Oh dear, MC, 2nd bout of COVID, with worse symptoms than before, & side-effects too. It's not unexpected nor unusual to feel miserable, without enough support & left alone - being isolated will do that, the way your body is under stress will do that, your immune system has been challenged, once with one strain of COVID, & now, (very likely) another. This virus is a ratbag.
Yes, I think, being in isolation will likely bring up those feelings you have from your childhood. Like you said, how they are still part of your soul, part of your life, would feel as if you might never experience life without those feelings at least simmering in the background, & coming up at times when you have to be alone, & people are expected, to leave you alone. It's an awfully painful feeling. I think I have some feelings similar, mostly about being left, people leaving, being abandoned. I get this feeling when my PDr has a break, especially the Xmas/New Year long break.
Thing I deliberately remember is that the break is temporary. I check my calendar, count days, things like that. &, this is important, I try to notice when I'm not feeling deeply sad & afraid during the time he's away.
I've thought, such intense feelings are not with me 24/7. Sometimes I came up for air, feeling rather stunned by how I had been feeling, & numb with the abating of the feelings. They came in waves, & for periods of time, just an hour at a time maybe, & then they would feel less intense enough for me to get up, cook, shower, etcetera, & write. Words would come up then. What do I do with words? I write them.
The worst for a long time had been when I joined BB, while my PDr was away. Reaching out helped me so very much that I stayed. 😺
I hope sitting with you tonight helps.
I fear August will be hard, because my community worder helper is taking a long holiday away with her hubby. I won't even be able to call or email for the entire month. You know the song, 'It Might As Well Rain Until September'? That's looping through my mind so much this week. Funny what our brains are capable of doing. I imagine my brain is actually trying to help. 😺
Can't wear a mask - but I wonder if I can wear my spacesuit? 🐱🚀Just while I visit.
mmMekitty
