What is a good step to helping an angry family?

[Spl spl]

Hey all,

So yesterday my dad hurt me. I was of course, a little concerned after. According to several different sites, it is a sign of increasing violence.

By the way, this is the first time this has happened. I have a great relationship with my dad, I would say that I am closer to him than my mum. And we were literally joking and laughing in the car on the way home that day. But when he gets angry its like he goes back to his instincts. Also the last time he even hurt me was 2 years ago, and afterwards he promised he would never use violence on me again. And he didn't until yesterday.

So yeah you can see my confusion here, because he's pretty chill 9 times out of 10, he just has this anger problem that pops up every few months over this or that, and then my family is worried, and then forgets it happened. And then the cycle continues. I want to get him some help and see a counsellor or anger management person or something. I'd say my family also has these anger issues.

I'm painting this bad picture here but my family is really friendly a lot of the time. It's only once every few months, where someone has a small argument over something dumb, that it escalates, and escalates, and escalates. None of us deal with anger well at all. My dad is the worst by far though and he's really not leading a good example.

What would you say is a good step to helping an angry family? Do you know any good programs for dealing with anger management? Also, should I see a doctor ? Even if you don't answer these questions I would really appreciate a second opinion. Thanks for reading.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Spl spl,

We are sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time with your mum and dad. Please know that we take reports of abuse seriously and that we are here to support you as much as you need.

Our Support Services are trying to reach you via email as we are worried about you.

If you or anyone in your family are in immediate danger, please call 000.

If you are not in immediate danger, 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) is a great resource that offers support for anyone experiencing abuse, domestic and or family violence - https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Keep checking in with us to let us know how you are going, when you feel up to it.     

 

[Quercus]

Hi Spl Spl,

I hope you are safe. It is understandable that you defended the actions of your Dad (because he's your Dad and you know and love him) but even occassional violence (or the unpredictability of thinking someone may lash out again) is not acceptable.

It might sound random but I have read some of your previous posts about ghosting people and feeling apathetic/procrastinating generally and about a sibling feeling suicidal and had always wondered if there was more to your story because you would reach out a little then stop replying.

After reading your new post it made me wonder if this is what you really needed us to hear and acknowledge? Forgive me please if I'm wrong.

Are you safe? Sophie mentioned Relationships Australia and they are excellent. They run all sorts of courses even ones dealing with anger management.

I hope you don't feel pressured to reply or afraid of the support service reaching out to you. They just want to know you're safe.

If your family is willing to ask for help with you places like RA aren't judgemental. We're all human and learning ways to channel anger and frustration safely aren't always things we are taught as kids. But we can learn.

I hope you feel able to keep reaching out. I related so much to your post about ghosting people. I do it too all the time. When we're unwell sometimes it is just too overwhelming to respond to anyone.

You don't need to answer posts here ok. If this is a safe place for you to put feelings into words that's ok too. If that means ignoring a post and talking about what you need to at that moment it is ok. This is your thread to talk about whatever you need to.

Nat

[Spl spl]

Hi Quercus,

I know I'm replying quite late, but thank you so much for your reply. I only saw it today! I'm safe and fine, another incident like that hasn't happened again. My Dad apologised. Hope I didn't worry you with not replying.

So basically my Dad and I pulled a bart and homer simpson. But like more dramatic. If that doesn't sound non-threatening I don't know what will...

Well, that happened a few months ago now, so everything's back to normal now~

You mentioned about seeing my other threads and that was kind of touching for me, so thank you. Yeah, I do tend to reply for a bit then leave then come back. I honestly just forget I post here sometimes, that's all. I tend to go to this site when something happens that I can't talk to anyone else about, for that moment. Like maybe people are too busy to talk or involved in the conflict (like this time, I couldn't go talk to my mum, because she was involved) so I had to switch to an outside way to vent. That's pretty much it.

Is there more to the story? Not at all. When you put all my threads together like that it makes me go 'wow I should really follow the forum guidelines and pop that all in one thread' and also 'wow so much has happened' but I'm not undergoing any kind of huge trauma right now, so don't worry. My family is very... very predisposed to mental illness. My mum has anxiety. My dad has depression. My sister was suicidal. My mum has told me stories about the various suicidal exploits my grandma would do to try and get out of her exams. It's all in the blood. So my family always being ticked off by super annoying tiny things is really par for the course. I won't pretend like I'm some victim suffering or anything, I've started and been in fights myself. I just wanted to know some way to stop it.

[Quercus]

Hi Spl Spl,

Thank you for your reply (it doesn't matter to me if a reply is 3 days or 3 months between. There shouldn't be pressure here to reply. I am just glad my post helped you.

It is reassuring to know you're safe but I do still find it a little concerning to read that you are accepting of what happened. But to me... Mental illness doesn't excuse violence even if it is mild.

No judgement here by the way. I am no saint or superparent either.

I'm glad your Dad apologised. Is there any chance he has agreed to come with you to a therapist? You mentioned you also have problems with anger at times too... There are therapies (from memory I think CBT is one) that can help you learn to regulate emotions.

Lots of people come and go on the forums. It is absolutely fine and expected. It does help to return to an existing thread simply so people can get a better idea of your circumstances (and not repeat advice and questions you may already have read). But not to worry.

How are you at the moment?

Nat