PTSD and anxiety getting worse as I get older

[borders]

Hi there,

I am new to this type of forum. I am in my mid 50s and have a PTSD, depression and anxiety. I guess in some ways I am high functioning but everyone I work with and those who 'know me' call me too sensitive. My childhood was full of domestic violence and physical and emotional abuse towards me and my siblings by my father. He was an incredibly violent alcoholic. For years I thought my upbringing was normal. Also, for years, therapists tried to tell me it wasn't. Over the past 5 years my anxiety has increased a hundred fold. I was being bullied in two different workplaces and my PTSD is currently being triggered by a charge being brought against a close friend. A nephew took his own life 4 years ago and a niece has been in and out of hospital with drug induced psychosis. I am really upset for my friend as I know they would never do what they are accused of. My case was a little different. I managed my traumatic upbringing by becoming a party girl and I did something stupid when drunk. I no longer drink and haven't for quite a while but this has followed me around all these years as it has impacted my employment. When I tell people they just laugh but to me it wasn't funny. Now my friend is being accused of something terrible and I know exactly how he would be feeling. He has also now expressed that he doesn't want to live anymore. I really feel for him but there is nothing I can do to help except listen. My GP recently put me on anti-depressants and I was referred to a psychologist but they never rang. (where I live you have to wait for their call). I am isolated as working from home and my partner works away. I seem t have constant flashbacks of all of the stupid things I did in my 20s and I feel like I have wasted my life. I have constant anxiety and I don't want to return to work (where I was bullied) when the restrictions lift but we need the money and I need the job. I feel like a failure even though form the outside people think my life looks great. All of this triggered by the issue my friend is going through. I can't talk to my partner as he can't cope with when I am not 'coping'. I just don't know what to do. I am exercising, eating healthily, trying to focus on other things but I am consumed by fear for my friend. If anyone reads this I am sorry that it is all over the place.

[Sophie_M]

Hi borders,

Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you have shown your strength in sharing your story and reaching out here. We know that this is not an easy thing to do, but it is so important that you have done so here today.
We're so sorry to hear of incredibly difficult childhood that you've had, and the issues that you've been facing lately after a charge being brought against a close friend. It sounds like you've taken some great steps in trying to help yourself, including reaching out to your GP, and focusing on eating well and exercising, and we are so sorry that you're still feeling consumed by fear. But please know that this is a safe and supportive place to discuss your thoughts and feelings, and our community is here to offer you as much advice and conversation as you need. We also just want to let you know that we are currently getting in touch with you via email.
We hope that you keep checking back in with us here to let us know how you're doing whenever you feel up to it.

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our BB forum Border;

Firstly I want you to know your writing style and the way you express yourself is absolutely spot on. I'm very sorry life's like this atm. I totally empathise and get where you're coming from too...it can be soul crushing. So with this in mind, you've come to right place hun..

My specialties lay with Complex PTSD and workplace issues, both from experiential and recovery perspectives. I hope I can help you support your friend, and you deal with these triggers.

(**Calling the Mental Health Hotline in your state might be helpful; disclosures of self harm/suicidal ideations by friends need to be taken seriously, so talking with a professional consultant might give you ideas on how to approach your friend's helplessness)

There's a thread in the Trauma and PTSD section called; 'Complex PTSD: what is it and how do we cope?' Here's the link...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/complex-ptsd---what-is-it-and-ho...

I created this thread due to confusion over the differences between PTSD and CPTSD. I think you might get something valuable from posts.

I'm going to stick with you ok. I'll call in each day to see how you're going and give you someone to ask questions of and bounce things off. I believe in you and can help you cope if you can trust me. I know, big words right?

Take a slow deep breath, let your shoulders drop as you breath out then take another breath. You're safe here...

I'm here...

Kind thoughts;

Sez (Hug)

[Just Sara]

Just an addit to my post:

I'm not sure if the link will take you to the first or last page as I have mine set to bring up recent posts on page 1. So if you're taken to the last page, just click on the page that shows post one, the introduction.

Sorry for any inconvenience...Sez

[borders]

Thanks, Sez.