Relationship Advice, Emotional Abuse?

[Andi00]

I’m 17 years old, I have been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. At the start of the year I began talking to a guy on online and we became close, he told me he was single, I later found out he wasn’t and I stopped all contact with him. He broke up with his girlfriend and sent me an apology, I ignored him but gradually we began talking again and about 3 months ago started dating. At first, I thought his attentiveness was sweet but it’s become a worry. He won't stop texting me, I have to talk to him until he falls asleep, if I don’t respond to a message straight away he freaks out, he rings me at 5:00 am and wakes me up, if I tell him I want some time to spend with my family he texts me non-stop and tells me I don’t care about him. I recently went out with a male friend he messaged me over 30 times and rang me 9 times in 2 hours, he was angry at me even though he goes out with his female best friend all the time. On Thursday I went out with my male friend, my boyfriend knew I was doing this and said he was fine with it. When I got home I rang my boyfriend as he wanted and he asked what I had done that day, I told him what we did including that I went to my friend’s house for about an hour. That evening I met up with my boyfriend to see a movie but instead he asked me to go to a nearby park with him, so he could eat before the movie began. On the way there he told me I dress like a slut and accused me of going off with other guys. When we got to the park he snapped, he accused me of not telling him that I had been to my friend’s house. I told him that I did tell him, and he said, “but you didn’t ask my permission” I asked how it was any different to him seeing his female friend and he told me “it’s different”. He was yelling at me so I wanted to leave. When I tried to, he grabbed my bag and phone and pulled it off me, he then grabbed hold of my wrists with force. I am petite he is big, I was scared and began crying, he started to hug me and he told me he was sorry, he “didn’t mean it”, “he’d had a bad day” he then gave me a gift. Things have been tense but yesterday he went to a GP to seek help, and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder and multiple personality disorder, I am a bit doubtful of this as he has a past history of lying. He keeps telling me he loves me and will change. I think I have become dependent on him and am scared to be without him but also I am scared to be with him. I would really appreciated some advice.

[blondguy]

Hello Andi00

Welcome and good on you for having the strength to post too

This is a very disturbing situation Andi00. I am very concerned that he grabbed your handbag and then your wrists with force. Of course you were upset and scared.

To answer your question Andi00....Yes this is definitely emotional and physical abuse too (assault)

He also sent you 30 texts and called you nine times in 2 hours. Unfortunately this is also unhealthy obsessive behavior as well as causing you emotional pain as per what you have posted

I have no problem with meeting anyone online and have done so a couple of times successfully

You are an intelligent and caring person Andi00. Just from what you have mentioned I would exercise caution as there are too many red flags that you have posted regarding his conduct.

As well as emotional abuse you are also a victim of physical abuse too. This behavior is not to be tolerated in any shape or form.

I hope you can let a close friend...parent...or even your GP now about what has happened as soon as you can

Your welfare & personal safety is paramount here Andi00. Being scared as you are now is an indicator that having no contact with this person would be the best move you could make.

If you are stuck and need a voice on voice Beyond Blue have caring people available 24/7 on1300 22 4636

Please remember that it is illegal for anyone to be physically or emotionally abusive. Its only my opinion but I really hope you can keep away from him. (as per what you have posted)

Im sorry for the late reply Andi00. We are usually pretty quick!

Please let us know how you are going Andi00. I really hope you can post back

My Kind thoughts for you

Paul

[monkey_magic]

Hi Andi00,

Blondguy has put it well here. There are red flags, he's abused you emotionally and physically, is obsessive,controlling, and doesn't respect others. This is evident by the fact he was with someone and lied about it to you.

I would walk away and cease all contact sooner rather than later. I'd block his calls. Hopefully he doesn't know where u live but if he does I'd call police if he turned up and let them know that he had put his hands on you in the past. You already know this but men like him don't have your best interests at heart and aren't safe.

The domestic violence line are excellent to call. I'd call them and let them know of your situation for advice and support.

You will be doing yourself a world of good by cutting ties and leaving this man completely. U deserve better treatment. He will try to convince you otherwise but don't listen to him because he won't be telling you the truth. Are you able to tell others about what's been going on, friends, family, a professional?

Also know this is in no way your fault, he is in the wrong and he's to blame.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Andi00. It takes courage to recognise when something doesn't feel right and reach out for help, so thank you for sharing your story.

As some other community members have mentioned, the events you've described do sound like emotional and physical abuse. It is never ok for someone to grab you, or continually harrass you with messages and calls regardless of your relationship with this person.

I would encourage you to speak with a counsellor at 1800 RESPECT. They know a lot about relationship violence and can help you work out what to do next. The number is 1800 737 732 and you can also speak to someone online through their website here. 

If at any time you feel threatened or unsafe, it's really important that you call 000. Assault and harrassment is against the law, and the police can help and protect you. 

[Andi00]

Thank you all for your support and advice. I have ended the relationship and have ceased all contact with him. I really appreciate your posts and they definitely helped me end the relationship so again, thank you.

[blondguy]

Hi Andi00

Thankyou so much for posting back. The members and moderators only have your best interests at heart.

You are amazing Andi00 for having reached out and posted about the pain you have been going through

You are never alone here and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue forum family too

The forums are rock solid secure and your privacy is paramount

I am only one of many that can be here for you if you wish to post/vent in any way

My Kind thoughts for you......and what you have been through

Paul