PTSD , DEPRESSION AND ALCOHOLISM

[irish17]

hello. I'm new to this sharing. My partner was diagnosed with chronic PTSD and depression approx 15 years ago which resulted in medical discharge from police force. had many psychologist sessions and was going sort of ok for a couple of years but now hugely depends on alcohol

this drinking has escalated to daily from waking up till going to bed at night. its effecting our family terribly. I've tried many ways to try and help including rehab, promises, threats, closing my eyes, ignorance and so on and so on. I just dont know where to go from here.

he falls over, injures himself and our destroys our home, not on purpose though

he is such a kind and caring person but the depression and alcohol are destroying him

[geoff]

hello Irish, in hindsight, from my experiences I'm truly so sorry for you and your family because that's exactly how I was self medicating on alcohol.
At that time I was self employed and had 6 months work in front of me until crunch time when suddenly I had a breakdown and started drinking from as soon as I got out of bed until I flaked, but had to become a cupboard drinker, because everytime my 2 sons saw what I was drinking they would tip it all out, so I had many hiding spots so it didn't really matter.
My wife (ex) told me to stop over and over again, that's another reason why I hid it, but initially I was in denial and refused to get any help, based on the theory 'I would get better by myself, it was just a bad period I was going through', that was a misbelief I needed help and started to get it.
I tried many different psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists most were no good, and secondly they refused to counsel me when I was drinking, until I found one who I did see for 20 years (workcover claim).
I attempted suicide a long time ago, but haven't for 22 years, and now only drink socially, but my wife divorced me, we had to sell our home, one which had been gutted and renovated and always thought I would live there forever.
Now I live by myself with my puppie, the boys are in their late/middle 30's and I still talk with my ex and when we do it's like nothing has happened, but we can't live together again.
I thought it was best to tell you about myself first, so you can come back and talk about your situation. Geoff.

[irish17]

Hi Geoff

thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear your story but happy you have got yourself sorted. Yes my partner is now a closet drinker with many hiding spots throughout the house. He gets annoyed when I go looking for the spots. He is such a kind and loving person but the alcohol changes him. Can you give me any clues on best way to support him. It would be great if he could just be a social drinker. The situation has put a large distance between him and our son. very sad. This is the first time I have posted and I must say that up until putting my situation into words I thought I was strong and was handling it. But after yesterday all the walls came down and I actually shed a few tears. I lost my 43 year old sister 2 years ago to cissoris of the liver due to alcohol and can see he is heading down the same path. thanks for taking the time to reply

[Mathy]

Hi Irish17 and welcome,

I live with PTSD, but everone’s Journey is different. I wanted to add my support to you, and the excellent post that Geoff wrote.

Your partner was a policeman? So, is there no available support for him through the police department or the union? Have you any knowledge of what kind of psycho therapy he undertook when it was available? Did his PTSD occur due to a general overload of trauma, or was there a specific incident that tipped him into PTSD? Some clues can be helpful.

I’m sure you know that his drinking is about self medicating, meaning that he is in mental distress.

I think the best advice I could offer you, is to see if there are any support groups or not for profits running some programmes for first responders suffering from PTSD. I think that the quickest way to find some information about any programmes would be to ring the Police Union in your state and tell them about your situation - if there are support groups/programmes available, they should know about them. Shouldn’t matter that he is no longer a Policeman, he was medically discharged so should qualify for what’s on offer.

As far as his drinking is concerned, I think the worst thing to do is make it a situation where he is hiding alcohol, because that increases the shame value. You could perhaps try getting him to agree not to drink before a certain time of day - meaning that you both negotiate this. I’m kind of looking at this as a stop gap measure until he can get some help. I’ve no experience, but I have read/seen that this method can work.

That’s about the best I can think of, I hope it is of some use to you Irish, it would be great if you could let us know how things are going for you, all the best, cheers M 🙂

[geoff]

hello Irish, thanks for replying back, and yes if he has been discharged from the police force then as Mathy has said then he should be getting some form of help, unless he took it to the 'fair workers commission' for unfair dismissal.
It's so very difficult to help someone with an addiction and believe me I do understand even though I was the one causing all the problems, hindsight is a wonderful word, but I suffered the consequences which I never wanted to happen, now it's too late, but at least we still talk as if nothing had happened, those slight funny remarks we say to eachother are always the same.
When the alcohol I had been hiding was found, it was turned into a joke when my sons told their friends, but this did annoy me and there was no way I was going to stop, but not once did I get violent.
There could be many different hiding places and done in secretive ways, however if you do find it don't make a fuzz about it, just do what you want with it.
I must say that once the divorce went through and the house sold I had to rent somewhere to live, that wasn't easy and I was saddened by the fact that this had to be done, but my depression began to lift and so did my drinking.
I'm not suggesting in any way that my wife was causing all of this because my breakdown happened when everything was good at home, but I was in denial and precipitated all of this and wouldn't listen to anyone, thinking that the grog was my only salvation.
Are you able to contact anyone from the force who can get you into contact with any psychologist from there, if so then talk with them so that they can come out to meet with your husband.
I would also contact ReachOut as they will come to your house, plus they wear casual clothes which maybe more convenient when your husband sees them, I'm almost out of words to fit in, but you must go and see your doctor as soon as you can.Please get back to me. Geoff.

[Doolhof]

Hi Irish,

Welcome to the community here. I see that Geoff and Mathy have responded to you. In my early years, and I am talking during my high school years, I was drinking every day to get through school and life. I developed a couple of stomach ulcers so that stopped me drinking. Now I have a social drink now and then.

Unfortunately there isn't a formula or answer that will help everyone the same. As Geoff and Mathy have mentioned, phone around and see what is available for your husband.

I'd also like to suggest that you try and find some help and support for yourself. Go and chat with your Dr. share more of how you are feeling here if you are comfortable to do so. Not sure if there is an AA group in your area who might be able to give you support and advice.

People who are caring for others also need to feel supported. Do you have hobbies or interests you could attempt to help to make your days a little brighter?

Apart from what the guys have already suggested, I'm not really sure what else to offer. Hope you manage to find help and support for yourself as well as your husband.

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools