PTSD after operation

[RebekahJayne]

Hi,

new to the group:)

I was diagnosed with PTSD last year in August, I thought I could get better on my own then getting a referral , so I took up colouring in, it soon ended.

in 2015 I had an operation to remove gallstones, operation had an error. I was sent home ill. Went to the A/E several times they ran tests and I had an abscess on my left side of my tummy and was in ICU for 9 days. The doctors say it was caused by a 'leak' I had a colostomy bag they leaked and burned my skin. I was angry at my parents, at my husband, angry at the world but I thought I had the right to feel this way. Feb 7 my daughter started Prep 1, I missed seeing that day, my son started walking I missed that, my son started talking I missed that. 4 months in hospital and after all said and done I still feel robbed. Had to learn to write again. Walk again. Remembered not a lot. The doctors had in my mind I was a bad mother and that I died. My husband later told me that I wasn't expected to live. Last feb my colostomy bag was removed! Feb 4 my daughter started grade 1 I missed it. My kids have swimming, I love the water I love chlorine I love the pool, I was so jealous of my husband that he was in the pool and I wasn't. So I'd cry then wait until we left the pool so I could leacture him that he had what I wanted. I grew up being a swimmer, and when the colostomy bag was removed I was straight to the pool. At the pool I'm relaxed, when my son has lessons I'm in that group. I'm able to swim laps I love it. I see a psychiatrist but haven't seen him for 3 weeks because I couldn't get an appointment until March.

my friends that I had deserted me when I became very ill, although things picked up, none want to be my friend.

i just want my life back. My husband says I'm a different person and some days he doesn't know me. One minute I'm crying the next I'm laughing.

my daughter started grade 2 feb 9, I took her, it felt so great being there for her special day and to know she's in a supportive school who helped in 2015.

[blondguy]

Hello RebekahJayne

Welcome to the forums and good on you for posting considering what you have been through ...

I have read your post several times and I really feel for you not to mention the physical and resulting anguish you have had to go through...I have had severe anxiety which has morphed into depression but I cant even begin to fathom what you have gone through

From what you have posted....your husband one time said you dont have long to live and now he says you are a different person! I would be a different person too Rebekah!

You have been through some very serious trauma both physically and emotionally. I really hope that your husband believes that in his heart.

You are an intelligent and self aware person who has done so well where recovery is concerned.

Excellent news about your daughter starting grade 2 this month 🙂 You would have been rapt to be there!

Friends have a habit of disappearing when we have hard times. Mine vaporized as well when I started getting the severe anxiety attacks. It is very sad but we sure do find out who really cares when we are really sick.

Regarding your psych.....If you need quicker assistance there are social workers available through your local council/shire. Your GP can also refer you to see a mental health care professional through a public hospital with a psychiatric unit. ( I saw a psychiatric nurse for ages once a week as I needed to...he was a legend)

Your life will come back. Your health is paramount. All other considerations are secondary to your well being

you are not alone here RebekahJayne

my kind thoughts for you 🙂

Paul

[Elizabeth CP]

You have certainly had a very difficult time so it is 'normal'to react the way you have. unfortunately your husband has been also caught in the crossfire. I assume he is a good supportive person but is struggling to deal with the situation. I am a carer for my husband who has a degenerative condition. At one point he developed çomplex regional pain syndrome'which led to a long hospital stay & high drug doses to cope with the pain. He was very angry & not thinking straight so very difficult to live with. I had to constantly remind myself it was the meds or the illness talking not the real person. I also have PTSD from a trauma experienced as a child. This has led to difficulties when I would óverreact to triggers & at times my husband would make choices he thought were OK but actually made things worse for me.

I realise my situation is different to yours but I have some understanding of both your & your husbands point of view. Your husband is probably very concerned and has no idea what to do to help you. Definitely see your psychiatrist & be really honest re what is happening. You need support & guidance to improve. It might be worth seeing a psychologist as well who can work from a different angle. One thing I found really helped was arranging for my husband to attend a session with my psychologist. Prior to this I had discussed what I wanted to acheive & I believed the psych understood my situation. He spoke to my husband on his own (based on what I said were the issues) & then brought me into the room. This has made a huge difference because we are on the same page. We also learnt some strategies for me to warn my husband when I was about to explode so he could back off and not take my ranting personally but understood it was me venting not attacking him. This gave us a circuit breaker & stopped it escalating to an argument.

[RebekahJayne]

Hi Elizabeth,

I was seeing a psychritrist but I no longer do. We couldn't get along, I'm one for personalities but she was 'boring', my husband wouldn't attend a session with me, he changed work hours to avoid me and my moods. I can't locate any support groups were I live.

My GP has put my medication now.

You have seemed to have had a very difficult time as well. It's great when married people can have an outcome and be friends. Hopefully one day Matt and I'll be happily married again...

[RebekahJayne]

Hi Paul,

I loved seeing my daughters first day of grade 2, we're BFF now, and she allows to to pick her up from school. Yay! Let's me go swimming with her. Double yay.

My daughter is at a private school and the Priest knew something was wrong from my moods so he asked me but I didn't tell him, but deep down I did want to tell him, you walk off and think "I should've told him" or I walk into the yard like I'm in a different world and asked whether I'm ok. I didn't realised that my PTSD had become noticeable.

My so-called friends walk past and ignore me, it would be nice if one walked up to me ask how I am or to just give me a hug. My husband never asks how I am or gives me a hug, that all changed in 2015.

I'm considering joining a female gym in the City I need to do something for myself as I'm not at work yet.

I've never met anyone else with PTSD (in person) I'd love to though. I'm remembering too much now. I look at my kids and I'm glad they still have me and I still have them.

I still think I'm allowed to be angry, it's not how I was raised but when the hospital calls you to ask how your moods have been it's not right when they caused it. With her telling me the surgeon I had is a lovely gentleman it's ok for her to say that because she wasn't in my position. It's ok for her to say he saved my life, he also stuffed my life up, he didn't save my life, he's a surgeon who admitted he made the error.

My scar is now healed on my tummy but in my head it hasn't.

(I too read my post several times before posting it)

Thank you for your reply.

😀