Hi everyone, I’m new & wanted to share my story 🙂
I’ve been divorced 3 yrs. But my ex & his partner are a thorn in my side. I’ve been in a new loving relationship for 2 yrs & I have complete trust in my new partner, no worries about him cheating & lying which my ex did constantly. So it seems I didn’t bring any of that into the new relationship which is great.
My ex & I have 3 kids. Which means I’m stuck having to deal with him. It’s gotten better over time. But there’s still moments where he’s extremely nasty. I’ve been to therapy & I always come across strong & independent. Eventually though something happens to retraumatise me. I do the typical things like, I disassociate myself from what I went through, I play mind numbing games, research, read articles or tv series to avoid thinking about it. I put myself down & imagine him berating me & have ridiculous arguments/conversations in my head, especially in the “think tank” (shower). I have dreams about both of them not leaving me alone. I fear succeeding as I don’t want their ‘spotlight’ on me. I completely put myself down. I’ve have been ill since I met him & my health has declined from constant stress, I have severely low iodine, low B12 & high cortisol. I avoid being social because I’m not a very outgoing person anyway, & my ex & his partner (the last one he cheated on me with) are a big part of the same community, so therefore I feel isolated in my own home town. They’ve stalked me, twice she did a U-turn & followed me to the supermarket, driving past my home (I now live with my parents so they stopped), following the kids from school & grilling them about where I am, what I’m doing, etc. My ex admitted he has her inform him- eg. I took pics of our child at an event she was also at & within 30mins he texts me demanding copies of the pics. It has left me wondering what I did wrong? I didn’t make him cheat/lie/manipulate in the first place. He gaslighted me constantly & they both have started gaslighting the kids. He’s always put himself on a pedestal.
There’s times he leaves me alone, or he just can’t get dirt due to the low profile I keep, but he’ll eventually find something, big or small. All I want is to communicate about pick up/drop off times. But he gets mad about ridiculous things, demands respect, which triggers my anxiety & causes a sudden downward spiral, my chest hurts, hands shake & sometimes I cry.
I hope to find a new counselor who understands Narcissistic abuse.
Thanks for reading,
GG.
