Really not sure what to do....husband is a sex addict

[aussiemel]

I'm not 100% sure that I'm posting in the right spot but I thought that this post may offend some people, so I shouldn't be posting in the new members area.

To try to cut a very long story short: my husband of 20+ years is a sex addict. When we first moved in together, we had a regular sex life - but looking back on it, not normal. He was always "zoned out", I felt like he wasn't present when we had sex. He was there in person, but certainly not in mind. Within seconds of finishing, he was asleep. He always had his eyes closed, and tried to avoid any kissing, and there was no foreplay at all.

Fast forward a few months, he was pushing me away. He joined Whatsapp and I saw messages on his phone from women younger (after I looked them up on FB) than his daughter (from previous marriage). I told myself that I was stupid for looking at his phone, by the way these messages were coming up on the homescreen. I wasn't unlocking his phone as I didn't know his password.

I realised that something was really off, and I discovered that these messages were all from prostitutes. Some he was in "relationships" with. Buying them gifts, giving them money etc.

I might add that at this point in time, we didn't have a joint bank account. I was continually worried about paying bills and didn't know where all his money was going. He kept telling me that he had to help out his ex-wife or his daughter so I couldn't really question him any further.

I left him once but a couple of days later he got his mother to ring me and beg me to come back. He rationalised everything that had been going on, I now know that he was gas-lighting me.

It got to the point where I had to hire a P.I, I couldn't prove what was going on and I was extremely anxious all the time. I spent thousands having him followed but the PI couldn't catch him. Two days after I sacked the PI, I found proof. Of course, he denied and tried to say I was mad and crazy. I more or less forced him into therapy.

There was individual therapy for both of us, followed by couples therapy for almost two years. Then he cut it all off.

Two years after the therapy ended, I have caught him out again. Screwing prostitutes only several days after the covid restrictions have been somewhat reduced. I have told him to return to therapy or move out immediately. He is going back to see a therapist next week (first available appointment).

I'm running out of space to write but can tell more if anyone asks. I'm stuck ATM - financial reasons

[aussiemel]

Thank you Phoenix. what you say makes total sense to me.

In my heart, I know I'll feel a lot better in time if I leave. I know I have to leave or I'll never feel "normal" again.

I do need some time though in order to get myself together and work out a plan.

I made an appointment to see my GP tomorrow. She is seeing patients again, as long as you aren't "sick"! Maybe that will help.

[Jonathan03]

Hey aussiemel,

I’m sorry to hear you have to deal with all of this. You deserve better. I really hope things get better for you and I’m sure they will.
Calling the National Debt Helpline at 1800 007 007 and talking to one of their financial counsellors might help with your financial problems. You can find their website at “https://ndh.org.au/“.

Best of Luck Mate,

Johno.

[phoenixwaitingtorise]

How did things go with the GP? How are you feeling now?