Newbie full time single mum

[mof4]

Hi

Im a full time single mum of 4 (teens, pre teen and under10) I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, ptsd and mild paranoia issues.

My kids also have mental health issues #1 ADHD, mild autism, depression and anxiety #2 Aspergers, #3 and #4 depression and anxiety.

A lot of the younger 2 issues are from DV (we are 18m free) and due to the inconsistency of their father in the past and that we are 2-3 years into family court proceedings.

Iv been doing it mostly on my own from a young age including being a teen mum. My oldest didn't see his dad mum till he went to live with him for a few years and this has created a lot of issues with him now (moved back home 16m ago).

I don't work due to my health (mental and physical injury) I don't have much family that care or help my friends just push me away a lot so I'm alone most of the time other then the kids. I did start having a bit more of a social life till recently now I don't even have my friends to talk too.

I don't know what to do anymore my boys are abusive to me I have done so many parenting courses and asked for help but nothing has worked. I'm finding my self so angry with everyone and everything ATM as my kids have mentally drained me.

I just wish I could pack up my kids and leave all the stress behind and start a new life away from the town that my abusers and ex lives as I know it would help.

[BballJ]

Hi mof4,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Sorry to read what you are going through and have been through but well done for posting your story and seeking the help you deserve.

My first question for you is have you and your kids been to your GP about all of the mental health concerns and maybe even seen psychologists? You have all been through a lot from what you wrote so I know it seems like a lot of it has piled up on you but you need to help yourself as much as possible.

I know it's tough when you feel alone as well but you will find these forums very supportive and non judgemental, many of us have dealt with or are dealing with a variety of mental health issues ourselves so we can relate on some levels and give advice where possible.

Please know you can call the Beyond Blue helpline on 1300 22 4636 24/7 to discuss anything you are feeling. They are trained professionals and are great.

Feel free to post back as much as you like.

My best for you,

Jay

[mof4]

Thank and yes we have seen our gp most of mine was diagnosed as a teenager so been battling for years (ptsd is from a mix of dv as a kid and in my 3 main relationships and a rape as a teen) we were seeing a clinic psychologist but with only being on disability I can't afford the $125 out of pocket experience for each of us so going on a public wait list.

[MsPurple]

Hi mof4 have you considered seeing a social worker to help you out? They are really good and can help with your living situation. IF you want more information go to https://www.humanservices.gov.au and search for social work. You said one of your kids is a teenager. There is a service called headspace. It is a youth mental health service and they see youth for a variety of issues including mental illness, ADHD, learning difficulties etc. Some of the have OT and social workers as well as counsellors. Look up your local headspace if you think this could be handy for your kids. It is also a no/low cost service. Now some headspaces may have a longer waiting period then others. I have been to a few and one of them I had to wait just over a month and the other a week so it does vary.

Hope this helps.

[MsPurple]

I should also add that most of them offer free counseling but you can let discuss it more with them on the phone your situation. I went through the intake team (just a one on one appointment with a person going over history etc) and told them I was living out of home and paying for rent so I couldn't afford a psychiatrist so they referred me to the registrar that bulk billed me there.

[BballJ]

Hi mof4,

I understand the financial stress it puts on you. It really isn't cheap. MsPurple has given some great advice regarding Headspace for youth, so that may be a possibility for your kids that you could look into for them.

My best,

Jay

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Mof4

It is hard not to feel that you are sinking when you have so much weighing you down. You are being amazingly strong for your kids ( and yourself) to keep things together day by day. However, you are right , no one can do it alone and its a strong person who knows their limits and can ask for help.

You have been very brave to get out of that abusive relationship and go tough the family court proceedings etc on your own.

So , I guess you are thinking where to from here…I know it feels like running away is a good option , and maybe a move is .. but not until you have things under control where you are, as otherwise the problems might just be the same but in a new location.

1. Get yourself help.Its important to attend to your sense of feeling “ mentally drained” and angry . You have alluded to a lot of trauma in your own life and i wonder if you might find some help from the Blue Knot foundation in understanding your PTSD / trauma and feel a bit calmer and not in the “ fight or flight” mode that often plagues trauma survivors.
http://www.blueknot.org.au/Survivors-Supporters/For-Survivors/Resources-for-Survivors.

Talk to your GP about low cost counselling in your area or look at this website for ideas in your area
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/find-a-professional

If you need to go on a public waiting list, then I suggest you do this, and in the meantime, see your GP for a regular chat until you get seen, or ask about a support group in your area that might just feel like a bit of a crutch through the hard times.

2. If you need someone to talk to about your kids at any point , try a help line
https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/parentline-services/

3. Maybe look at getting your kids help via a local Headspace. Or if there isn’t one , try eHeadspace maybe ?
https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

Don’t give up Mof4 , you have come so far and been so brave and strong but all of us have limits and its important to know them and search for help and support when you need it.

PS You are not imagining it by the way. It is often not so easy to get free or very low cost counselling support in our community, especially in regional areas.

[geoff]

hello Mof4, your post is very concerning but all the advice you have been given has been terrific, I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you, now and whenever. Geoff.

[Silent_Thunderstorm]

Hello Sweets,

I know this may not seem much, but I'm from Melbourne too, and I am more than happy to help you out with looking after the kids (I've been a nanny/babysitter all my life), or could help you out with going into your appointments/making appointments etc, for the time being, just until you get in your feet Hun. We can meet at a public place and chat first so we are both safe and comfortable:)

Its not easy going through mental illness and no one deserves to be on their own xxx

much love and warm hugs on this chilly night xo

E