Not sure if I have PTSD

[Alaska_young]

Hi all,

I'm not sure where to start.. I have struggled a lot in the last few years and when I think I'm 'getting better' I seem to get worse. At the moment I feel so low, alone and unable to cope. Everything is an effort and when I do get a moment to myself I sit in bed and cry.

As a child my father was verbally abusive to us kids and physically abusive to my mother, I have learned never to speak back to anyone and have often been taken advantage of throughout my life. I have always been withdrawn socially and unable to make friends or maintain meangingful relationships with others. I have always isolated myself and moved interstate many times as a coping mechanism to feeling alone which has made me feel more alone. My family lives on the other side of the country and I never hear from any of them except my mother who I have an unstable relationship with. I have no support system.

My first job out of university I was 'forced' to do things that gave me extreme anxiety and I did not feel comfortable with because thats the way it was there and there was no one else to do them (in healthcare). I ended up leaving due to sheer stress and moving on to my second job where I also resigned at breaking point due to extreme workplace bullying and harassment.

I have used drugs to cope with my feelings of sadness (especially since the bullying incident) and now find it hard to not 'numb my feelings' by using.

This year I was in a serious car accident and more recently I was in a relationship/a carer for a partner with BPD.

I am at a point where I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything feels too hard I just need to rest for a while. Any advice is much appreciated, Thank you

[white knight]

Hi AY, welcome

I really understand where you are at. We cant diagnose as we are sufferers ourselves but I have several ideas to help.

We sometimes seek a worse relief in drugs and alcohol to numb the effects. However if we identify the reasons for our condition and we decide to stop the alcohol, we have two strong reasons to move forward.

Mental illness can originate from our childhood environment. I found for example that most of my problems stem from being a child of a BPD mother. I googled "children of BPD mothers"..what a revelation. It all made sense why I have anxiety, why narcissism had such an effect on me.

Therapy is crutial. It really helps when the source can be identified. Add to that medication if prescribed and relaxation techniques and after a few months thing will turn around. Positive motivation lectures helped me to.

Here are some threads relating to your state of mind. Read the first post if each thread that Ive written. Take out if it what you can for your situation.

Use google. Good luck

Topic: BPD mother made me an emotional basket case- beyondblue

Topic: emotional blackmail- likely extreme BPD- beyondblue

Topic: bullying- beyondblue

Topic: so what are their mental illnesses?- beyondblue

Topic: words are sticks and stones- beyondblue

Topic: defending yourself, dont be an easy target- beyondblue

Topic: what life can be like at the end of the tunnel- beyondblue

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Post anytime.

Tony WK

[Alaska_young]

Thank you so much for taking time to respond to me, it is much appreciated. I will have a look at all of those as soon as I can.

Thank you Tony