Keep moving forward!

Keep_on_running · ‎30-10-2017

Someone else is always worse off than me I keep telling myself. You see it every day in the news!

I think I am typing this as it helps me clear my mind somewhat. I am 41 years old now, have 3 beautiful boys, but sadly I have had to say goodbye to one child a number of years ago, and then goodbye to my wife almost 2 and a half years ago. We lost her in the most tragic of circumstances while on a family getaway. Such a beautiful, healthy young woman with nothing but love for life and for her family and friends. We tried to keep her alive, doctors, nurses and paramedics were and are amazing, and they truly don't get the recognition they deserve. I have seen things I never wanted to see, made decisions I have never wanted to make. Its strange you know. People have often said that they don't know how I have dealt with things or how I have coped. The true reason is, what alternative is there? You either cope and maybe there will be days ahead where something happens and it makes you smile or laugh, or your kids make you so proud, or simply the warm sun shines on your face and you realise there is much to look forward to. There is no alternative but to cope.

Try and love life I say!

white knight · ‎30-10-2017

Hi keep, welcome

Such a good post. Sorry to hear about your recent losses. Yes emergency services are wonderful.

I echo your positive outlook. There is no other way. I look back 21 years to my then separation and loss of my full time fatherhood. I bought a 10ft old caravan and recommenced my life. After 3 months of observing other non custodial fathers in that caravan park I knew I had to make something of myself or I'd be there forever. I bought a block of land and built my own home.

Sadly one of my daughters listened to her mothers demonising of me so I dont see her. But, my eldest got married earlier this year so I value what I have, not what I dont.

I often recommend a thread I wrote. Use google or search

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Thankyou for your post. It was good reading.

Tony WK

Croix · ‎30-10-2017

Dear Keep on running~

Thank you for your post, it does bring hope with it. Something I'd like to echo. I think you do not give yourself enough credit though, you did come thought, making the decisions, keeping going, providing parenthood. Sadly not everyone does.

I lost my wife in her 40's after a long illness. At the time is seemed the end of everything. It was not, life went on and I remarried. Happy now for 20+ years.

I don't know what you wish for in your future, I hope you achieve it.

There is one thing I'd like to say before I finish. Your post is up-beat, but shows signs that beneath there may well be a struggle. Please don't hesitate to post if you need to about the bad things you have to wrestle with too.

Croix

Keep_on_running · ‎31-10-2017

I suppose I put on a brave front, I have steeled myself especially for my three young boys sake. Yeah there is a constant struggle beneath the hope and positivity.

I have bottomed out, some time ago and am on the way up. You know, I have worked all my life, I've gone from having a pretty good career with great job satisfaction, to working part time so I can do school drop off and pick up. I do that for my boys, so they have that one constant in their lives as the poor little guys lost their mum and they saw things kids shouldn't see and did things kids shouldn't do. Like saying goodbye to their mum after we lost her, it breaks my heart they had to do that.

I have also gone from having a rock solid, loving marriage and a great family life, to basically just coping. Our life was simple. Both working , large mortgage, but happiness! Our favourite thing was Sunday afternoon, playing old music while cooking a roast chicken on the bbq. We enjoyed the simple things. Then in an instant, a simple accident turns your life upside down. I got her to hospital and everything would and should have been ok, yet she had an anaphylactic reaction to a drug in theatre. We held onto her for 5 days, I witnessed the heartbreaking neurological tests to see if she was with us , but there was nothing. She fought hard but I believe she fought to leave, as I believe she was gone from the very first administration of the anaesthetic. I am sure of that. I am sorry if I upset anyone.

So now I do school lunches, cook and clean, and make sure my boys have ironed uniforms and homework is done. Just enrolled my second eldest for high school next year! They grow so quick! I have gone from not knowing my PIN number or what accounts we had, who we were insured with etc, to now doing the whole lot! Its big. I remember the head doctor who was with me at the time of my wifes passing say that my life had just changed, big time! He said it being nice, as he was great, but boy was he right!

Almost two and a half years on now, you learn who your friends are hey! And its not necessarily the ones you expected! Some family ( inlaw side ) are particularly disappointing I must say. If not for me, but for the childrens sake, a little effort would have been nice. Not zero! I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Having said that a lot of friendships are stronger, particularly my late wifes friends which is really nice! I value their friendship!

So I guess that's my struggle!

monkey_magic · ‎31-10-2017

Hi keep on running,

Love the attitude. I'm sure she would be proud. I'm glad you chose to be proactive when u could have just as easily given up but no you keep on going which shows great strength. You took on extra responsibilities when all odd could have been against you. It's admirable your story and I think it would give others hope.

I hope you are also practising self love and care and mourning/ grieving your loss.

What a hero dad and I also want to say I'm very sorry for your loss. You are an inspiration.

Thankyou for posting 🙂

Croix · ‎31-10-2017

Dear Reply to Keep~

I'm glad you were able to say more about your life and I'm sure you will not have upset anyone. You are showing how to manage and go on, coping with disaster. There will be many who read your posts and draw encouragement from them - often people just read, never post at all, you will not know your effect, but it will be there.

I do remember when my wife passed away I welcomed as much activity as possible, work and home, in order to try to drown out grief. I guess it worked a bit. You have domestic duties, kids and all, completely different as you found out, but distracting, useful and necessary.

Like you I found who were friends and who were not. Mind you my interests and tastes changed so I had less in common than before. You are wise enough to foster the genuine ones, even if they are sadly not family.

I can understand your pleasures in simple things, like the barbecue, and work satisfaction too.

I do believe those things will return for you if you want them. High school does mean growing up, but still can leave plenty of time for activities together. I used to go hunting with my son at that age, taught him a great deal about life and responsibility whilst having a most enjoyable time together. While that pastime would probably not be appropriate nowadays similar ventures can both be enjoyed at the time and later looked back on fondly.

I believe such activities are a positive influence on both parent and offspring.

Kids are a source of all sorts of things which sadly passes as they grow and lead lives of their own.

Job satisfaction may well come back, I'm sure you are not completely wedded to a job because of the hours. There are no doubt others that may become available in time. The ability to do something well is I believe transferable to different areas.

You are definitely going to win that struggle, I hope you and your kids have a ton of enjoyment and fun on the way.

Croix

Croix · ‎31-10-2017

Woops -I copied and pasted the wrong part of your name and did not pick it up til too late -sorry about that:)
-C