Physical Intimidation and Breaking Household Possessions: Struggling to recognise violence?

[Bloom39]

It's been a while since my last forum post about in the depression section but I can't seem to avoid drama in my life. I'm beginning to think it's a 'me' problem. I'm supposed to be cramming for my assignment but this topic weighs heavily on my mind. 

I have a sibling called S. I got into an argument over unintentionally provoking their dog in order to stop my dog from being chased and attacked. I know that S's dog is overly reactive to loud noises but adrenaline fully kicked in when I saw it mouth my dog on the neck and yelled because my dog has been attacked UNPROVOKED multiple times by this dog. Anyways, S yelled over me for shouting at the dog when I was trying to explain, then proceeded to walk towards me in an aggressive manner and shout pretty much in my face. I honestly thought that I would gonna get hit. 

After that I talked it out with S and apologised for my outburst; honestly told them what I thought about their dog not being muzzled trained even at home, being over-stimulated around guests and having a history of attacking my own dog and family members and they were calm at that point. 

Anyways, doesn't sound too violent right now so I'll mention what scares me. S has gotten mad in arguments before, to the point of breaking things. Things that don't belong to them. In fact, even my bedroom door is screwed - I'll leave that up to imagination. So, when S walked towards me, I honestly thought I was next to break. I know that I messed up massively with their dog, but at what point is walking up to someone to shout crossing the line when I can hear them perfectly from across the room?

That being said, I am extremely tempted to call the police the next time they react like this over anything, even stress. I understand being crazy angry but I struggle to understand making someone feel unsafe even if they're reacting inappropriately towards your dog. Anyways, I know I'm a bum, but I feel like an unsafe bum?

P.S. They also said that I was not acting my age after they slammed a chair down (the same type they broke previously) and walked into what I think is my personal space in retrospect . That seemed pretty hypocritical...unless I'm a real bumbum. Also I don't really think of them as a sibling after they called me retarded (I draw the line at that point) so I think there is some internal conflict about whether I care about getting authorities involved. 

Thanks for your time and please enlighten me with wisdom so I can act my age. 

Best wishes 🙂

[Croix]

Dear Bloom39~

Welcome back to the Forum, I hope the time since you were last here has been good to you.

Frankly I think you are completely on the wrong track by thinking you are some sort of bumbum and also not acting you age. As far as I can see you acted correctly. Dogs do need human protection at times, and you were giving it to your dog, based on what was happening and what had happened in the past - you were spot-on doing what you did.

S sounds a real unpleasant character - nobody should be called a retard and nobody should be frightened by another's conduct. If he flies into rages, accuses you unjustly and insults you that is bad enough, smashing furniture is way beyond acceptable behaviour.

Similarly if he own a dog that attacks others he is responsible for its actions and at the very least should muzzle it and keep it always under control.

Is there anyone around when he or his dog is around to protect you? If not and I was in your situation and genuinely frightened for my safety I'd first off threaten to call the police, and if htat did not quieten S down then I would actually do so.

Incidentally I noticed last time you were taling about highly sensitive people, a friend of mine, Mary White-Rose wrote about a book on this subject. As one myself I found it very useful indeed, and explained hte reasons I felt as I did and also the advantages of sensitivity.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/helpful-books-and-resources/m-p/206993/highlight/tr...

Hope this helps, I got my copy from my state library.

Croix

[Bloom39]

Hi Croix, 

Thanks a lot of responding. The time since I was last here has not been terrible since I've been working with a psychologist for my many issues. 

Additionally, I want to thank you for being frank. I find emotions to be extremely confusing and I often read into them a lot. I find that more often than not, I unintentionally gaslight myself into thinking I'm in the wrong whenever people get upset at how I act. Though I work to change if a discussion does arise (especially with my partner).

Regarding S being an unpleasant person. I definitely do agree. S is the type of person to only be pleasant when things go their way and once that doesn't happen they get visibly agitated and talk roughly. Perhaps childhood abuse played a part in their behaviour but I would like to think that once they're a fully-fledged adult, that reasoning doesn't give them a free pass on their actions.  

Adding on to this, S never apologised for shouting at me. All they said was "I guess I lost my temper a bit". I don't accept that half-hearted reasoning at all and I've been avoiding them lately. I think I no longer want to be associated with someone who breaks things because they can't control their temper from being stressed, blood-related or not. 

To answer you question "Is there anyone around when he or his dog is around to protect you?". Funnily enough, my mum was right behind me when the outburst happened. But my mum is so used to S's temper that she just accepted it. The last time S blew up at mum, she discounted it as a mere misunderstanding. Though I think it was something more serious. I definitely will do what u suggested with threatening to call the police in the future. 

Thank you for suggesting the book about highly sensitive people. I am very open to getting my hands on one.

Bloom