Narcissistic Abuse recovery

[21_23]

Hi everyone,  

I am really needing help and support,  or even advice.  

I have recently split from a 7 year relationship from what I now believe is a malignant narcissist. 

I am feeling damaged and empty, and also generally anxious and scared. 

I made the decision and it took 4 months to get him to actually leave the home. I have since been told many things he said and did that I was completely unaware of. It seems that he had a laid a very cunning long term plan which mostly centred on my trust and naivety. 

My whole sense of self has been rocked and my world turned upside down. I am now 52 and feel so stupid for trying so hard for so long with this person.  I think a lot about laying down to sleep and not waking up and what a relief ir would be.  I have 2 children who that would hurt greatly,  so that is not an option.  

As a result of the type of person he is and the way the relationship was, I am highly anxious and fearful. There were violence and threats in the beginning of the relationship which eventually ground me down to a fawning and weak person.  

He has no empathy for anyone in general so he would actually laugh if he knew how bad I am feeling.  I have gone completely no contact for months now, but he is now attacking me through the legal system. 

I suppose that I would just like any advice anyone may have. I have been having some counselling but it is expensive.  I am so incredibly disappointed in myself. 

[21_23]

Hi DifferentMe,  thank you so much for your reply and especially all of your featured emojis 👌 Wow your backyard work sounds outstanding! I admire your grit. I know that you said that you were incredibly angry but I feel like that is a healthy part of moving through the process.  I am still having trouble feeling angry, which makes me feel strange. It might sound strange but I almost wish I could feel angry because somehow it feels more active, and also like it has to mobilise through your body at some point.  The main thing I feel is shame and anxiety,  lots of shame. 

I feel like right now it might be a relief to move across to anger, but I could be wrong.  I am so pleased that you found the right legal representation.  I am early in the process with mine, am trying not to worry too much even though there is so much happening,  I hope he is across it.

I have been seriously considering medication because I know exactly what you mean when you say you would not have made it. It seems to be my most common phrase at the moment ' I'm not sure if I am going to make it'. 

Did the medication make a massive difference for you? I am concerned about certain side effects making things worse and how long it takes to work. 

Thank you for the link and information about UQ. I had been seeking counselling 2-3 times a week but you are right about the expense,  it becomes too much. I took a break which I think may have placed me in a precarious position.  I returned this week.for one session of hypnotherapy which is always good.  I have also reached out to my family in a little more vulnerable way and they have been checking on me more often. 

The nice thing, even if only for small moments,  is when you realise the beauty of the absence of the toxicity,  even if it just a stolen moment of "aahhh". 

I am really scared for my financial security,  but I feel that I have to accept where I am at and try to move through it bit by bit. My kids are teens but still need me around,  so I have that to consider.  

Your lawyer sounds amazing,  good on you for being astute enough to shop around.  

I am going to go and have a look at the link and information that you shared now. Thanks again and hugs to you. 

[DifferentMe]

Hi 👋🏼 @21_23 

I was hollow, I didn’t know who I was. I didn’t trust my own judgment. Because everything I thought was reality, was a complete lie.

I was a financial resource for his gambling addiction. The lies. So many lies.

I know shame, anxiety, lots of shame 😔 and panic attacks 👍🏼

I started medication 12 June. As in last month. It is the best I’ve been in 14 months.

I could not bring myself to look at his financial disclosures. I couldn’t even look at the email for 3 weeks.

But today I’m emailing the paralegal with approvals and suggestions. HUGE difference‼️

You’ve got teenagers you need to be able to function.

DM

[21_23]

Thanks DM, I have been scared to start medication but your message here has encouraged me to take the step that I think I really need to. I just don't want to feel worse. 

I also feel hollow,  lost, confused and it's actually really hard to believe what I now see to be the truth. I get really sick in the stomach every time I see an email from the lawyer which is just about every day at the moment.  I have an added layer of historical threats to my safety,  which I can't think about at present.  I am at home and have for 2 days, just resting and sleeping. 

I am so happy that you feel able to start getting on top of your matter,  it must feel good to be energised that way. I hope to reach that stage soon x

[21_23]

Hi DifferentMe,  I hope you are doing OK. I wanted to check in with you to ask about your journey on medication.  I have started, am about 10 days in but have not felt the effects as yet. I have had another very tricky day today where I find it hard to eat and even complete basic tasks like making a coffee. 

I was wondering how it took for you to feel better and what that was like. x

[quirkywords]

21_23
thanks for being honest and helping those reading but not posting.

Well done for leaving your husband. You have been given supportive advice from Grandy  and differentme.

[DifferentMe]

Hi 👋🏼 21_23 always ask your GP. Because I don’t know what type of medication you are taking.

First type of medication I was on didn’t help even after I doubled the dose.

Went back to my GP asked for a different type of medication. After a week I doubled the dose and it is working well.

Always ask your GP.

Big hugs DM

[21_23]

Thanks so much for your words of support quirkywords, this forum and this thread has meant a lot to me over the past few weeks, I truly appreciate the kindness offered and thoughtful replies. It really does help

[21_23]

Hi DifferentMe,  thank you for your message and advice. I ended up starting some anti-anxiety medication but am early in the process and so am not sure how it will eventuate. Thank you for sharing your journey,  it has given me the little push that I needed to get to the GP and to talk more openly about how I have been feeling.  I am pleased that I have taken the step, even though I know it can be a bit of trial and error at times. It was a relief to ask for help, I realise it can be a long road. Thank you again 🌸

[quirkywords]

21-23

 I have found writing in a journal with dates  and feelings and any observations. 

[21_23]

Quirkywords, thank you