trying to stop yourself from feeling angry & telling yourself you are bad for feeling that way adds fuel to the fire & even if we control it for a time it will explode later.

Neil_1 · ‎08-08-2017

Hi there PW

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your post.

Intense rage, anger, on edge all the time – yes yes yes, I can identify with these issues. Unfortunately, I’ve had them for a fair while; while not all the time, they seem to surface from time to time – when I receive an unexpected trigger.

I used to play cricket for a long long time and was a fast bowler … so that was an area that really worked very well for me – taking out my frustrations on batsmen.

That avenue has been closed off now for some time, due to the unfortunate thing called age – and me not being able to do what I did before.

I’ve always been into weights as well, so when the cricket finished, I ramped up my weight training and so I hit the weights hard with every gym session I have.

Boxing – I’ve done this too, on a heavy bag and this is another good form of release.

Martial Arts or something like that – I also think this would be a good way of using up some pent up energy.

Running – have you thought about doing that?

Even cross-fit style challenges, where you sort of do a rotational round of exercises, fairly difficult ones, so they are challenging as well.

I’m mentioning all things fitness and sports related, cause that’s where I receive my biggest benefits for my emotional issues and releases. These also have the very good side effect of helping you get fit (fitter) and so being very good for the body.

I hope I’ve mentioned something that may be helpful to you.

Neil

PeacefulWarrior · ‎08-08-2017

Hi Elizabeth, thank for your post. Both very good suggestions.. I felt my body relax just reading these responses. Ive felt my body yearning for a creative outlet for this anger - music wasn't something I considered in the past but will now explore that as an option. And allowing myself to wallow in anger - its a challenging one, as I find it very uncomfortable. But you are right - I know why I'm angry; and I understand that this is a part of the body's response to trauma... and that this anger is a sign of healing (thawing, coming out of freeze). As I reflect on this now - I do have some judgement about anger - it's bad, I shouldn't express anger, society doesn't like angry people, I can't show it or express it, if I express anger within my family I will be hurt, rejected, abandoned... so a part of me does judge the anger and is trying to keep it under wraps... I think I need to tell my family i'm really angry as a response to the ptsd and give myself permission to express it rather than bottle it up. thank you.

PeacefulWarrior · ‎08-08-2017

Hi Neil, thanks for your post. While I don't wish this torture upon anyone, It's somewhat comforting to know that others are experiencing or have experienced something similar. Exercise is also my go-to solution to all things emotional or psychological.. so I have been making an effort to either walk, cycle, swim, gym etc.

I do have some injuries from ramping up weights training in the past, so I'm somewhat limited by the intensity of weight training these days. Also, my body and nervous system are feeling kinda shot at the moment, so I'm feeling like I need to take it slow, rather than harder... but slowly building intensity on the days I feel a bit stronger...

Running - yes, that thought has crossed my mind recently... Good to know boxing helped you, I think I will follow that impulse also and see how it feels to punch some bags 🙂 Thanks for your help!

Guest_1055 · ‎08-08-2017

Hi peacefull warrior,

I am sorry you have experienced some kind of trauma in your life. My heart goes out to you.

As for that emotion of anger....well I understand you there. There was a period in my life where anger exploded from me in fits of rage. It actually scared me, because it was such a powerful and strong emotion. So forceful and I hated it. Also I had not experienced the emotion really before and did not know what to do with it. I was taught to push all emotions and feelings deep within all my life.

Currently like you I am learning what to do with this emotion. I use to bang into walls, throw and smash things, drive off in the car to run away and shout at someone to whom I regret very much shouting out at. He has forgiven me , so I am thankful for him doing that. I do not recommend shouting in angry outbursts to any person or animal. Anger exploded in this way can hurt others. And sounds like you are actually hurting yourself there , ie pinching yourself like that though. Hope you don't mind me saying that?

Doing exercise is a great way to release built up frustrations and anger. I do this now. However I use to only walk, with not raising my heart rate much. So light walking, like you , it did help some. But I have found out that the more I raise my heart rate the better I emotionally feel. So when I feel frustrations within I use this powerful feeling to push myself.

I have also learnt to forgive people that have hurt me in the past and also in the now. Though I need to forgive quicker I think and not hold onto any bitterness or grudges I may have towards others. This process has helped me a lot. It frees you in some way.

I have also written out the reasons that I am angry in lists. Punched my pillow many times. Screamed out in a safe yet secluded spot. Including here on BB, like venting really.

And please know it is okay to feel angry, we just have to learn what to do with it in a healthy way. You will get there.

Shell xx

PeacefulWarrior · ‎08-08-2017

Ahhh.. that big "F" word..... Forgiveness!

Thanks Shell. I had forgotten about that as a healing process. There is a 'perpetrator' for me to forgive... but I also need to forgive myself for putting myself in a situation which exposed me to this trauma.

Jeez, where to begin? any tips on how to embark on a process of forgiveness? like, how to i do this so that I feel it, and its not just words?

Thanks so much for your post - it sounds like we both were taught to suppress feelings - so when they come bursting out later in life, they fire out in all kinds of ways. And yes, I recognise that by pinching myself i was hurting myself. The binge eating, turning anger into depression, pinching myself... and previous habits of substance abuse - they're all ways of turning that anger in on myself to hurt myself rather than others.

In one way, trauma and ptsd is 'waking me up to myself' - i'm learning so much from this - and it seems that my current learning is how to channel anger in a healthy way instead of hurting myself.

thanks again

Neil_1 · ‎08-08-2017

Hey Warrior,

Just a quick helpful tip ... before commencing on the heavy bag, or really any kind of boxing/punching, get yourself a pair of gloves. The smaller martial arts ones are fine (not the big boxing gloves) ... cause if you don't you'll find you'll be without skin on your knuckles in no time at all. 🙂

Neil

Elizabeth CP · ‎08-08-2017

Thanks for your reply. I think it is important to remember anger is a normal human emotion which is designed to prompt us to respond to unfair or bad situations. Without it we wouldn't be prompted to change or avoid bad situations. The problem is inappropriate reactions or expressions of anger. It is OK to be angry when someone hurts you but it isn't OK to turn round & punch them which is why having something like a punching bag or drums or some other physical outlet can be helpful to manage anger.