Trauma childhood and adulthood trauma

[JRC1962]

Hi I'm 61 years old. My father is nearly 90. He was so critical of his children when we were growing up, and his words still haunt me. We get on well now but every now and then he will say something that brings it all back. It's just a relationship where I am numb to it. I married a man who drank and gambled and womanised, I was so naïve and damaged from childhood experiences so I just put up with it all, and was told constantly how bad I was. He died 20 years ago. I struggled socially to fit in with everyone I knew and to feel good about my relationships, even though I have old friends I never feel like I belong anywhere and I'm always anxious. I work in a responsible job, I have two daughters, one of which has had terrible trauma from school. I just remember every bad thing that has ever happened and can't move past that even though I've also had some good things happen over the last 20 years.  Thanks for listening. I don't think I'll ever not feel anxious socially. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear JRC1962,

 A very warm and caring welcome to the forums…

I am so sorry that you’re going through that…

My childhood was very abusive by my parents and eldest brother, as soon as I turned 18 I married a man that turned out to be a very nasty narcissistic person and I struggled to survive that marriage until he passed away 10 years ago….that’s when all the abuse I suffered came bearing down on me and caused depression, anxiety and PTSD…which I’m struggling with still 10 years after my “freedom” from the abuse i had survived….You are a survivor and I’m so pleased you are…

Memories are terrible and can trigger a PTSD downer for me, with the abusive memories that started over 60 years ago for me surfacing to the front of my mind….I’m  67 now and even though I’m free from my abusers the memories linger on…I ended up in hospital after an attempt…that’s when my life started to turn around a bit….I’m not saying a stay in hospital is needed but I would like to very gentle suggest that if you have a GP…to please talk to him/her about how your struggling with past memories…they can help you, by setting you up with a mental health care plan where you can talk out your feelings and thoughts out with a professional counsellors/psychologist….who helps you to understand why you’re feeling so much anxiety and teach you different ways of coping with it….

I also have good and happy times but anxiety, depression and PTSD seems to squash them many times…I try hard to think of those happy times to help me through the darker times…it works sometimes, sometimes not…The main thing sweetheart, is that no matter how many times you fall…you never give up trying to get back up and take one little step forward…and never ever give up on yourself…you are important, very much loved and needed by your 2 beautiful daughters….You got this…

We are here for you, when we can be to help support you as much as we can…

My kindest thoughts Dear JRC1962…and a gentle warm hug 🤗 (if that’s okay)..

Grandy..

[JRC1962]

Dear Grandy

Thanks so much for your reply, it was nice to hear that someone has had similar experiences.

Sorry about the late reply, I have just worked out how to reply in the forum, I am new to all of this.

Much appreciated.

JRC

[Ggrand]

Dear JRC1962…

Please don’t be sorry, look after yourself the best you can…it can be difficult to navigate these forum…just letting you that I hope today is a good day for you….and we’re hear whenever you feel up to talking some more…

my kindest thoughts Dear JRC1962…..hugs 🤗..

Grandy..

[quirkywords]

JRC1962 thanks for sharing your story so honestly. Grandy is such a compassionate person and is willing to use her experiences to help others.

JR there will be many proplecewacing your post who won’t reply but will feel less alone avi g read about your experience. Thank you for joining the forum. 
we are hear listening and you are not alone. 
If you ever have any questions about the forum just ask. I took years after joining before I worked out how to post and to have the confidence to post.

[KazumiMatakashi]

Dear friend, thank you for sharing your story. Try to look into CBT.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a great tool for dealing with the current moment - 
and provides practical tools for gaining control over the time we still have in this short journey,
despite everything we have been through. 
Blessings.