My Darling Dog Will Be Euthenized Soon

[Guest_1573]

I have a dear dog whom I rescued from a horrible place in May 2020. She is now 9 years old. She is the light and love of my life. Two weeks ago she seemed to be unbalanced and a long story short I have taken her to the vet 4 times since then. She has had numerous tests and ultrasounds and the vet is not giving me any answers.

In the last two days she has been lying in the bathroom which she never does. She has been having tremors and crying in her sleep. Although the vet doesn't know what is wrong they have put her on strong painkillers. When she has these she doesn't show pain but sleeps.

She is not drinking water and is very out of sorts. I feel it is time to put her out of this misery. The vet wants to do an MRI at a cost of $5000.00. I have spent $1600 at the vet in the last 9 days.

I am besides myself as I feel she has had a stroke or has a brain tumour yet the vet keeps stringing me along. At the end of the day I truly believe she is showing all the signs of a poor animal at the end of her life.

I am so torn. I barely sleep, I put her on my bed at night and she is often panting, crying in her sleep or having tremors. I am so upset and anxious and I guess I just want someone to make that decision for me. Which I know is not going to happen.

I rang my local vet and told them what has been going on (they were not aware as I had to take dear doggy to emergency vet throughout all of this). They were very kind and said to me that if I truly feel it is time to take here there anytime and they will look after her....

I am so scared that if I do this it might be too early? Yet deep down I know something very wrong is going on with her....I am falling apart. I love her so much. She had a terrible life until I rescued her. I hate life. It is so terrible and unfair.

I have been crying almost constantly daily. Please someone help. Thankyou.

[mmMekitty]

How distressing this is for you & your dog. No words feel adequate. I'm so very sad & sorry both of you are struggling so much. Clearly you love your dog, & it seems your dog keeps trying, even while enduring so much pain & distress.

I'm hoping you both can endure a little longer, to see if your dog does start to respond better to the medication. If not, I guess it's back to the vet.

Again, I'm sorry I can't offer more than my deepest sympathy for what you are going through.

mmMekitty

[missep123]

Hi Panicmerchant,

I am so sorry to hear that. A few days have passed since your last post, how is she?

I really hope the medication will help eventually but in the meantime I can understand how distressing it must be to see her not in her usual state

[Guest_1573]

Hi Everyone

Thankyou for your kind responses.

By Friday morning she was really bad. I rang all the vets and there were no vacancies nor home visits available. I kept her calm and hand fed and hand watered her. My son and I managed to get her bed outside in the garden so she could have some fresh air.

I rang a mobile vet who managed to get here around 3.30 pm. As I was outlining the symptoms and the dreadful night we had; she had another episode. He immediately said 'she is having a seizure' and gave her some medication to stop it. When it was over he checked her eyes with a torch and said " I am so sorry; she is blind; she has had a major brain injury/possible brain tumour. The kindest thing to do for her is to put her to sleep". So we cleaned her up and I sang to her whilst he sent her to heaven. He was a sweet, lovely and kind man and I am only glad that it happened here with him. He took her and I will receive her ashes next week 😞

I am totally heartbroken, devastated and besides myself. How could I not realise that the 'episodes' were seizures? How did not one vet recognise this? She suffered needlessly due to lack of concern by everyone I was begging for answers from! I am furious at myself! Furious at the other vets! My beloved girl did not need to go through all of that horror!

I miss her so so much. I feel sick I feel totally over it all. She was my best friend. I also feel terrible guilt as I should've trusted my instincts! I also feel a sense of relief that it is finally over! That is a terrible thing to feel! I feel like a horrible person because at some times I was getting frustrated and impatient with the poor darling soul! I deserve everything I get!!!

[Matchy69]

My heart goes out to you for your lost.I know the pain you have been growing through and hoped for a happy outcome for you.Your beloved dog is out of pain and has to suffer no more.Remember the great life you gave her and the love you both shared.It will be hard for you for awhile and you will miss her so much and shed plenty of tears which is ok to do.Let the grieving process happen and grieve in your own way.Their is no particular way to grieve.

If you need to talk I will be around .

Take care,

Mark.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Panicmerchant,

Thank you for updating us on your situation. We are so sorry to hear about the passing of your beloved dog. We understand how difficult it must've been to say goodbye and what a sad time this is for you. It sounds like you did so much for her and were so attentive to her needs. It's normal to feel some frustration and relief and try not to judge yourself for this. We can hear a very loving and kind owner.  When you feel up to it, you might like to contact griefline. They are available 6am to midnight (AEST) via phone (1300 845 745) or on webchat. They also have a Care-to-Call line and offer support groups. You might also want to read or engage in their Pet Bereavement Online Forum: https://griefline.org.au/online-forums/forum/loss-of-a-pet/. 

Please know we are here for you panicmerchant and our thoughts are with you, 

[Guest_1573]

Dear Mark

Thankyou. I am just so lost. Everywhere I turn there is evidence of my darling, Her sweet fur; her toys; food....it is the worst. I have a friend who owns two dogs whom I love; I babysat them over Xmas. I will be giving them all of my darling's belongings and I will be taking them on as stepdoggies . She works FIFO so one week out of two they are home alone from 5 am until 4pm when their Dad comes home . I will be going to see them everyday and walking them. That is one saviour to come out of this as when my Darling was here I couldn't manage all 3 of them.

xx

[Guest_1573]

Thankyou dear Sophie

I just wish I had not been so easily led by everyone. I have been taking her to the vets for over three weeks saying I know she is really unwell. They kept on doing more tests and giving more medication If I had just gone with my instincts my darling would not have had to go through the horror that she did. If it weren't for this group; you and the others and the wonderful vet who actually realised what was going on I would've lost all faith in everything by now.

I am going to be looking after my friend's beautiful dogs whilst she is away (FIFO). Her partner is home with them overnight but they are alone from 5 am until 4pm when she is away. I love them so. I met them two years ago when they moved here and the monkeyheads escaped and ended up at my house! Since then I have babysat them and they are absolutely darling. They will restore my faith I am sure.

xxx

[mmMekitty]

I'm so sorry to hear your dog has died. I'm glad you were there, with her & helped right up until the end. You've done so much, you've been doing everything you could.

You're not a vet, so no one would expect you to know any better what was going on more than they did. How vets figure out what is happening is so very difficult sometimes. Our furry friends can't directly tell us anything, & instinctually don't want to show what is going on very much either.

I remember feeling as you are now, thinking how impatient I was toward my cat while she must have been feeling so sick. I simply didn't realise the changes in her behaviour could have been signs of illness. Even her usual vet hadn't seen anything to alert us to her serious condition. We all did the best we could.

When Mekitty died, & I had all her things around, I was torn between removing the things, putting them away somewhere, or giving them away, or keeping them, because I was so unwilling to let her go, & removing her things was too much for me.

I did eventually remove larger items, but have kept some small things. I have her ashes in a seald bowl, with her little mice, (sans tails) next to it. Sometimes I reach up & pat the bowl, or show someone her mice. Sometimes I still might take the bowl down & cradle it, have yet another cry, because I still miss her.

Once upon a time I would have fought & denied these emotions, but now I know all the various emotions awe may feel are okay, normal & natural. & it's easier to accept them than to fight & deny them.

There is no time limit, no set stages or expectations for what you will feel or for how long you will grieve. That phone number Sophie_M has given you sounds like a really good idea. Keep it handy, eh? I wish I'd had it when Mekitty died. I never even thought to search out anyone to talk to, other than my Psychiatrist. & without him , I would have had to chance people I was unsure about.

I think. even if it proves to be very emotional, looking after & walking your friend's dogs could be very good for you. That friend trusts you - you're not all that bad. 😸

mmMekitty

[Matchy69]

It is hard seeing all your dog's things and does bring on the realisation of what has happened to your beloved dog.You can keep somethings that remind you of her and it is nice you can give other items to to your friend for their dogs.Spending more time with hear dogs might help with the healing process for your grief you are going through.Just give yourself time and is ok to cry and be upset.

Take care,

Mark.

[smallwolf]

Hi. Losing a pet is a very sad and upsetting time. Last year on Anzac Day we had to put our cat down. Old and no longer able to walk it seemed the most humane thing.

A pet is like a member of the family. Today when I leave the front door open I still think he will run out the door. Becomes part of your life. I can also remember the happy times.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Over time things will get a little easier and remember the people here care about you and what you are going through.