PTSD anxiety and depression are devastating enough to live with

[Moonbeamer]

Every day is a struggle to stay healthy and, to be frank, keep going.

The worst thing about PTSD anxiety and depression is the stigma.

I live in a rural area (New England region) and several times in the last 12 years I have been admitted - or admitted myself - to hospital out of immediate fear of my safety. My last 3 encounters with the local mental health department have seen outrageously disrespectful, rude and downright abusive treatment from certain people 'in charge'. In some cases these 'professionals' have failed me by simply not doing their job... making things impossibly hard for me. When I was hospitalised a few years ago as a result of domestic violence - not a single person asked me about domestic violence. I was not even permitted to talk to the police about it from hospital. After release from hospital, the police asked me why I hadn't contacted them earlier! Almost 4 years later and I cannot go out in my local town for fear of the bloke who got away with it.

Another time, they would not let me make a phone call to get a friend to check on my dog. I was desperately distressed... worrying about my dog and being treated like a criminal with one phone call made everything far worse. When I tried to leave so I could make a call from a public phone ( I was there voluntarily), they refused to give me any of my property or my car keys.

I am a very quiet, reserved softly-spoken person. I am well educated and articulate. I am polite to a fault. I have never assaulted anyone. Never been in trouble with the law. My main problems with PTSD anxiety and chronic depression are the result of me being the VICTIM of violence/abuse. However,in every interaction with hospital-based mental health in the Armidale/Tamworth area I have been treated like dangerous criminal scum! It has been made clear to me, by the implication of so-called professionals' failures to bother to do their job, that the violence I experienced MUST have been ALL MY FAULT... I MUST have done SOMETHING to deserve the abuse.

Consistently, I have been made to feel unwelcome and worthlessly undeserving of assistance. Breaks my heart. Makes the feelings of isolation, constant fear and worthlessness worse.

I no longer see the local mental health service or local hospital as viable or safe options for dealing with crises when they occur. There is literally nowhere else to go, but I desperately need help...

Stigma kills and I'm feeling there is no hope either for me or for change.

Lost.

[Croix]

Dear Moonbeamer~

I'm sorry for your predicament, the illness is bad enough by itself without a hostile and unfeeling medical system. I have a similar diagnosis, though my cause was occupation-related, so can understand part of what you have been going through.

My dealings with the medical profession, with a couple of exceptions, have been supportive and very helpful - I would not be here or at the level of recovery I am without them. I mention this so you can realize there is help, even if not in your area.

One thing I've found to be real gold is a sympathetic GP. Preferably one with visiting rights in the local hospital (I live in a rural area). Someone as a first point of contact and who will keep an eye on things. Is there anyone in your area like that?

While we are talking about support may I ask if you have anyone, family or friend, to help you, talk with you and care? My family made a huge difference to me.

I suppose it is logical to ask if there is any possibility of moving to a new area? Between the presence of that bloke and the reactions of the health system I wonder if that is an option.

Unfortunately by the very nature of the illness we take on misfortune as somehow our own fault, and that a better deal is reserved for those more worthy or capable. Even knowing intellectually that is wrong does not always seem to help.

This place in non-judgmental - how could it not be as here are people in all situations - and full of people with experience who do care. There are many familiar with PTSD, depression and anxiety, and people that have experienced domestic violence too.

I'd hope in time you feel welcome here and comfortable enough to talk more

Croix