Need Advice on living situation

[CapitalAxe]

I have been married for 14 years and known this man for 24 years, we have a child together who is 14. We have lived seperately for four years now and we are still very good mates. We still have family dinners together every night mostly. He was a severe alcoholic. He did use to rough me up a bit until i fought back. He had a major health scare a few years ago and fell into a coma because of his drinking. He has since slowly started increasing his drinking again. However, he seems different more mellow. It is now very expensive as i have always financially supported him. The gov't money he receives as he cannot work is not enough for anything other than paying the rent. He wants to move into a place with me where he can have his space and i can have mine. Financially - its a fabulous idea, would save me a fortune, i could actually get in front of my car payments etc, but i dont know whether i want to give up my sanity by living with him again. I enjoy living on my own, peace and quiet. He does still ring me constantly at night time. Iwork fulltime also, so by the time i get home with my daughter its 7pm at night. I get very tired by the end of the week. So living with him again, would remedy that situation as well. There are pro's for living together...but i think my major issue with this is that i lose my independence again. IF he wants to talk shit all night long, as he likes to do, i won't be able to just hang up the phone, i will be stuck in the same house, and will have to get up and go to work, while he sleeps till lunch time.?

Please someone give me some advice!!!!!

[quirkywords]

CapitalAxe ,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story.

I can see how this is a difficult decision as you there are positives and negatives with leaving things as they are or letting him move back with you.

I suppose do the positives out weigh the negatives.

How do you feel about giving up some of your independence for financial security? If the financial situation was not improved by him moving back, what would you decide and would it be easier.

Only you can answer this and work out what you really want.

One suggestion and it may not be viable, could your husband come over for a trial few nights to see how it goes.

Of course people can be on their best behaviour at first and then when they move in behave differently.

From personal experience I know the longer I live alone the harder it can be to live with someone again.

Thanks again for sharing your story. I am sure many people reading this will relate to you.

Quirky

[Croix]

Dear CapitalAxe

In your post you say one very significant and hopeful thing

>until i fought back

This was the turning point in the violence, and if you can put up boundaries and defend yourself there you have done something many simply are unable to do.

You have also posted notices you have your thread here to gain notice, a very proactive ( if strictly speaking frowned upon) measure.

Frankly you are already close, you support him financially, have evening meals with him and listen to his 'shit' on the phone with enough confidence to hang up when you have had enough.

Bearing that in mind do you think your strenght and determination will allow you to make practical boundaries, going to your bedroom to rest when required, gettng your daughter to stop listening and retire too. Keep him quiet while you are asleep. Things like that?

Talking of your child, what do you consider is the effect of the current situation, including the alcohol, and what might it be if there was 24/7 contact?

You did mention the alcohol consumption was increasing, might this produce, as well as the disastrous physical effects, a change to a more aggressive attitude?

Would there be extra work for you , you are already tired at the end of the day, would it entail more domestic duties; shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes etc?

You are welcome to talk things over here as much as you would like

Croix