Mandatory reporting, loss of autonomy

[Izzy2943]

In 2019, I told my story one too many times, on a new site with mandatory reporters. I thought that since it happened so long ago, I would be safe. But I received an email saying that there was going to be a report. For over a year, I felt unsafe. Looking over my shoulder at all times, terrified my every knock on the door, every ring of the phone, every letter in the mailbox, would be the police telling my mum. It got so bad that I was terrified at school, every teacher that entered a room, I thought was coming to take me to the office, and police would be there.

I'm so tired of having my basic human autonomy taken from me. My body, my story, my ability to say no. Feels like I haven't had that since it happened at 8 years old. And it didn't stop with the actual traumatising event. School counsellors, telling my parents about anxiety and self-harm, mandatory reporters trying to take my story over me. I'm terrified that if I go to a doctor, I would be deemed to not have 'capacity' to refuse treatments/exams requiring me to be unclothed.

I feel unsafe, less because of what happened, and more from the people that are supposed to help. All I've ever been shown is that they'll take away what little autonomy I have left. I know that I need help, but I'd rather deal with it alone for the rest of my life, if the alternative is having my story and my body stripped from my hands yet again. I'm 18 now. I thought I would be safe. But confidentiality and that is so unclear when I
google it, and it's just not worth risking it. I don't know what to do.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Izzy,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums,

We're so sorry to hear you've had this stressful and anxiety-inducing experience. We sympathize with how powerless and frustrating it must feel to have someone send a mandatory report without our consent. Although it's often sent with our best interests at heart, we acknowledge the stress and fear it creates also. 

Depending on where or whom you are receiving support from, the rules on confidentiality and mandatory reporting will differ. Often private information will be shared with a third party (the police for example) if it is necessary to prevent injury to life or health or where it is required by law. To learn more about mandatory procedures, please see here: https://www.1800respect.org.au/resources-and-tools/reporting-and-protection/mandatory-reporting and https://aifs.gov.au/cfca/publications/mandatory-reporting-child-abuse-and-neglect

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). Please check-in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

[Croix]

Dear Lzzy2943~

I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here to this forum, a good move as I would expect many here would have been though something similar.

Lets start off by saying that to be simply notified of a report by SMS is a very bureaucratic and harmful manner of letting you know. Ideally a doctor or other health practitioner should explain matters in detail and allow you input and questions yourself.

If I understand correctly you have been in great anxiety for a year waiting for this report to go further -my apologies if I've got hold of the wrong end of the stick.

I guess you have two other problems. The first of course is anxiety, a big problem in itself -one I've had for a long time, I was even suicidal. Not something that is easy to disclose.

The other problem is of course using self-harm as a way to cope. I do not expect it comes as any surprise to you for me to say it is a most dangerous practice. I'll not go into all the details at the moment , though they can be surprising, but will simply say even if it is not your intention you can end your life by doing this.

You very sensibly believe you need help -I did too, I was not able to improve by myself -in fact things kept on getting worse.

I believe the key is to start with a sympathetic GP who does not panic but works out a reasonable plan wiht you (and can also make enquirers about that report)

At 18 you can without doubt seek confidential talks wiht a GP (you need your medicare number, or that of your parents wiht you listed on it by number).

If when you first start talking in general terms you should be able to see if this is someone you can have confidence in.

May I ask if your parent(s) are cooperative? I hope they would assist you to do this. If not do you have anyone else in your family or a freinds to lean on ATM. Someone who can listen and care, wihtout any silly urge to 'fix' everything?

Trying to cope in isolation is terrible hard -we will always welcome you here

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Izzy, and thanks for posting your comment.

Whatever this situation is and we all use the google machine to find out what may happen either good and/or bad but we can't naturally accept what google tells us, only because our position may be totally different from what it says.

You don't necessarily have to accept what your doctor says, that's a decision you have to think about yourself and at 18 people can suggest ideas or alternatives but you are old enough to make the final decision.

If I can say that you could contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone or online, these people are trained but they dress in casual clothes and may be able to talk with you at your own speed, they relate to what's been happening on your terms, it's just like developing a friend and talk with you.

You can give them a call and see how you go, there is no pressure.

Please let us know how you get on.

Take care.

Geoff.

[Izzy2943]

Hey. Thanks Sophie_m, Croix, and Geoff for your kind replies. It's nice to finally feel heard, rather than dismissed robotically.

I'm going to give a little more context. I was intentionally very vague because i was afraid of what would come of talking online again. (TW)

The report wasn't related to self-harm or anxiety. (they were just examples of autonomy being taken in the past)

Between the broad ages of 8 to 10, an undetermined number of times (i can remember maybe 6 to 8 specific occurences) I was exposed to sexual 'things' by a boy a few years older than me who i believed to be my boyfriend. I don't believe he had negative intent, just exploration that i came to 'exaggerate(?)' as i got older and realised what happened.

I do not feel ok talking about this to anyone in my family as he is the grandson of my nans partner. At this point, it would only cause chaos and breakdown to 'reveal' something like that which is why i am so afraid of it being reported.

As it is, it is a past event which is not harming me in any physical way and having something like that come out will harm me far more than he ever will.

As for the self-harm, it is now a thing of the past for me. I would have been 3 years free if it werent for a recent relapse, which only solidified in my mind that i don't want/need to.

Again, thank you so much for replying. I am worried in posting my story online again but this is beginning to feel like a safe space.

[Croix]

Dear Izzy2943~

Thank you for coming back and making things clearer. I did wonder in your original post your saying "mandatory reporters trying to take my story over me" which now sounds like your version of events may not have been taken as you meant them to be.

All states and territories have their own legislation and interpretation of what should be reported, and by whom. This is not something you can simply look up on the web for complete certainty, even though Sophie_M's links are the best.

I can quite understand why you do not want to cause disruption and family breakup. I also rather suspect from your description this involves 2 young people and this in itself can put a different perspective on the matter..

I'm extremely impressed you managed to avoid self-harm for three years. While there was a brief relapse the whole thing is a triumph to be proud of. Do you mind me asking does this have something to do with your not wanting to be examined unclothed? Many can feel that way, always wearing long sleeves is another.

I'm afraid all I can say is what I said before, sound out a GP or if you are already with a psychologist sound them out. Remember that where your treatment is concerned you are in control (provided there is no immediate risk of serious harm to yourself or another )

If you leave anything to do with abuse to one side for the moment you have said that you have anxiety, like me. Plus of course in the past using self-harm. Anxiety makes a person's life a misery a lot of the time and even leaves one in a state of fear. I've no idea if these are connected to the incidents you reported, but that is something that could be looked at by a medical person you trust when you find one.

I'm miles better now and that is very largely because of medical support. During all of it I never felt I was not in control of my treatment, and could have walked out if I felt that was necessary.

As a rule of thumb generally at 18 years old a young person is considered to have full legal capacity to give consent to and refuse medical treatment.

I'm glad you are getting a little more comfortable here. It is a secure place and your anonymity is well protected, that is the reason I first came.

I hope we can talk some more

Croix