PTSD alone and I have No life

Halecia

Hey

it’s been a while since I posted on here. I’m extremely distressed and I’m moving house too in the next week. 🙂

Everytime I have a clear heart and mind I call my mother. Or people who I reach out too who i usually block. It’s like my body heart and mind wants closure so I reach out but these people are narcissistic. Having put me in that moment of distress in the first place.

my Mother looks at conversations towards her as a competition. Instead of LISTENING To the words I’m expressing and conveying to her she listens to what she can get out of it and how it affects her. She thinks she’s being attacked so she has her guard up all the time. I could be expressing how much I loved my Country coastal trip and how I was abit worried about my cars Gears, but I had a good trip away, AND SHE’LL FOCUS ON MY NEGATIVE EVENTS. Which is NOT WHAT I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT.

im 38 I’ve gone through a few domestic violence incidents one which was very traumatically VIOLENT. Then the other phycological more after he went to the remand centre.

writing to people is hard when SO MANY NASTY NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE Have tried to make me react and say things to take from me. What I generally mean by that is that growing up in a single parent house hold even though my dad wanted to be with my mum. I Would always be told to do things I didn’t want to do my Other sister ran off one day when she was 14. And she didn’t come back. She hasn’t spoken to my mother since.
shes 39.
if I mistaked something I would get punished usually hit.

im stressed right now due to strangers like plumbing technicians coming around to my place of rental to fix a plumbing Issue only to forcefully demanding and Outrageous. This happened yesterday. I’m moving out of this property. But it was disgusting. only word I can think of is Apporant. Behaviour.

It’s time to go away. It’s time to focus on my own self and thoughts. It’s difficult when I’ve got horrible things my mother has said in the back of my mind. She needs to go away and let me be happy.
I’ve always dreamt she’ll go away to live somewhere and let me us be happy.

my sister has moved to Canada. She did when she was 28.

I had a strong bond with my other little sister but she hasn’t spoken to me since me and my ex finished (she’s 27)

I have another sibling who likes to control me. She’s 44. She my halfsister.

my mother deposits small amounts into my bank account without me asking. So now I’ve had to block her recipient.

I hope things do work for me

Sophie_M

Hi Halecia,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’ve been through a great deal of pain and upheaval, both in your family relationships and in the difficult experiences you’ve faced over the years. Moving house and managing all these memories and emotions at once must feel incredibly overwhelming. Wanting space to focus on yourself sounds like a really healthy instinct, you deserve peace and time to heal on your own terms.

You mentioned past experiences of domestic violence, and it’s completely understandable that those memories still affect you. If you’d like some specialist support, you could reach out to 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732) - they’re available 24/7 and can provide counselling and advice for people who have experienced trauma or abuse. You can also connect with Blue Knot Helpline (1300 657 380), who support people affected by complex trauma and family difficulties.

And if at any point you start feeling too overwhelmed or unsafe, please don’t hesitate to call Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or Lifeline (13 11 14) for immediate support.

You’re showing real courage by putting words to such painful experiences and taking steps to protect your wellbeing. This community is here to listen and walk beside you as you work towards feeling safer and more in control.

Take gentle care,
Sophie M

Halecia

Thankyou.

Halecia

Thankyou Again.
I was just experiencing bad behaviour from people followed with a rather bad day

I hope things work out for Me.

Halecia

Just giving you a clear ..update. I’m not experiencing domestic Violence now I did 13 years ago. I’m just trying to reiterate that I find it hard to tell new people and discuss my feelings when I’m too busy dealing with the trauma stress and emotions everyday. Also

having people around me telling me it’s selfish to. isn’t right. I’m trying to distance myself from these people. But then it gets lonely.

Eagle Ray

Dear Halecia,

It sounds like you are trying to establish a boundary with your mother, such as blocking her depositing the money in your account. Her behaviour sounds a bit like vulnerable narcissism, where the person does things you don't ask for, and then makes you feel like you owe them as a consequence. I can hear how difficult it is to deal with your mother and I can understand it would be very upsetting. Having a controlling sister would be very challenging too.

It really sounds like it would be great to connect with some new people who are on the same page as you and see you for you, not you in relation to what they can get from you. I relate to your post, because I was raised by my mother to be held responsible for her needs from a young age and I felt unseen in terms of my own needs, which I learned to not value. I had similar experiences to you where if I told my mum about something positive that I enjoyed such as a trip I'd been on, she would turn it into something miserable. It was like she had to bring down any expression of joy or happiness in me. Her mother did the same to her.

I know moving house can be a stressful time so that may be adding more stress at the moment too. I don't know if you are moving to a new area you haven't lived in before, but perhaps there are some groups you can join just to connect with different people. Just being immersed in different environments, perhaps trying creative activities, something like a book club or other interest, and just being with others in a non-demanding environment, can be quite healing. It seems like you need to build a new life just for you, but I do understand the pain and loneliness when it feels like family are not there for you.

It's definitely not selfish to create your own life the way you would like to. Take care and sending you support and warm wishes,

Eagle Ray