Lost and out of control

[Krychan]

I am a 44 year old woman, last week I had a mental breakdown that saw me get arrested, after a lifetime of physical and emotional abuse, divorce, as a child and an adult, as abusive mother, having two children, one with bipolar and the other with asperges syndrome and a husband that places me second and is struggling with depression himself but self medicates it all has become to much. These feelings of deep loss and fear are so overwhelming, i have not been able to return to work and have no energy. I have been placed on medication and am seeing a physcologist, I'm scared as to how this will impact my life, i have always worked hard and been successful, but feel completely powerless over what's happening to me now. My work is very supportive, i dont really have anyone, my husband feels that he is to blame, but we both came with our own baggage, even writing this is an effort.

[Neil_1]

Dear krychan

Welcome to Beyond Blue and thank you for providing your message.  There’s an awful lot happening and that’s only the items you’ve listed.

I hope that you are able to receive appropriate care and advice regarding the episode that happened last week for you – and that you’ve been supported during this time.

It is pleasing to read that you’ve been to possibly your doctor, as you’ve mentioned that you’re on medication and that you’re also seeing a psychologist.  Those are good positive signs.

It must also be a comfort in knowing that your work is supportive at this time as well.  At least that can be something that you don’t have to have worries or concerns about.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to come here and post – and please, I do hope you can stay with us for as long as you wish – we will try to list out as much advice and care as we can, but overall, we’ll be trying to provide as much support to you as well.

Kind regards

Neil

[Krychan]

Hi Neil,

Thankyou for your reply, I don't have any real support, everyone has their own struggles and st a time when i just want and need to be on my own, but with the presence of someone around me in my own home, I am walking on egg shells as my husband is also struggling with pain, I just want a friend not a husband, I have asked for no pressure on both sides, he is worried that once I get well, I will leave and honestly I can't deny that at the moment. I understand his fears, but when my own low seld esteem is always met with being treated second and always being the strong one, I can't do that anymore, it's a constant struggle, after I cracked last week, he went fishing for two days, and I really needed him,  I had to go and have finger prints etc taken and I still don't know exactly what I did, it was extremely embarrassing and scary. We had plans and he ditched them for fishing and it's not the first time, I also love fishing but would never put it before us

[Neil_1]

Dear krychan

As I mentioned, I was pleased to hear that you had (or are still) going to see a psych.  Just with all that has been happening, I do hope that you are able to continue with this, as you’ve posed some comments below that I feel really unable to provide a right kind of response for.  However, I cannot see how your husband could have taken himself off to go fishing at a time, when I would have thought that being close to you and being there as a support would have been almost mandatory.

So is there no-one who is close to you that you may be able to confide in?  Even just one friend, or acquaintance, perhaps even a neighbour, where you could have a shoulder to lean on or a listening ear?  If not, then seeking out your psych at this time I think becomes even more important.

As mentioned, please keep posting here if you feel ok to do so.

Kind regards

Neil