(Trigger warning) Bullying, home invasion, PCOS and anxiety

[Spiro96]

Hello, I am new here and not sure how to even go about this.

Lets just start at the beginning (well, the beginning of all this). when I was younger I had witnessed numerous things growing up, due to being a victim of circumstance. I was bullied since I first started school, which led to me refusing to be enthusiastic about learning and resulted in me dropping out by yr 10. During my school life, I had witnessed my mother fight for her life with meningitis when I was barely 7 or 8, around the same years my family had a home invasion where my step-father was beaten nearly to death I made eye contact with the men who did it. It was awful. not long after that, my home, just a month or two after my birthday, had had a Molotov Cocktail thrown at it, which resulted in losing our home and being very close to dying. not even a year had gone by when I returned to school for yr 7, that a boy had told me to my face that i should have died there. I lost everything and those words just killed what little of my happiness that i had left. all this happened to me before I had even started year 8, and boy was I not prepared for what was to come during my highschool years. bullying was worse, I was the target of spit balls, aggressive girls looking for fights, and casted aside socially by everyone.

I spent 70% of year 9 and 8, hiding in my room, crying myself to sleep. I drew the line when my mum brought home beyond blue books for my "depression". I guess I was embarrassed about how horrible my self-esteem was at that age and it definitely didnt help when one of my friends tried to make it a competition of how depressed we could be. it was awful.

On my 19th birthday, i had gone into the doctors to pick up my results from some tests I did due to not having my period for a long time.and well, I was diagnosed with PCOS.

Too much to go into about what PCOS is, so if you're curious, please just google as I have explained so much its starting to hurt me more.

The doctor gave me a prescription, and I took the medication for a while, but it just made me feel sick.

Now, today, I'm 20, turning 21 in a few months time. Ive taken tests on beyond blue that suggest my anxiety and depression level is at extreme 'high'.

Im constantly crying these passed couple of weeks, ive had mood swings a lot... and not only that, I've been having bursts of anger resulting in me punching walls and going absolutely insane. i can't handle this anymore. Theres so much more to this. Idk what to do.

[Croix]

Dear Spiro96~

Welcome, I've read your story and am really pleased you came here. There are lots of people that have experiences that might help. Although I know nothing abut PCOS - other than following your advice - I can understand a lot of what you have gone though. Hopefully now things will start to get better.

Children can be unbelievably cruel, getting together in groups and picking on outsiders. They really know no boundaries and anything can be fair game. The young person they are tormenting can be terribly hurt, with lasting effects. I don't blame you in the least for wanting to retreat in you room and avoid them. All one can do in the circumstances.

Nobody should have to live a life with violence, home invasion or having their house burnt down, or being close to death as a result. Having fits of anger, mood swings, crying and not coping now are not in the least surprising.

Then add on top the emotional effects of PCOS. A huge burden for one person to try to bear.

So I guess you need help. Although you said you were diagnosed for the PCOS you have not said if you have seen a doctor and been diagnosed with depression or anxiety -or PTSD for that matter, which I guess might be a possibility.

If you haven't been diagnosed and are not currently under treatment I'd strongly suggest you see your GP for a long consultation and set out all the facts. If you think talking might be too hard just print out your post or else write everything down beforehand then share the paper (I've had to do that).

I would suppose you also need your PCOS meds made more suitable too. If the doctor thinks it the way to go you may be given meds, a Health Plan, visits to a psychologist and therapy. Could be the start of improvement in life for you.

Apart from medical support how are the other people in your life? Is there anyone you can talk to, who understands and wants to help? I found I really needed support from my family, it was pretty hard otherwise.

You can of course ring our 24/7 Help Line 1300 22 4636 anytime and talk to a human voice, they are pretty good, understanding and capable.

While you are here would you like to have a look at The Facts menu above about anxiety and depression? Also have a browse around this Forum to see how others have coped.

I hope coming here and having people who will talk can make a difference to you . Please keep on posting, even if it can seem difficult to do

Croix