Teenage daughter has cPTSD, OCD, anxiety, psychosis, tics and I am a primary trigger

[Creek]

I am a first time writer. My family experienced a number of traumatic events overseas, which meant my daughter witnessing from age 8-11: a drowning; a category 5 cyclone; my heat stroke (delirium and seizures) and later, concussion; her close friend’s relapse with leukaemia; an accident where a boy was hit by a truck; a dog’s death; a neighbour’s house fire; a Rottweiler attack; a house assault in which rocks were thrown at the house and a machete attack. I tried to get help for her at the time and after, but it was "all in the box".

Now, at age 15 years after panic attacks and increased symptoms we have a psychiatrist, diagnosis and have started treatment including medications. A major complication is that as I was involved in most of these events, I am a huge trigger to her. My guilt is enormous that I couldn't/cannot protect her and that I didn't understand what she what suffering for so long. I am now getting help myself after a very stressful time at work and losing our property in the bushfires brought me close to breaking point. When I am less than completely stable, she struggles which then spirals. Any advice is much appreciated as I feel very alone.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Creek,

Thank you for reaching out to us here on the Beyond Blue community forums. We know how difficult it can be to discuss such feelings. Please know you have taken a really important step in doing so. We're sorry things have been so difficult for you with so many family tragedies, but please know we are here to provide as much support, advice and conversation to you as we possibly can.

We would strongly recommend speaking with our friends at Lifeline – 13 11 14 and www.lifeline.org.au – or phoning Suicide Call Back Service – 1300 659 467.
Check back and let us know how you're going when you feel up to it.

ModSupport
 
 

[Croix]

Dear Creek~

I cannot realy contemplate the experiences your daughter has had, though I'm certain they would have rocked or destroyed the feelings of a stable and non-threatenng world most children have.

So please try - no matter how you feel, or how you react to the terrible things in your life - to hold on to the fact that you are a solid enduring foundation in her world. You love, that will shine though, no matter how distressed you are.

That foundation may not seem effective right now, but it is there nevertheless.

As Sophie says, come back when you can, we will be waiting for you with understanding.

Croix

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Creek,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for being here.

I'm not a parent so I wasn't sure whether I should reply to your post, but I thought maybe I could reply anyway to try and help to ease some of the guilt that you are dealing with.

Your daughter has been through a significant amount of trauma in such a short space of time. It is terrible and saddening to hear all of the things that have happened. It's completely understandable that you didn't know that your daughter was suffering too - trauma is such a complex thing and we all cope in different ways, the majority of that hidden to others.

Of course you would feel like a trigger for your daughter having been involved in these events, but I personally do see and reframe it differently. For lots of these experiences, you both went through them. It is a shared trauma. That can be difficult because you may feel or be triggering, but it can also be valuable in that you 'get it' because you were there too.

You mentioned that you were getting some help - how has that been going so far? Are you finding it helpful?

While I can't take away any of the pain that you are both experiencing (as much as I'd like to), I'd like to remind you to try and be kind to yourself. You've both been through some incredibly traumatic things and are coming out the other side. I think that shows so much resilience in both of you and also providing hope that things can get easier.

rt

[therising]

Hi Creek

It blows my mind to think about how much you and your daughter have been through both together and individually. To hear that you have the sense of mind to both seek greater understanding regarding it all is reassuring.

As Mum to 2 teenagers, I have come to understand that whilst I cannot always protect my kids, I can guide them in ways that raise them to greater self understanding and an understanding of life, based on my experiences. I acknowledge that I may come across times, in the future, where I don't know how to help them and in this case I will seek guidance for them from an outside form of support. This is exactly what you have done for your daughter. You haven't simply done what many parents would do - announce 'Pull your socks up and get on with things'. She is incredibly lucky to have such a deeply conscious person in her life, such as you.

In you having mentioned how much trauma you have shared together, I am wondering if anyone (therapist or otherwise) has suggested researching ways in which you can relax together. You both sound like you are under incredible stress. Whilst stress puts a lot of pressure on the many systems in our body, de-stressing these systems, especially whilst going through the exhausting process of therapy, is significantly important. Practicing breathing exercises together, practicing outside the square considerations together (Chi Gong, Tai Chi, meditation etc), practicing grounding exercises together might prove for an interesting experiment when it comes to raising each other. There are a lot of places around these days, regarding natural therapy (for relaxation) which can see you both attending sessions together. Finding a teacher/master of such therapies, who fully understands deep stress and anxiety is a must.

I'm a firm believer that parents and kids do raise each other. It's not a one sided affair (parents raising children). Our kids raise us to the challenge of becoming more conscious of their needs and their pain, they raise us to joy through their laughter, they raise us in many ways to understand the importance of connecting or reconnecting with life. And we raise them in a myriad of ways. While life may feel like a see-saw of ups and downs, knowing we're on that see-saw together sheds light on the interactive experience, not just as parents and kids but also as friends/companions.

Spending time together in recreation, may prove to be time shared in the positive re-creation of a life together.

🙂