Stripped of a life dream.

[rat17]

Hi, I write this post to hopefully see others experiences in this area. I was put into a situation where my employer/contractor was questioning my life and why I tried to commit suicide. As I truly believe in truth, I felt I have nothing to hide but the conversation became very heated, where this person believed that I did not try and commit suicide cause I did not succeed as she believes anything you do in life you succeed, and if I was real about it that I should go and do it, I became very angry fist punching the table and in absolute tears. It was a work Christmas party so alcohol was in play. The conversation came to a quick halt and by this time it was 4am in the morning and we had just stopped drinking. I no longer felt safe nor comfortable, so for the first time in my life I got in a car and drove for an 1 hour knowing I was over limit but I felt I was no longer safe and needed be somewhere that I would be. This all happen in December last year, by the time January rocked around I knew things were not all good. I shared a catering business with a person whom I thought was a friend. Late January got a phone call from my business partner stating she could no longer cope with what was happening which stemmed from Decembers event and that she wanted the business ceased as she wanted to save a friendship as well leave the woman whom we were contracted by as she could no longer cope with her controlling ways.. All her reasonings sounded factual and no reason for it not to be, so I agreed. Within 24 hours of this event, I lost my business, a friendship of over 15 years, and my lifes dream which took so long to a achieve. All my catering jobs gone, all business assets gone, to find out my ex-business partner had started a new catering business and continued working with the woman she so despised. Still to this day she works for this woman, all friendships I had created over my 2 years with this company were gone. People were told to have no contact with me. Today I struggle over the loss of friendships, and my passion for food. Some days are ok, but most is like mourning a loss so great as it was not easy to allow people into my life as dealing with BPD, PTSD, and depression is no baggage anyone wants to know about it. Wondering if anyone has experienced such loss.

[Croix]

Dear Rat17~

I'd like to welcome you back.

Life has been very hard, however I'm impressed by the way you have managed. Coping for 7 yeas or more with PTSD, depression and anxiety is no mean feat. As I have the same diagnosis, probably for differing reasons, I'm well aware of the roller-coaster ride you must have been having -and the stigma some idiots still hold.

Having a family that does not seem to understand, and not hitting it off with your first psychologist has meant that two of the most important resources you need have, at least back then, been denied you.

May I ask if thngs have improved and you now have competent medical treatment?

To have a dream and a skill that makes it possible is treasure. You have the passion for food and are able to make it. It is still there inside you. You are just as capable and skilled now as before.

So what was the before? In December you had the terrible luck to be bullied by a bigot with no idea of life, just an overwhelming urge to insult those who have suffered. Why such people exist I've no idea. There are horrible people in the world and I'm afraid that is simply a fact of life. Avoiding them is for me the best plan.

Afterward you found your supposed friend wanted out, and lied in order to make it happen. Probably playing on that deep down feeling of lack of self worth that comes with the illnesses we share. So she's gone. Two worthless people out of your life - saddening but good.

Why they have tried to persuade others not to be in contact wiht you - there are two obvious reasons, the first being to make it more difficult for others to see their reprehensible conduct, and the second is the fear your culinary skills are so good they dread competition.

Time, patience, a little luck. I'd expect you have the tenacity to re-group and find yourself a business or niche where you can be productive - and happy.

You are wondering "BPD, PTSD, and depression is no baggage anyone wants to know about it". Well I am an example of a happy ending. Middle aged, with PTSD, depression, anxiety. Invalided out of my job, told I'd never work again, no money, no paid job and no prospects.

I met my now partner after my first partner died. We have been together over 20 years now. We are in love and my condition has improved unbelievably, partly meds and therapy, more especially being loved, given responsibility and giving care.

It happens, me in the past, you in the future.

I'd love it if you came back and talked some more

Croix

[CKS]

Hi rat17

Unfortunately you have been dealt a hard blow. I had one of my business dreams taken away from me in such a cruel way and it also involved defaming me in the market place too. This was about fifteen years ago and it wasn't until after I had been diagnosed with CPTSD that i let go (forgave) of the excruciating pain and hurt. This was about 3 1/2 years ago. I finally made peace with myself about this. I had hung onto those toxic feelings for far too long. So please do yourself the biggest favour that you can and look into your soul for how to forgive these cruel and manipulative persons, and free yourself of any ill feelings. Don't waste the talents you have... concentrate your energies on other avenues for you to get yourself back into the limelight.

Best wishes

CKS

[rat17]

Hi Croix,

Firstly thankyou for your response, it was muchly appreciated and insightful. My apologies on your loss, as losing someone special in your life for anyone is traumatic enough.

As for my medical treatment it took such a roller coaster ride, I have done a therapy called DBT for 3 years, along with EMDR and I will say with some good results. And yes I do have a good therapist now, he can be very in your face at times but sometimes I think I need that.

As for my family, what a path we share. As much as of my journey has been tough, theirs at times was not much better. My partner of 30 years has been through so much, and yes he at a time was at a loss to help. But I can say now that has changed somewhat.

Can I ask are all days for you good? Do you question the bad days? What do you do to get through them?

This whole event has left with a sense of emptiness and such a great loss. I agree that leaving the place was better for me and my health no doubt.

I believe that no friend would do this to someone, but this episode was certainly not my first rodeo.

Too remove this person I removed myself from social media, and any activities that involved her.

Removing myself from social media has been somewhat daunting. It is truly an eye opener how much people rely on it, I feel I have become isolated.

I want to fight for my dream, and get back what I know. Having trust has become somewhat non existent within friendships. And as told by many there is always going to be bumps you just need to learn to jump.

I really appreciate your reply, it did give me a smile.

Hope to hear back.

Thankyou sincerely

[Croix]

Dear Rat17~

I'm a bit tired so this will not really do justice to all you ask.I'm glad therapy has helped and your current psych sounds what you need. My therapy and meds was a fair bit of trial and error, but I ended lucky and have had waht I needed for 5 or more years now.

Yes losing my first partner seemed the end of the world, but I survived and was lucky after.

Bad days. Well I know I can get though them becuse I've the many years experience to guide me.

Sometime I do not press myself, and let anything I can during those times slip a bit, knowing I can make up later. Escape into books, talking about good things with my wife, playing with pets. They are some of the get-by strategies.

In fact it is the knowing that it will not last and I"ll recover that is the biggest boost -takes the pressure off and confirms hope..

I use a thing called a Wellness Recovery Action Plan becuse it sets out what to do for each level of down -or up. it relies both on how I feel and on what other have noticed. It works for me, if you Google WRAP plan you will see what I mean.

Probably not for everyone.

Social media is a mixed blessing. If you can do without for while perhaps that is no bad thing.

Faith in others? There are good people out there, I've been blessed by being married to two. Made a world of difference. I meet others to in all sort of places, even when in the police.

I've every faith from the way you talk you will get your business feet under you and go forward

I'd like it if we talked some more

Croix