A warm welcome to you, Beb7.
The aim of these forums is to give silent suffering a voice. Well done for reaching out and sharing your story.
A couple of very distressing events have happened to you within a short period of time. Trauma takes a toll and you need healing. I'm sorry insensitive people are trying to fast forward your grief and recovery. You need time and support, not callousness.
We're all different so react differently to everything in Life but I can relate to what you are up against. I too have stared at death at close range, mine and others', though in different violent circumstances. It does change one's perspective, doesn't it ?
Finding a counselor or therapist you can connect and work with can take time and several attempts. But struggling alone is too difficult. PTSD is a medical condition that plays havoc with brain patterns so it needs to be considered and treated as such. It doesn't just disappear on its own. The good news is, with the right help and support, it can be managed and its effects gradually lessened. So please don't give up. If a counselor doesn't help, search for another.
There are practices and strategies that can help with anxiety. They're a complement to professional assistance. You can google Relaxed Breathing, Relaxed Body Scan, Mindfulness for example. Daily practice, at times when all is well, is the key.
Smiling Mind is an useful app.
I am glad your loved ones are more supportive than your employers. You are lucky to have each other. I hope you can find another job soon as being in the same workplace is a constant reminder you could do without. Getting out of there would help you move on. It may be worth contacting a job finding agency and explaining why a new job has become a necessity. Some situations demand priority.
It is no straight, even path but the peace of mind you so much deserve can and will return.
Kindest thoughts.
