One angel and struggles with IVF

Mama2Zman · ‎03-09-2017

I'm only 34 but just over a year ago found out my time was running out to have a family. I've got fertility issues but am yet to meet 'the one' so after talking with an IVF specialist I started on a journey of IVF using donor sperm. I began my first cycle in October last year thinking with my issues it may take a couple of tries. But surprised even the specialist when I fell pregnant! First trimester went by smoothly, not even morning sickness. At 14.4weeks I became sick one day. 2 days later I started getting pains. Rushed to hospital in time for my water to break and 2 hours after that I delivered my little boy in the ER. Left the hospital after 4 hours with nothing, no info no phone numbers nothing. Never even heard from a social worker. I had to call the hospital to ask about my sons body. It was only then did I talk to a social worker to get permission to release the body to funeral home.

2 weeks later I had a mass start to come out and get stuck. Was rushed to hospital, my anxiety was at its peak and nothing was given to me even though I told them I have anxiety. Found out the mass was a very infected placenta stuck in my cervix and I needed emergency surgery. Was also told the infection may have wrecked my uterus. I was a mess. Two traumas in 2 weeks at a hospital that didn't have proper procedures in place. Ended up on a drip after surgery for 2 days in a room with old men even though I'm a private patient. More trauma for me. Didn't sleep. Asked my something for my anxiety was refused. Asked for a social worker none came. I was still grieving for my lost son and then because of the incompetence of the hospital not doing an ultrasound I had a second trauma.

Since all this I've had to go back 3 more cycles of IVF, all failed. No idea if the infection has made my fertility worse. I feel like a failure. I lost my son because as it turns out I have a blood clotting condition. So it's my body that killed him. I don't know why I'm saying all this in here. Maybe I just needed to get it all out. I wonder if I'm good enough to be a Mum. I'm failing as a woman. I'm so tired of being strong but I don't want to give up on this. Wish there was a support group locally I could go to.

Quercus · ‎03-09-2017

Hi Mama2Zman and welcome to the forums.

I am so sorry and angry on your behalf. Sorry that our hospital system failed you at every possible point. Sorry for the loss of your baby. It's probably the most useless thing to say to you but I wanted you to know someone had read your post and was worried about you.

First of all have you had a look at www.sands.org.au and contacted them? They will have information on supports in your area. Also of you haven't already done so please make a long appointment with your GP to discuss your mental health. It is revolting that you were not offerred any form of counselling at hospital but I've found this is unfortunately common.

Secondly, it is not your fault. I'm not going to say it is wrong to feel that way because everyone I know who has lost their baby has felt the same way. You have no control of your body's clotting ability and it's not your fault but that doesn't change the fact that you are devastated and hurting. Please reach out for help from a medical professional (and please talk here if you feel able).

My friend also lost her baby and had a similar horrific experience. The hospital lost her baby's body. She wasn't given an ultrasound either and ended up with an infection. I will ask you the same thing I asked her... Have you detailed your experience so that you can make a formal complaint when you feel able? This is not good enough. No one deserves to be treated this way. It will not change if people don't speak out and demand better. On a positive note she has a healthy 3 month old now. So please don't lose hope.

I hope others who know what you are going through feel able to respond soon. In the meantime please know we are here for you and care. Please take care of yourself.

Nat

Quercus · ‎19-09-2017

Hi Mama2Zman,

Just checking to see how you are holding up? I'm sorry there haven't been more responses sometimes people just find a thread difficult to respond to or don't know what to say. It doesn't mean we don't care about you.

Did you speak to any of the helplines (sands or any of the numbers listed on the BB website?). Or see your doctor? It is really important that you do. Grief and regret are absolutely normal feelings and I am worried for you.

If or when you feel able to I would love to hear from you. Please take care of yourself.

Nat

kanga_brumby · ‎19-09-2017

Welcome Mama your not failed you gave it the best shot possible. You were going to the hospital. You even went when there seemed to be a smallish problem. Which turned out to be gigantic. You lost your baby there was a complete stuff up by the hospital. I would take that to the ondbansman at least. Or today tonight if your up to it. But thats me Sorry to hear of your loss.

Kanga