Not coping anymore

[NeedingSupport]

Hi.

I have no idea even where to start. Three years ago i left domestic violence. 3 Months after i was diagnosed with PTSD & depression. I also have an eating disorder which i have struggled with for years now. Ever since i left my ex partner it has been nothing still but severe stress.

I have a four year old little girl. I have started to isolate myself more and more & shut people out. I don't think i have ever coped with motherhood either & the reality of being a single parent has really hit me hard lately. I am exhausted. Financial stress is wearing me down and the damage is leaving me feeling emotionally & mentally all over the place. I feel like i keep going backwards with everything. On a random good day it has been a good day but then it is back to the same hell in my head most days.

I have no self esteem or confidence left. I don't enjoy the things i used to and genuinely don't enjoy life anymore. I hate most people and i hate myself so much for the choices i made.

My daughter is the reason why i choose to keep going but every day is hell.

I have had my daughter mostly full time within the last four years.

I don't feel like anyone at all understands. I don't look after myself at all anymore nor do i even have the energy to be bothered.

Most days i just want to run away or scream my head off.

Does anyone else feel like they have lost themselves entirely and have no idea how to bounce back.

I am seriously losing my shit more and more every day.....

I keep reliving it in my mind all the time and remembering everything he did and said.

I feel more anger than anything lately

[Quercus]

Hi NeedingSupport and welcome.

You sound utterly exhausted.

You're right to be angry. Living in an abusive relationship takes a very long time to work through. Some days I panic and don't even see my husband as himself. Mentally I am back elsewhere expecting my ex's reaction. My point... Any kind of abusive treatment leaves scars.

And they seem to show the most when we are exhausted. Single parent. Financial stress. Eating disorder. The stresses pile up. And we fall apart.

What options are available for you for help and support? Hopefully you're seeing a medical professional for ongoing support? If not or you haven't seen them recently please make the time to ask for help. You do sound so very overwhelmed.

Is there a women's health care place locally? It is well worth looking into. They usually have contacts for low cost counselling and group therapy. As well as other helpful activities like art therapy and exercise. Like you if I am left alone to motivate myself it won't happen. But if I sign up for a class or book my kids into the creche it forces me out of the house.

The biggest change for me that helped was starting psychotherapy with a psychiatrist. I had never spoken about the abuse. Or my self hate and feeling pathetic and worthless. We have slowly worked towards getting to the root of why I hate myself. And it has helped a lot especially to let go of the explosive anger I felt towards him.

I hope you keep talking. This is a safe place. And on this thread you can talk through whatever you feel the need to. Sometimes it helps to get the poison out.

Please reach out for help offline too.

❤ Nat

[Mathy]

Hi NeedingSupport and welcome,

Quercus (Nat) has written you an excellent reply. I would only add that you see if there are any local Domestic Violence services near by. They also have excellent resources for women who are living with the consequences of a violent relationship.

My heart goes out to you, I hope you are safe and come back to talk with us, bestest, cheers M 🙂

[Bethie]

Hi

Leaving a abusive relationship is never easy and the scars will take time to heal. I did alot of theropy with mine to get even close to normal. I understand how you feel about your daughter. When my son was born the first words i said was get it away from. I felt no maternal instinct at all but alot of doctors and therapists helped me and told me its ok to not like your child somedays.

The financal stress would not be helping. Where i live our local community centre has a food co op for low income earners on people on benifits. For $20 its easy to get 6 or 7 bags full of groceries. With being on a benifits my family uses it weekly and it feels great to have a full fridge and panty again.

There is alot of help available. If you have 1 stop into your local community centre. Most can also help with paying utility bills ever 6 months

Please keep posting. You have all of us here to help you as well but please please go see your GP. I did and it helped to stop me being curled up crying most days