PTSD - Where do I go now?

[Bella2311]

My husband suffers from PTSD & anxiety badly. He is from the Vietnam War era. We are both in our 60's. He is getting all the appropriate help etc. from Heidelberg Repatriation Hospital and VVCS at DVA, but is no better. Today has been hell. He will not talk, ignores me if I try to help and has locked himself in his computer room all today. This behavior happens regularly. If he does speak to me he tells me it is all my fault. I know it isn't my fault but it is wearing me down. I am his 4th marriage. I love him dearly, but he clearly needs something extra other than the meds. he's on at the moment. We have no relatives here in Victoria and I am from interstate. Any suggestions? Can anyone help?

[TBella]

Hi Bella & welcome

My dad was also a Vietnam Vet & suffered with PTSD so I totally understand what you're going through.

constantly feels like your walking on egg shells & you can't win not matter what you do to try to help!

I myself also have PTSD so know what it's like for both sides.

Medication & professional help is important & vital but I found with my dad, the best therapy for him was when he started traveling Australia attending reunions with fellow Vietnam Vets.

I know myself having PTSD it often feels like no one understands what it's like.

So I can understand why your husband might feel the same. No one can totally understand the hell they went through, like a fellow Vietnam Vet.

Perhaps that's something that would help your husband- I'm sure Veterans Affairs could help with info on the next reunion .

And you are right- it's not your fault- it's PTSD talking. But please make sure you look after yourself. Keep doing things for yourself that bring you enjoyment & fulfilment.

Its important that you look after your own mental health & wellbeing. Also to have your own support network, which I'm sure you can find here in this forum.

You're not alone,Im here to listen anytime, as are many other people on this site- who have similar experiences.

Kind Regards

TBella

[Bella2311]

Thanks TBella for your reply. I do look after my mental health. I see a psych of my own. I have only been in Vic 15yrs. but it is the lonelinss that I find hard to bear. I keep myself busy and I enjoy people's company, but I miss a kind word and an occasional hug. I sound like a doom and gloom person don't I, which I'm not. It doesn't let up here at home. My husband is pretty good at the put downs, controlling financially and won't buy food. I have to pay all my own expenses myself. He doesn't like anything to do with the military. I don't want to walk, we rent so don't own a home, as I would be out on the street. So I am trying to hold it together. There must be other women out there in a similar situation as myself. Thanks again for your reply.

[TBella]

Oh my heart goes out to you.

I don't think you're a doom & gloom person.

I understand, my dad did similar things with controlling the finances & put downs. It can feel like you're trapped at times.

I also get what you mean by personal contact & a hug. The need for affection. all my friends left me when they found out I had PTSD. It's been over 5 years since I even seen a friend or heard from them. So I really do get it your need for physical contact, connection & affection.

I hope you find the support you need here on this forum- it's not the same as physical contact but hopefully it will help you not to feel so alone.

Kind Regards

TBella

[Guest_9809]

Hi there Bella2311.

I just read your thread. I too am married to a vietnam vet, he was in the Navy, a JR. 20 year veteran. I understand what you are talking about. He too is diagnosed with PTSD, I know exactly what you are talking about. I am his second wife. We have a few things in common I see.

I have also personally been diagnosed with PTSD, related to something that occurred prior to my marriage to my VV husband.

I am sorry I dont have the time to respond appropriately now, but I wanted to quickly post so I didnt lose track of you. I will catch up with you again later or tomorrow. Whenever I can get back to you.

I may not be able to help, but I certainly understand and can relate. You are definitely on your own with the things you face.

Taurus xx

[Guest_9809]

Oh dear me, I guess I am in a bit of a mess tonight. So sorry Bella2311 for my typos above. There are several. I shouldnt try to rush should I?

I meant to say that you are NOT on your own with the challenges you face. (-:

Taurus xx

[Bella2311]

Hi Taurus4826, thank you for your reply to my post. I'm glad you can relate to my problems. I look forward to your next post. Don't worry about your typo errors. You should see what I have to correct before I send my posts. Lol. Take care of yourself, Bella2311

[Croix]

Dear Bella2311, with acknowledgments to Taurus4826 and TBella ~

This is my second attempt to reach out and say something to you. First time was a non-productive mess so I deleted it. As someone from that era (not a vet) I did come out the far side and did not stabilize at the level your husband is at, but at a far better place.

What can I say - I understand what you go through each day. Looking after yourself in every way is your only true path.

You are receiving the start of understanding and care - as you have already seen. Please don't hesitate to post as often as you'd like.

On a much more practical level and obviously I do not know the situation, you do. If it was me - I'm a bit overcautious perhaps - I might be hesitant to advertise the fact you are talking here.

Croix