My brother is in an abusive relationship

[Concerned_Sister]

Hi everyone. My brother is in an abusive relationship. His wife hits him and she locks herself in a room for hours refusing to do anything. Last week she threw herself out of a moving car during an argument regarding how she doesn't think she is good enough for him. He is trying to handle it privately but it is getting worse because he blames himself for it even though he is utterly doting; he has had to leave work early on numerous occasions to go to her when she "loses it" and I don't think him doing this is actually helping the situation. It stems from insecurities but I think she is suffering from a disorder although she has not been diagnosed. She tells him that if he talks to me (his sister- we are very close just 18 months apart) and his Mother, that he is betraying her and shaming her so he won't contact me or my mum. He rang me secretly to ask me not to message him because she checks his messages. It is so dangerous, I want to help but I don't want to make it worse. Any advice on how to handle the situation? My mum and I have tried messaging him about mundane things like the new plant in the garden but he won't reply for ages and then panic reply while she is out. He believes he is protecting her by not talking to us but this is so unhealthy. We are trying to get him to persuade her to go to a psychiatrist but don't know how to go about it. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

[BenignSky]

Hey, there,

This sounds like a pretty serious situation, and I can't imagine the emotional duress your brother, yourself and your mother would be going through right now. Your brother's wife sounds very emotionally unstable. DO you know if she's seeing a psych, if she's on medication, anything like that?

There's this thing called a 'welfare check' I think? You, your brother or mum could call the police when your brother's wife is in an emotionally unstable place, and they go round and check up on her.

I think the best thing to do is to encourage her to seek help with a psych, or encourage your brother to ask for separation. He needs to protect himself and keep safe, and she sounds like she needs some support.

I really hope that you all are okay; it's cases like these that go unnoticed.

I'm sorry I can't offer more advice, but I and the BB community are here for both you and your brother if he wishes to join.

Take care,

Em

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Em is right. I'd not mention psych at all. Try to get her to a GP, allow him to make the referral, the word psych could scare her off.

There is the thought that this is just a major relationship conflict ongoing. With respect we only hear one side of a story and its from an outsider of the couple to, makes it hard.

Fimally, you might run into some stubborness. If so back off. There is little anyone can do in that situation

TonyWK

[solabear]

I'm so sorry about your family situation, it sounds very serious. But the reality is that only your brother can get himself out of that situation by giving his partner an ultimatum to seek help or separate from her. He is a grown up man and he has to make a decision and deal with it.

There is not much you can do unfortunately

I'm sorry I haven't been much help, but I'm here to listen and hope things will get better soon.

xx