Losing a 4 year old daughter

[Carissa]

Well 3 and a half years ago in a couple of weeks in fact i lost my 4 year old daughter very very suddenly. i also have a son which was 8 months old at the time and safe to say things got bad real quick. i was not doing so well tried medication made me worse tried talking made people feel awkward couldn't really grieve cause i know this sounds like an excuse but i did not have time. between taking care of my son the household errands i was exhausted plus after paying for a childs funeral we didn't expect i couldn't send my son to a daycare until i had no choice about a year and a half later when i got an infection and stones in my gaul bladder and had to be rushed to hospitial because i left it to the last minute to deal with it. so first time being back in a hospital after my daughter's passing and in so much pain with anxiety attacks on top of it. but the reason I am writing is i finally seem to have a handle on life but so afraid of if something bad does happen i might not get back up i feel i have tred water for way too long i am about to drown. i applied to be a puppy raiser for guide dogs the way to help me is to help others and this is a very safe way to do so but i have that terrible feeling something is going to stop it. so what to do is my question i feel lost and out of my control

Thanks

Carissa

[wantalife]

If anyone else want to say- I'm proud of you for stepping up on your feet, being honest about your fears. Sometimes life can knock us down so hard it takes time to slowly but cautiously in fear of experiencing pain again take time.

You stated reasons for not perhaps reacting as you have believed others have thought you should have. (NO One has the right to expect you to feel as they believe you should because they have no idea what you feel)

I'm glad to see someone "Carissa" coming out of your shell and though cautious getting some words out there.! Well done..

[Kazzl]

Hello Carissa, welcome to the forum. That must have been very hard, to post about such a devastating loss and to voice fears about moving forward. Well done. Sometimes just getting something out of our heads and into the open can help and I hope this will be the case for you.

I think that after what you have experienced, your fear about something terrible happening is natural self-protection. In a way it's your mind saying I can't cope with any more trauma. And that's fair enough.

However, have you heard the phrase 'feel the fear and do it anyway'? (From a popular self-help book of the 90s.) I really think that this could apply to you. You have chosen a wonderful nurturing role that will ultimately help others. And it's entirely possible that in the process, as you feel the pleasure in being around loving creatures, happy experiences will take over the fear of more sad ones.

Carissa do you see a psychologist or have someone close you can talk through your fears and grief and anxiety? I hope so.

I also hope you know you are very welcome here and we are happy to chat anytime. If you ever feel you would like to speak with someone, we also have a 24/7 helpline - 1300 22 4636.

Very best wishes to you

Kaz

[Carissa]

Thanks I will check that out. Yes I was seeing someone and she is a special in PTSD and trying to make ways of dealing with issues concerning PTSD. She was great but unfortunately after I used up my allowance of sessions I couldn't afford to keep going. It saddens me so much how much help costs these days and she even gave me a few sessions on discount cause she is fighting for Medicare to change the polices she believes it doesn't take only ten sessions to get over anything. I have finally found a friend at my son's daycare a mum who has just had her third child, I told her what I wanted in a friend just to go have coffee with to shop with and she said I can do that.

But thank you for your words it makes me feel somewhat ok about my fears and will probably post here if things get too much again.

carissa

[Carissa]

Thank you I don't really have much to call family to say how proud they are of me so I didn't really grieve I took care of everything I needed too plus everyone else. I hope to show people it's ok to feel like this and hopefully show things will get better if you just keep going.

thanks means a lot

carissa

[Alampii]

Hi Carissa

My son died when he was 10 years old due to medical complications. I had some grief counselling but it was not enough. I found out about The Compassionate Friends (TCF). They are an organisation run by bereaved parents in order to support bereaved parents. You can go to a support group for free or call their helpline. Calls are taken only be other bereaved parents. You may want to check them out.

Anna