mothers of sexually abused children

[eagle72]

i need to talk to other mums who have been the rollercoaster of finding out and trying to cope with ongoing emotions and events that proceed the finding out of abuse to our children.

my daughter was 2yrs she is now 14yrs.

i would really like to share feelings with other mums on how you cope.

[PamelaR]

Hi Eagle72 and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Your story is very sad. Thank you for being so brave as to share and to seek support. That is very good.

I've seen your responses to other people's posts you are very caring and supportive. It is lovely to have you here.

I'm not a mother, so I can't help you in what you seek. However, I was a child that was abused. Who never had the opportunity to tell her mother.

Maybe to help you get some responses to your queries, try doing some searches in the forums to find discussions that are along the lines of what you are looking for. You can do some keyword searches using the search field at the top of the BB webpage or go to google search, add the keyword and Beyond Blue.

Believe me, you are not alone Eagle. It's just finding the people to get the discussions going.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[eagle72]

ohh pamelar....im so sorry to hear that you were abused...im sooo sorrry.....

im also glad your on here letting out the pain and hopefully helping others...

thankyou

[Unhappy78]

Eagle72, sorry you are going through this. We are a family who have been through this and despite being 6 years past the incident, it is still a very real daily occurence of stress and anxiety. Please message me if you need assistance.

[PamelaR]

Hi Eagle

Thank you for your compassionate and caring post. The pain from my childhood abuse has been dulled with years of work with psychologists and a supportive partner.

To be honest, I think that because I did not remember anything about the abuse until my late 50s helped me heal and recover better than if I had lived my life with knowing about it. From all the stories I've heard, my life turned out reasonably well because I believed my childhood was normal (?). I may not be who I am today if i'd remembered when I was younger.

So I do feel for your daughter who is going through the pain of it at a young age and doesn't have the knowledge and skills to manage the emotions she must be experiencing. I imagine your own emotions must be in an upheaval too.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? A close trusted friend or family member for example? Talking does help and it sounds like it would be good for you to do so.

Have you seen a doctor or health professional, for example a psychologist or counsellor? You are just as important as your daughter. Giving support to someone can be very demanding and to continue that support you need to look after yourself too.

You are doing wonderfully - being here in our community is evidence of this. Good on you Eagle.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[eagle72]

hello unhappy78...

i found out when she was 2yrs. i was in hospital giving birth to her brother. she is now 14yrs and lived with me until this year january.

we went to court but i demanded he get help and be fixed...which now looking back on my court documents i believe helped him to get off. (i regret this so much).

After the court case he got supervised visits...(ohh, i caught him so i know its true). And in court his barrister made it part of court orders that my daughter does not get counselling. i agreed. (how was i to know how this keeps affecting you years after...i thought it was all over and she was safe). OHH HOW STUPID WAS I.

so, i took the approach of let it go and move forward...and now i know this was the flight approach or denial approach.

so, when she went to live with him this year my heart broke and ALL the emotions have flooded my mind.

i feel sooooo much regret of not going criminal. i hate that i was so forgiving and believing that he can change.

but my biggest anger is for the courts.

HOW WAS I TOO KNOW HOW THIS WAS TO AFFECT ME AND HER. they are the professionals. they should of continued the prosecution no matter what state of mind i was in. they must of known i was in denial...i didnt know what i was in because i was FOCUSED ON HER!!!

my question for you unhappy78 is...

are you coping? and if so...how?

and...did you get counselling for you and your child...if not DO IT!

i have to stop blaming myself, but....i just cant. i know that telling her everytime she spoke to me over the years to stop talking about it and just move on...ALLOWED HIM TO CONTROL HER.

so how was i too know this. i HATE the courts for not telling me that i should get her councelling and myself. that her father should too!!!!!

i now dont have my daughter with me and when she does see me shes angry all the time.

if i had known that the day he was caught was the BEGINNING OF ALL OF THIS PAIN....i definitely would of continued the court case as the judge requested. im stupid and my forgiving nature has allowed the sicko to control my little girl all these years...

im sorry for venting.