Struggling with my family --- (trigger child sexual abuse history)

[b_abbey]

Hi there 🙂

Lately I have been very upset at my family because they no longer believe I was sexually abused when I was 9-12. Initially they believed me but because my abuser is a doctor and he has told them about the "creation of false memories" and how my alcohol problems has likely affected my pre-frontal cortex = I should not be believed. This is a load of bull as I clearly remember the abuse and have never forgot it. I do drink too much, but not daily, and my liver enzymes are not elevated, to help create the picture. Anyway, just being in their presence - regarding my mum & dad - triggers me, and makes me feel angry and I want to abandon them - but I love them. It just feels so toxic and I feel lost. I really does hurt that he has the ability to change their mind, it's like he has abused me all over again. I am a professional too, but because I am not a doctor - I rank further down the line, in my parents eyes. In actual fact - I think they don't want to believe he did this (he has been accused by others too), and they do admit that they don't want to believe. Thanks for listening. If anyone has any advice I'd be very thankful!

[Quercus]

Hi B.Abbey and thank you for reaching out to the forums for support.

It can't have been easy to ask for support again given the reaction of your family. I'm glad that you did though.

Reading your post I had to take a moment to reply because my gut reaction was fury. I am disgusted at the behaviour of the doctor. Abusing you is awful enough let alone manipulating others to stop believing you. It makes me feel sick knowing this person is practicing as a doctor.

I wish I knew how to give you advice that would help but I don't have any answers. Just want you to know that here you have a safe place to talk. Many people here unfortunately share the experience of coping with trauma and not being believed. I hope reading here you might in time find others who have found ways to work through this.

Is it ok if I ask what sort of supports you have offline? It's absolutely ok to feel uncomfortable with your family. Being let down by people you love when you really need them is traumatic in itself. It takes time to rebuild the relationship and it isn't easy. That is a situation I can relate to as I'm working through it too. If you want to talk about that I'm happy to listen.

Is there a possibility that the other people hurt by this doctor would report it? Someone that hurt me in the past had been training for a similar position of trust and the worry was always a huge weight on my mind. My psychiatrist took the concern seriously and checked the registers to make sure he wasn't a doctor. He hated the idea too. We have the right to be able to trust that medical professionals will act responsibly.

Have you felt able to reach out to any other medical professionals? I cannot even imagine how much it must hurt to have family trust your abuser. I feel worried for you. We cannot control what other people choose to believe so if your family aren't supportive it makes sense to find other supports who will focus on helping you.

Nat

[Doolhof]

Hi b.abbey,

I too welcome you to the community here on the forum. I see that Nat has offered you a wonderful reply. I don't know what to add to what Nat ahs already written.

I too am sorry that your parents do not believe you. I hope you are able to receive some counselling and assistance to help you through what you have experienced.

It can be difficult to understand and comprehend when people we grew up thinking we could trust betray us.

Hopefully you are able to find inner strength and fortitude to move on, to feel stronger than your memories of what has happened to you and what is occurring now.

No doubt you have many mixed thoughts and emotions. I would also like to point out that none of this is your fault!

Wishing you well and hoping you find a new positive sense of who you are!

Regards from Dools

[b_abbey]

Thank you so much Nat for your reply! I didn't realise I had a reply so I'm late to notice. But thank you for your support. Yes this person is trained and working as a dr now - he was a teen when he did this to me, and I was a child. I do suspect he has abused others since - but they are so close to him, they don't speak up? he abused one of my friends, and one cousin, that I definitely know of. I have seen a few psychologists - and I can re-start treatment, but I was finding it tough to bring it up "on schedule" like, sometimes I have bad days and the last thing I want to do is talk it over, if you get my drift. One in every 5 appt was tough to even get to, mentally. Whereas some are good days. I saw a physchiatrist for many years and unfortunately I did not tell him because I wasn't ready - I thought I'd tell no-one at that time. Life changes hey. I'm glad I have the courage to speak up now - loose lips sink ships! it's liberating and so much less shameful for me now - as I understand I was not at fault. If you want to talk about your experiences feel free - I am happy to listen as well. Thanks again, Becks

ps. yes the family thing is a whole new level for me & something I don't wish to experience. I just can't believe the power of his persuasion- because they did believe me at first! it's a shite feeling, but I realise he's manipulative (plus) and I will keep standing my ground xx

[b_abbey]

Thank you so much Dools! Yep Nat covered a lot, but your words mean a lot to me, thank you. My reply is above 🙂 Yes working towards a 'positive me'. It took me a while to have the courage to speak up. My family don't understand why it took so long. I think that is something he's played on. Also, I live a much greater distance from them than he, so he has worked on them more frequently! uurhhggg. Thank you for reaching out! xx